"Cantcha ask me what cartoons I like?"
Dude, you've read my blog, what were you thinking? Or were you thinking at all? The Man From Noo Yawk has foolishly returned the taggery with this political volley that's going to severely test my resolve because I'm tempted to answer each one with permutations of 'are you fucking nuts/kidding me/stupid?'
1) What is your name (nickname, whatever you're comfortable sharing), your age (range), gender, occupation, income bracket (range), how you identify (gay/straight/whatever)? Married/Single/Divorced? Kids (how many)?
Randal, 35, guy, affiliated with matters of a bookly nature, struggling middle class (2 million is still middle class, right?), I dig chicks except my wife (just kidding), married with two lunatic, completely unplanned (hey, just like me!) offspring and three cats.
2) What are the most important issues to you in this presidential election and why?
They're all intertwined. Everything is about control. Resource control, economic control, social control, body control -- and not in that Mary Lou Retton/Mikhail Baryshnikov kind of way -- all while being fed shiny bullshit in order to numb the cerebral cortex so even more control can be exerted, the whole sordid program done with a smiling face thereby preventing the need for jackbooted thugs better seen in black and white movies, video games and World War Two reenactments in various Idaho towns. Thus, I'd rather see fumbling Dems in charge instead of evil oil men. Except on those days when I'm feeling extra nihilistic, 'cause if America voted for fuckers like this for a third straight time (yeah, yeah, Al Gore got more votes; was he Prez? No? Then shut up), then we deserve whatever worldly comeuppance breaks our collective jaw. Think of the excitement that would ensue! It would be just like an interactive horror movie!
Soylent green is on me, mes amis.
3) Why do you think voters should vote for Obama/Biden, what differentiates this ticket from McCain/Palin?
1. They're not clinically insane autocrats with anger management issues.
2. Their level of bloodthirsty is about the same as a typical American administration of the past.
3. They won't spend all of their time blowing the corporate sector.
Numbers 1, 2 and 3 are why I would be a bad choice to go door-to-door.
4) If McCain/Palin wins this election, where do you see our country going in the next four years?
To a lot of bars.
5) Economically, where do you think this country is today and how do you think Obama/Biden can make a positive impact?
In the septic tank. Worst case scenario, they won't be so blindingly obedient to
big business our Chinese overlords, just mostly obedient. I'd love to see a serious slashing of the military budget, obviously including stuff that we don't officially keep track of, and a bunch of other commie pinko socialist crap in order to fix our infrastructure and provide all that touchy-feely hippie shit, but I'm not holding my breath because I'd pass out and I, unlike the typical Bush appointee, have to help other humans today. Stupid ones, such as the one I just helped. Fuck off, lunatic.
6) In the past 8-years, how do you think this country has changed under the Bush regime? Have you been affected by these changes? If so, in what ways?
We're a joke on the world stage, for starters -- not that we've ever lived up to our mythology, though we were at least a sort-of semi-benevolent empire in 2000 rather than the murderous gang of ultra-greedhounds we are now -- not to mention owned by the Chinese -- guess that's what Chimpy meant by the ownership society. Didn't tell us the society was on the other side of the earth. Though I wonder if being so brazen about fucking with right and wrong and in the affairs of other nations is actually worse than the cloak and dagger bullshit we hid for years. At least now the average dunderhead knows we've done evil, so that's an improvement, right? Good thing these perpetrators of obscene criminal behavior will be brought to justice.
Pigs can't fly without their leprechaun pilots! Don't be stupid.
Me, personally? It's harder to pay the bills and those medical ones seem to linger like that black mold inside your walls. As for all the police state junk that wingnuts like to say doesn't affect us regular shlubs -- you can protest all you want! Land of the free, home of the cheetohs eater! -- that's because there aren't any cameras around, you fucking tool. Why do you think they pull these roundup acts at gigs like the RNC and the WTO? Because folks with actual broadcasting power are there and the oligarchy wants the streets shiny with that fresh, clean smell.
I could rant and rave on my street corner and the worst that'll happen since I'm a white guy in a white town is, what, a citation for disorderly conduct and a fine while convincing no one of the dangers lurking out there because no one gives a fuck about the dangers lurking out there since they'd have no qualms whatsoever about sacrificing civil liberties if some brown-skinned fuckers unlucky to have been born in nation X, Y or Z get blown to bits or are stuck in sweatshops so we can save 38 cents at Wal-Mart on cheap kitchen trinkets and tube socks while ignoring the increasing costs of everything else because those brown-skinned fuckers wanted to chop off our heads and dance around the corpse while setting American flags and Toby Keith albums on fire? Ooh, fight the power.
We may read blogs, but the average clown watches fucking teevee.
"John McCain thinks you're stupid."
Barry, he ain't wrong.
And while you're at it, shut the fuck up about bipartisanship.
The word 'Republican' should be toxic. I'll be happy to shake their hand after they've wandered in the desert for, oh, forty years. There's your fucking Old Testament reference.
7) I have read that Palin is considered the new voice of feminism, which is offensive in my opinion. Of equal concern are her views on abortion and the removal of books from libraries. I'd like to know what you think about all of that and how you feel about McCain choosing Palin as a running mate. And what kind of message you think that sends to women?
If Palin is the new voice of feminism, I'm the quarterback for the Cleveland Browns. Don't get me started on the fucking censorship shit. I don't have to read your Bible, you don't have to read my 69 Ways to Find Cheap, Quality Porn Online. McCain is a joke of a candidate, everyone knows it, the wingnuts know it, so throw 'em a bone -- pun intended -- with a redblooded, MILF-y chick. Yes, it's okay if you ignore the streak of Cheneyism, because she's going places!
Let's do a half-assed comparison of Famous Politicians With Vaginas worthy of a Z-grade blog such as this one:
Hillary Clinton = Lisa Lionheart.
Sarah Palin = Malibu Stacy.
I'm guessing nearly everyone has been tagged by this thing, or is in the process of being tagged, so I tag both everyone and none of you.
Man, I need a fucking drink.