Curse ye and thy ninth-level spell of disjunctive unmotivation!

Rock and/or roll, the only* constant 'fore the mortal coil shuffle.



*yes, yes, the banality of most everything else.

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to ignore it, does it still talk to itself?

Blah blah blah.

Clap your hands say fuck yeah that's over

Sitting on the can early [read: early] Friday morning feverishly watching the brine bubble up out of pore after pore, my body's tubing behaving as if I had just downed a fifth and a box of prunes, c'est-à-dire, the Compleat St. Patrick's Day, but without all that pesky socialization.

To celebrate my victory, some select pieces of delicious ear candy. To celebrate yours, that I didn't go into even more detail, feel free to suggest others.

Riddle me this, Adam West

Being around others is exhausting.
Being by yourself is draining.
Solve for x.

CRACK. 



Nod.

This show's overdue for a reboot.

Fuck off and die

Spending spring break at home, the scribbling of my stupid paper and watching stupid footie sandwiching the stupid ham of stupid darkthroning. Sorry, ladies, this hunk of burning excitement's unavailable, though my wife wishes I wasn't. Zing. Thank you thank you, enjoy the veal, because if you saw the kitchen, you'd know it was your last meal. Badoomboom.

Bonus!



Fenriz freaky channels Sean Harris and Bruce Dickinson. 

Dead Early like 1982 early, Cirith Ungol, Diamond Head, Manilla Road. Ain't black, ain't crust, is Heavy Fucking Metal, all the influences us near-, at-, over-forty-somethings scarfed with greasy gusto, The Ones You Left Behind leaving a heaping plate of end rhymes like 22, Acacia Avenue was whoring its rhythm out to every Norwegian hesher.

Six tracks of classic filtered through the warped skulls of Ted and Gylve, but oh so special mention must be made of thirteen-plus minute closer Leave No Cross Unturned, King Diamond Satanic magic carpeting over boundless epic, dynamic speed, and Oxford commafuls of tempos shifting pitch. What the fuck just happened, Darkthrone just fucking happened. If only I could bellow joy like Kim Bendix Petersen and only you could hear.

More monkey dancing

Heavy as a really heavy thing. Not so much were the two local openers which, as usual, didn't match the sonic aesthetic of the headliner, but that's the biz, kidz. Furthermore, Now That's Class, despite being a venue eminently digable for live tuneage, is arctic molasses slow in getting the proceedings a kick in the ass.

So, a late start regifted us some run o' the mill deathy grindcore drone. Capable players, but boring as your favorite band unless it's mine, too. Then even more time wasted by neo-punkish organ-y riffing on the Misfits style that, unlike the Misfits, sucked, but at least they didn't suck as much as the incredibly sucky lead singer/suckiest bag of suck who ever sucked who, in troo anarkee fashion, chucked, randomly or not I don't know, a full beer bottle in the audience that hit a chick smack in the skull.

Thank Odin she was okay, confronting the douchebag after the set who, apologetic like a child stuck playing the "oh shit I got caught" card, evident in the rapid downsizing of his vocal rage after said chucking witnessed by all of us outside the stage grabbing fanboys. According the Duchess, there's at least one other local club they've been banned from. Wonder why.

Full tour opener Ancient VVisdom gave us Agalloch-via-Austin paeans to heathenry and such, so shit I dig. As the cooler half of the Peonage has pointed out before, yeah, the lead singer may veer into rock and/or roll posturing on occasion, but it's only rock and/or roll, and I like it. Theatre. Plus, musically, they're a sparkling spring carrying away the effluvia of the vanquished.

Sans posture is headliner Royal Thunder, but what a raucous ruckus. Drummer Lee Smith, no, the other Lee Smith, beats his drums like CIA goons beat prisoners for useless information, guitarist Josh Weaver, doing yeoman's work for injured second stringman Josh Coleman, pogos up a down like a demonic apple bobber on the Titanic, and singer/bassist Mlny Parsonz is fucking intensity personified, archetyped, and cloned from herself so chew on that stupid paradox. It's intense.

Can't remember the exact setlist because I'm angry and tired, but they played most of their one and only album, encored with the grinding Parsonz Curse off said record, and, because we were awesomely appreciative, encored a second time with a barnstorming Mouth of Fire off the debut EP. Jesus H. Cthulhu were they heavy. A bit o' Zep, a pinch o' Alice, and a truckload of this. Yeah, I'm pointing to the ticker.

Axiom grease

If something's going good, give it twenty-four hours.

Every three months, The Blizzard rages.*

Here's some metal, 'cause monkeys dance.



*not exactly axiomatic, but what is the internet but lies and porn?

His brains are boilin' when he hears the guitars roar

Messrs. Shermann & Denner, young & wild. 

A choice ironically comical or comically ironic, haven't decided yet.

Nothin' goin' on, no gong-banging, no it got-on, just stuck in neutrality like Switzerland. Sans Nazi ingots, of course. Such a stash could fuel serious bootleg acquisition. Since I'm no DaiMon, no Rules, only old shows once too young.

Bunch o' other crap, but who fucking cares. Brain's tired of hearing it, and so would you if you already aren't here, there, mmmm, Cadbury creme eggs.