Inside, Gardner will be strapped into a winged, black metal chair with a mesh seat that was built for Taylor's execution. A metal tray beneath the chair is designed to collect any blood that runs from the executed prisoner's body.That's not how you fucking do it.
No, I'm not in the midst of fabricating a creature constructed from multiple cadavers, ignored & misunderstood by the populace, pain sharpening beyond the breaking point into a wholly justified rampage against a creator fearfully shunning his own work as he fights off a choking hubris, I'm trying to find a way to watch the Champions League final while stuck at the library, I swear. I haven't even gone graverobbing yet.
Before I return to science, let me first apologize for my slur yesterday against the great Diego. I don't want him to run over my leg.
Secondly, don't fuck with Ohio, Nazi checkpoint lackeys.
That's right, you don't, certainly not any sexual deviance.
Lastly, as a socialist progressive liberal centrist patriotic tax-hating teabagging who-fucking-cares-you-ain't-changing-jack-bub-the-jack-changes-you Ohioan, I retract my retraction. Cheater!
Kudos, Californistan.
La dernière semaine, I was rightly disappointed in my hometown. Now, I'm rightly *chortle* disappointed in suburban cracker mob protestarianism. All this throwing cash at diseased lawnsitters and faxing nooses to congressfuckers is no doubt a good time, but the cutting of a gas line produced a Darwin Award-worthy end for not even one yokel.
C'mon, something equally rich in schadenfreude or don't be calling yourselves revolutionaries any longer. You all diddle around as much as a Catholic priest. Bloody cowards.
"Verily, who shalt be this Kobe?"
Exactly. He finally gets a team around him post-Shaq, then he's the MVP? You see who the dude above had to ball with? Fucking hell, man. No one loves playing with 20/20 hindsight more than sports fans -- I guess 30, 7 and 7 doesn't go as far as it used to. Okay, maybe Republicans if the Democratic clowns do indeed take the White House and veto-proof majorities in both chambers. Slash the military budget! Universal health care! No more police state! We've got a spine! Sorry, daydreaming again. But about politics? Come back naked ladies, come back!
And before anyone asks, no, I don't give a fuck that Ted Stevens got convicted. Let me know if Alaska reelects a felon. That would be comical. And about those would-be cracker assassins, I see a song in the future.
Everyone considered him the Cowart of the county.
He'd never stood one single time to prove the skinheads wrong.
His mama named him Danny, the folks just called him Nazi,
But something always told me crackers were reading Danny wrong.
Laugh, damn you, laugh.
Atlantic: The question for Boston is, can the defending champs match last year's intensity? Pay no attention to the loss of James Posey, they'll manage that just fine, but 66-16 won't happen again. The question for Toronto is can Jermaine O'Neal play enough meaningful minutes or is he destined to be a walking injury forevermore? If it's the former, they'll push the Celtics. The question for Philadelphia picked up this year's version of Carlos Boozer and that'll have them fighting for a top-four seed. The Knicks finally did something right. I know that former superstars don't always make the best coaches or front office guys, but Isaiah Thomas was in a vomit-inducing class all his own. You do realize they're still paying Jerome James, right? Don't expect more than 30 wins this season, but at least they won't be a complete laughingstock. The Nets cleared a shitload of cap room to make a run at the monstrous 2010 free agent class. Good luck!
Central: Detroit has the most depth in the division and arguably in the league and will therefore finish on top again. Big fucking deal, you can keep your regular season titles. We've got the best player on planet earth and finally -- finally! -- someone other than LeBron or Z that can score. Praise be unto thee Mo Williams, for thy shalt score many balles in thy basket, ah-men. Boy, the Bulls sure did underachieve a wee bit, huh. The various laws of averages and affiliated corollaries indicate that they likely won't suck as much ass this time around; too much talent. Speaking of talent, the Pacers might have more than you think. If there's a sleeper playoff team in the east, it's these dudes. What about the Bucks? Between Michael Redd and Richard Jefferson and if the rest buy into Scott Skiles' defense first, second and third mentality, perhaps these guys are the sleeper playoff team.
Southeast: Dwight Howard is ridiculous, though I'd still love to see him snag an Olajuwon-esque assassin mentality. Remember when Hakeem destroyed MVP David Robinson in the Western finals? Hedo Turkoglu (can he duplicate last season?) and Rashard Lewis are definitely above average, but this is a one-and-done playoff team. Did the Heat really win the title only a couple of seasons ago? A healthy Dwayne Wade and Shawn Marion, despite having zero on the bench, should be enough to sneak into the playoffs, maybe -- assuming Wade doesn't get hurt and they're out of it so early they trade Shawn to the Lakers for a six-pack, a sandwich and a second round pick in 2012 -- even if Michael Beasley is indeed turning out to be a head case. Sorry Agent Zero, no chance to beat the Cavs yet again, but at least you'll have more time for your blog! Oh, D.J. Augustin, I feel bad for you. Hopefully for your sake, poor Raymond Felton will take all the Larry Brown brunt. Hope you enjoyed that little taste of the postseason, Atlanta. You'll miss Grecian Formula more than you think.
Southwest: Following in the footsteps of the 2006 Saints, the Hornets became America's team, and America found out that these guys are pretty good and that Chris Paul is fucking brilliant. Frontcourt depth is still thin, but they've got enough to hold off poor Houston, forever doomed to succumb to injury despite talent and guts all over the roster. Good luck with Artest, though. Oh, the Spurs, age is cruel, unavoidable. I still maintain that with a healthy Manu, they would have knocked off the Lakers, but not having done much to add depth, the title days may be done, although would it really surprise anyone that with a healthy Ginobili in May and June, they win the whole thing without having home court even once? Can't be done? Right. Speaking of done, the Mavericks window certainly is, but they'll be springtime fodder for someone. Young Memphis will have a horrid record, but O.J. Mayo, Mike Conley, Marc Gasol and Rudy Gay sure will be fun to watch.
Northwest: Hey Jazz, I think Kobe just made another free throw. Outside of Houston, the toughest team in the league, but I wonder if they're as tough in the noggin to get past the hype machine surrounding that team from Southern California. Yes, Oregon, your long Jail Blazer nightmare is over. 75-year old Greg Oden appears healthy, there's Roy and Aldridge and Outlaw and Fernandez. Good times. Not good times in Mile High. Now that Camby is gone, I'm hoping for a return to old school Nuggets ball, lots of 145-138 losses. Can Iverson chuck it up 2000 times? Minnesota won't be very good, but they're doing a decent job -- shocking, I know -- of rebuilding with Al Jefferson, Mike Miller and Kevin Love. It'd be nice if Randy Foye could remain healthy. Oklahoma City, take solace in the fact that you have a team, because it's going to be bad.
Pacific: Yes, with a healthy Bynum, the Lakers are going to go 73-9, yadda yadda yadda. I heard this shit in 2003-04 when Malone and Payton joined Shaq and Kobe. How did that turn out? Still, they'll be very good. I miss the Suns. The real ones, the NBA version of Air Coryell or those Warren Moon Oiler teams. Enough talent remains to steal a playoff series, but that's all. The Warriors? From, statistically, the greatest upset in NBA history to, within two short years, losing Baron and getting hit by the stupidity of last year's best player and probably missing the playoffs. How 'bout them Raiders? Baron Davis and Marcus Camby won't stay healthy, so the Clippers join Golden State on the golf course. Sacramento has Kevin Martin.
Eastern playoff teams: Boston, Detroit, Cleveland, Orlando, Philadelphia, Toronto, Miami, Washington.
Western playoff teams: L.A. Lakers, Utah, New Orleans, Houston, San Antonio, Portland, Phoenix, Dallas.
NBA Finals: LeBron is on a mission. [insert sports cliché of your choice] With another scoring option at his disposal, The King overcomes a mediocre-at-best bench to lose in the Finals to -- barf -- the Lakers, whereby 87 quadrillion talking hairpieces proclaim the greatness of Kobe -- is he best ever? -- while conveniently ignoring his superior supporting cast and the near triple-double LeBron lays on his punk ass night after night.
In trying to come up with today's post, always a difficult prospect when following visceral emotion with political garbage -- wouldn't it be great if we weren't lured to write about this fuckery? -- I did what I often do, scour the internets newsies for something to catch my eye so I can add stupid pictures and unfunny comments my own in-depth take from a fresh angle.
So, upon reading this sordid tale about taxpayer loot and implants for strippers, I thought of Mayor Quimby's beloved quote: "Very well, then. Instead of fleeing this town, I'll sit back and grow fat off kickbacks and slush funds!" Okay, Randal, go look for a suitable shot of the man himself.
Wow, I'm smrt.
Well played, Minnesota, well played.
I see your McCarthy and raise you a cracker.
Oops, it was for Halloween, bien sûr. Don't forget your candy!
Man, Murka 2009 is gonna be comedy gold.
See, I didn't even try et voilà, a post. Told you I'm fucking smrt.
"Time to kick back, drink some beers tea and smoke some weed work on ma présentation orale!"
Since it's the bye for my beloved bastards of brandishing buffoonery, I figured I'd do a little tubular hang ten in lieu of working myself up into a silent, testosterone-fueled internal frenzy. Don't worry, I'm still going to watch the non-Cleveland portion of the football schedule after the Man City/Liverpool soccer game -- take that, Old Europe!
You're welcome, fellow Murkan. Patriotism über alles!
Achtung! Das schützenfest sieben lieben, heh, heh!
Hey, get outta here, Nazi douchebag. Now, let's check the local, very heartlandy news, always mindnumbingly uninteresting. No, wait, this is eminently thrilling, captivating, even! I'm feeling Minnesota!
Fewer steel connectors on the Inner Belt Bridge than originally reported are severely deteriorated, but state engineers remain concerned and plan to do detailed tests.
Only two connectors, instead of 16, where the bridge's main truss meets the arch and the pier, cannot support the full weight on the bridge, according to data given Thursday to the Ohio Department of Transportation by Richland Engineering, which conducted the yearly inspection of the nearly 50-year-old span.
Nothing all that different from what other American cities are going through with their crumbling infrastructure, right? True, but the real gold lies in the riverbed of free speech.
Where are all the anti-Obama comments? After all, he's proposing spending on our roads and infrastructure.Read on, intrepid soul, read on.
Actually, Obama will tell us how this is Bush's fault, the bridge was fine until the last 8 years!!!! Maybe he can add a new bridge onto his trillion dollar spending spree.Lighten up, Francis. With your Ole Perfesser Singularity Black Ops Hover Technology, only effete, arugula-eating homersexuals ever die in a bridge collapse.
Obama will issue you a house,car and health care. Obama will determine your diet and make sure you watch state run television. OPRAH and MSNBC. Your kids will be sent to state run schools and taught to have responsible sex. Why dont we just get rid of our flag and replace it with a red flag with a yellow star in the middle. Just call me Vladomir from now on.
Yes, their vote counts the same as mine. No, I don't always assume pseudonymous internets commentary is done from a position ironically masquerading as irony. Yes, I try not to think about it. No, I cannot help myself. Yes, that makes me drink more. No, I prefer to be in a swishy stupor. Yes, thank you for your concern.
Sexist? I don't care. Why? Because I'm as giddy as a schoolgirl!
"Tell us why already, you sexist jerk."
Because The Fucking Yankees aren't in the playoffs!
Ah. I can almost taste the joy of the springtime blooming from a lifetime ago as I swooned after that first shared glance with the girl with the long brown hair. Or when I found that twenty and used it to buy adult beverages.
Tampa Bay vs. *grumble* Minnesota Chicago White Sox: if you scanned the brains of every baseball fan in America back in April, I'd wager less than two picked both of these teams to make the playoffs. The latter was a mild stretch, and the former? As some guy on teevee said, and is therefore true, the Rays are the first team in the history of baseball to have ten straight losing seasons and then win 96+ games the following year. With all that young talent, they've got staying power. And don't buy the whole 'first time in the playoffs' garbage. Didn't prevent the 2003 Marlins from winning the whole thing, now did it. Who did they beat? Oh, that's right, The Fucking Yankees. Such conventional stupidity won't prevent a more well-rounded -- though admittedly banged up -- Tampa Bay team from winning at least one series. Rays in 5.
Los Angeles Anaheims of Walt Disney's Anti-Semitic Corpse vs. Bah-ston: a shame the two best teams in the American League are meeting in the ALDS, right? Well, hold on a sec there, partner. Their staffs are evenly matched -- don't let Frankie's 60+ saves fool you, though; Dennis Eckersley circa 1990 he ain't -- but Boston has the better top-to-bottom lineup. Where else but here can you get such in-depth, cutting edge analysis? Wait, here's something that's actually statistically useful: going strictly Pythagorean for a moment, the Angels won eleven games more than they should have. Hell, the Blue Jays were a better team according to the math. You simply do not see that large of a number all that often. Yes, I know Jack White-lookalike Josh Beckett is ailing. Won't matter. Boston in 5.
Chicago Cubs vs. L.A. Dodgers: Pick against Chicago and get fired? Are you nuts? (Actually, I was going to pick them anyway as they're unquestionably the best team in the National League, Manny-just-being-Manny notwithstanding). Though since they are the Cubs, I'm expecting Carlos Zambrano's arm to mysteriously fall off any day now. Cubs in 4.
Philadelphia vs. Milwaukee: You can ride the arms of two manly pitchers of manliness and a bunch of nothing else -- okay, I slightly exaggerate -- to a world championship. Have we forgotten about the 2001 Diamondbacks already? The Brewers only have one manly pitcher -- who could have ever predicted that Ben Sheets would get hurt for the 17th straight season! -- and their offense isn't as potent as that of Philadelphia, nor even in the same ballpark as that of Harvey's Wallbangers. And 72-year old Jamie Moyer keeps on throwin'. Phillies in 4.
Holy shit, an entire post with nary a mention of politics or Chimpy or Care Bear or McPOW or Unka Dick or Mooselini or Hair Plugs for Men.
Dammit! 
Well, off to make sure Ohio doesn't vote stupid. This might take a few decades. If we go GOP in November, I'm personally getting the blame. With friends like you, who needs Republicans.
I'm just kidding. Please don't make me do math.
Oh, shit. Now that the unwashed masses have sort of gurgled their possible displeasure with the bailout bill, enough Congressfuckers voted against the thing to send it down in flames, crashing on the White House lawn.
"Heh, heh, look Unka Dick, fire, fire!"
I fear that if the Murkan people enjoy this feeling, what will become of our precious military/industrial/entertainment complex?
Oh, shit. Now that the White Sux have knocked off the woefully underachieving Tigers, they might make the playoffs after this evening's game against the Twins, thereby making certain people extra happy. Add in the fact that the boss is already happy, and I fear a World Series starring both squads, and that's way too much happy for me to take.
Oh, shit. My state is even dumber than I had previously thought. Yes, even I, disciple of lefty slackerdom, received one of those wingnut propaganda DVDs in the mail. It was fun to hammer it into tiny little pieces.
Cool crack effects, no? Take that, photoshoppers!
What isn't fun is the fear that even more Ohioans will be voting for McFossil than I had previously assumed.
Of course, my biggest fear is that I won't have enough booze on hand the morning of November 5 to dull my pain upon coming to grips with the fact that the world must suffer another four years of taxcut-and-spend, free market socialist interventionists.
Hard to believe that it was only one month ago when the superheated air was saturated with moisture and the sun beat the senses down with the inexorable drone of a political speech. Walking to work now? There's a bittersweet crispness in the air, an earthy scent of melancholy borne upon memories that float amidst the cycle of life and death; the leaves have begun to change, some subtly, their margins tinged with yellow and the faintest brush of orange peeking out when struck by a stray ray of light breaking through the slate grey of increasingly overcast skies. Honestly, what could be better than autumn?
Huh? Sorry, I was trying to think of things that don't automatically induce the shivers followed up by a round of vomiting.
I'm sure if Mr. Campbell was here with us, he would say "get your read on, motherfuckers!" or something equally inspirational. In any case, today begins Banned Books Week, a time of celebrating the joys of reading while giving the middle finger to assholes who would dare dictate which pages you can and cannot lay your eyes upon, which words you can and cannot see.
Once again, I must apologize for the stupidity that seems, despite our best efforts, to nest within my home state. Oh, how they make me so cross.
Xander: Spike.
Giles: What are you doing here?
Spike: Me? I'm not the one out of place here.
Xander: For your information, smarty, we've got a rogue Slayer on our hands. Real psycho-killer, too.
Spike: Sounds serious.
Giles: It is. What do you know?
Spike: What do you need?
Xander: Her. Dark hair, yea tall. Name of Faith. Criminally insane.
Giles: Have you seen her?
Spike: Is this bird after you?
Xander: In a bad way. Yeah.
Spike: Tell you what I'll do then. Head out, find this girl, tell her exactly where all of you are, and then watch as she kills you.
Can anyone of your damn little Scooby club at least try to remember that I hate you all? Just because I can't do the damage myself doesn't stop me from aiming a loose cannon your way. And here I thought the evening'd be dull.
Xander: Go ahead! You wouldn't even recognize her!
Spike: Dark hair, this tall, name of Faith. Criminally insane. I like this girl already.
Xander: We're dumb.
The report confirms that Freshwater burned crosses onto students’ arms, using an electrostatic device, in December. Freshwater told investigators the marks were Xs, not crosses. But all of the students interviewed in the investigation reported being branded with crosses. The investigation report includes a photo of one student’s arm with a long vertical line and a short horizontal line running through it.Embarrassing, no? Though some aren't all hot and bothered.
Other than burning a cross into the flesh of small children -- and who hasn't thought about doing that, the little shits -- I'm sure he is a swell guy.Neither Freshwater nor his attorney, Roger Weaver, could be reached for comment last night. Freshwater’s friend, Dave Daubenmire, defended him.
“With the exception of the cross-burning episode … I believe John Freshwater is teaching the values of the parents in the Mount Vernon school district,’’ he said.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: this is what happens when you sit down to watch the talking hairpieces.
But Randal, you say, that's a mighty good rant.
Indeed it is, but our esteemed ranter has likely cut 72.6 years off of her life by watching such overheated tripe. And if there's one thing you don't want to overheat, it's tripe. Really loses its flavor and then you're stuck compensating with too much Mrs. Dash.
Being one who is naturally cynical, I haven't come remotely close to embracing the inspirational, feel-good-campaignism of the Senator from Illinois. Just ain't my gig. Of course, being one who is naturally not inclined to overtly militaristic imperialism, the jackass from Arizona garners support in the negative. By default, I trust the average politician about as far as I can throw them, and I haven't been all that strong since I got off the flaxseed oil. Even pressing triangle, circle or square has become somewhat of a chore. The verbal smackdown by Barack Hussein X of Holy Joe, a truly contemptible and vile excuse of a homo sapien, was, however, quite enjoyable -- keep it up, young man, and you may yet win me over to indifference. Even more enjoyable was my (and other's) representative's on-the-floor crusade/jihad for impeachment that I know will end up going nowhere.
Yes, Lack O' Votes Brigade and the We Hate The Perfect Coalition, I understand your viewpoints, and even sympathize on rare occasions when I'm drunk or voting or voting while drunk. What I don't get are the 40-50% of Americans -- a greater amount than the crazy few still counting themselves as followers of Satan's puppet -- who don't support impeachment at all -- are you fucking blind, been living in a cave on Mars for eight years or merely passed out because of painful gastrointestinal problems caused by salmonella-infested tomatoes? Only $5/gallon gas truly boils your blood, the reasons for the price increase be damned? -- nor the cowardly and/or evil fucks of both parties that waste time in Congress investigating my fellow juicers or documentary filmmakers. (I dare not bother with the well-coiffed assholes at all; they're as helpful to the discourse as bovine spongiform encephalopathy is to good health) No, wait, I do understand them, as do you. All too well. But please, do not waste precious time defending either of these groups.
They don't deserve it, but we certainly deserve the government we have. A shame we cannot excise the 25 percenters from polite society like we aren't doing with the creators of this planned clusterfuck. I know that doesn't sound uniquely American. Big deal. I had no control over where I was born. If I had popped out in Gaza, I'd probably be a suicide bomber. If I had crawled into existence in France, I'd likely be topped by a beret (socialist, not raspberry) while writing bad existential poetry along the Seine.
Our outdated, two-party system doesn't work. Another uniquely unAmerican statement. I'd love to consistently vote third party, but unless you have a foolproof plan for a grand cultural shift, good fucking luck with those guys in any kind of national election. Folks like George Wallace, Ross Perot and Ralph Nader were the anomalies that proved the rule, and none of them had a legitimate shot at sitting in the Oval Office. Ever.
Oh, Randal, stop helping to prop up a broken system.
I will, when one of the major parties stops nominating candidates who count bombing, unfettered money worship and invasion of privacy instead of feathers, body oils and champagne three-ways as fetishes.
Look, we're a winner-take-all nation. Despite the lip service played to the underdog, America loves a champ; it's forced into our collective social DNA from birth. Don't believe me? How much Yankees and Red Sox paraphernalia do you see compared to the Brewers? Did you already forget the choking jingoism after 9/11? Shining city on a hill, hear us march on down to stomp you out of existence so we can steal your take our resources 'cause we're the greatest thing since the invention of the sandwich, motherfuckers.
I am legion, for we are many.
Everyone not the boss is quickly forgotten (unless you're the Buffalo Bills) because we're all trying to be the boss. There is a deeply ingrained expectation, and acceptance, of a bipolar world.
"My, what simplicity you have!"
"All the better to eat you with my dear!"
Yes/no, either/or, up/down, left/right, man/woman, red/blue, ketchup/mustard, good/bad, us/them. Nothing changes overnight save which B-movie you're watching on cable while sprawled out on the living room couch, bloated from too many bags of Funyuns.
Of course, this would all be solved if we had a parliamentary machine with a distinctly European flavor instead. Tell me you aren't salivating at the mere thought of bitching about an entirely different set of problems!
Those marching suckers were pissed off over, not an obvious transformation into a full-fledged rogue nation, but beef. Beef. Too bad this would never happen here. Protest and survive? Bah.
In a few decades, humanity is going to look back and wonder what the fuck we were thinking by not kicking these lunatics out of office. Oaths just aren't what they used to be.
I wonder how psycho the next one will be.
And remember, if paranoia about losing the election had/has/will have you against it, fret not, mes amis. We can still lose, trials and DOC inmate numbers or not. Place faith in the American voter and affiliated electoral contraptions at your own peril. I will not be joining you. Unless you're buying. I warn you though, the green fairy is expensive.
"Fool me once, shame on you. You fool me, can't get fooled again."
Oh, but we can.
Crime does indeed pay, you and your predecessors proved that.
You didn't think I put that up there for shits and giggles, did you?
Speaking of crime -- boy, am I the Master of the Segue -- a comment by Divajood in the Miami Vice post from this past weekend got me thinking. Most album covers that should -- if there were any justice in the world, and we know there isn't -- be illegal are usually associated with equally repulsive music, regardless of genre. But, within your personal collection, are there any putrescent sleeves stealthily hiding exquisite music?
I'm not talking ones that call forth neither good nor bad feelings, ones that fail to conjure venomous hatred and loathing, but ones that are, frankly, embarrassing. Until you spin the disc. See, even the greats fuck up.
My choice: one of my all-time favorite albums, a completely underrated classic within the primordial metallic soup that was the 1970s that one wouldn't know merely by looking at the disco inferno duds worn by Messrs. Butler, Iommi, Osbourne and Ward. I blame the drugs.
Top that.
Evil power disappears
Demons worry when the wizard is near
He turns tears into joy
Everyone's happy when the wizard walks by
Almost everyone.
Security camera footage of Republican operatives looting the U.S. Treasury.
Crossing over isn't just for Texas.
A staggering 16,000-plus Republicans in Cuyahoga County switched parties when they voted in last week's primary.So, is it indeed illegal?
That includes 931 in Rocky River, 1,027 in Westlake and 1,142 in Strongsville. More than a third of the Republicans in Solon and Bay Village switched. Pepper Pike had the most dramatic change: just under half of its Republicans became Democrats. And some of those who changed - it's difficult to say how many - could be in trouble with the law.
At least one member of the Cuyahoga County Board of Elections wants to investigate some Republicans who may have crossed party lines only to influence which Democrat would face John McCain in November.
Anyone who crossed lines was supposed to sign a pledge card vowing allegiance to their new party. In Cuyahoga County, dozens and dozens of Republicans scribbled addendums onto their pledges as new Democrats.
Lying on the pledge is a felony, punishable by six to 12 months in jail and a $2,500 fine.Fine, technically it's illegal if you don't follow through on the pledge, but then again, I'm not big on loyalty oaths. What this strikes me as most is one more flaw in our limiting, two-party system. Among the legion of Limbaugh Automatons I'm sure a few switched out of truly wishing to do so. Yes, the number of such creatures is probably small, but are we then to lock someone into voting for the subsequent nominee? I can't read minds, can you?
Election watchers said they don't know any cases that have been prosecuted in Ohio. And it's unlikely the Republican crossovers influenced the outcome since Clinton handily defeated Obama, said Edward Foley, an election-law professor at Ohio State University.
But he said Ohioans need to learn the rules governing their voting - and poll workers need to enforce them.
In a nutshell, here how it's supposed to work: Ohio voters are allowed to switch party affiliations on the day of a primary election but only if they sign a pledge vowing to support their new party - and mean it.
If a majority of poll workers at a precinct doubt a voter's sincerity, they can challenge the voter even if the voter signed the pledge.
In the days following the election, The Plain Dealer interviewed more than two dozen voters - most of them Republicans who crossed over to Democrats last week.
None - including five who acknowledged lying about supporting the Democrats - were challenged. And several said poll workers never asked them to sign a pledge, but gave them a Democratic ticket.
"You better run. I will burn a hole right through your fucking soul."
Completely unrelated update:
The Super Magical Jesus Baby gets in a strong jab!
Never send a child to do an adult's job.
Bush said that during his talks with Roh, he reaffirmed the U.S. position that Washington will consider the war formally over only when North Korean leader Kim Jong Il actually dismantles his nuclear program.That's fine and all, keeping up the face of Manly Man of Manliness Toughguyism, but I'm so confused. Does this mean that the Cold War isn't over, either? I thought we won that! You lied, history books, you fucking lied! Which wars are or are not still going on? Is this World War IV? The world is so complicated! Woe is me! If only there was a serious adult person around that radiated thoughtful leadership to help me through this Byzantine political labyrinth.
Bush, now looking irritated, replied: "I can't make it any more clear, Mr. President. We look forward to the day when we can end the Korean War. That will end - will happen when Kim verifiably gets rid of his weapons programs and his weapons."Fuck that. I look forward to the day when we can end the Civil War. Now, how about somebody explain to me what's going on!
"There was clearly something lost in translation," National Security Council spokesman Gordon Johndroe said in a rushed e-mail to reporters.Yeah, Roh hadn't anticipated just how much more of a dick Bush is in person and it merely caught him off guard. No harm, no foul. For now.
One gets the distinct impression that if his sign had read anything but "Impeach Bush," none of this bullshit would've happened.
"Kent Safety Director William Lillich said similar tickets have been issued there, but he is not sure whether they involved commercial or political messages. He said candidates have been contacted and told to move inappropriately placed campaign signs."
It's certainly possible that Portage County deals with such matters differently than does Cuyahoga, but upon viewing the thousands of campaign signs, both official and partisan, that remain on public green spaces and tree lawns before, during and after elections, I find his statement laughable in the least, especially given what Kent city ordinance 503.02 Advertising on Public Property actually says. And the gentleman who cited him?
"[He] asked the police officer how his sign differed from realtors posting signs on public property saying 'This way to the house for sale.' He said the officer asked, 'You don't know the difference?' but never explained what it might be."
Why would he? We've been conditioned in this culture to allow corporate language through myriad media in every possible avenue of our lives, so anyone equating free speech of a political bent with that is viewed as aberrant. The business of America is business, indeed. If only Mr. Egler had been selling something.
Liberal bloggers eat babies!
"Almost every White House hopeful tries to sound as if American troops will be out of Iraq moments after he or she takes office, regardless of how physically impossible or geopolitically improbable that might be."
Exactly. I don't know how many times that foppish Edwards has promised, if elected, to use his wonderful Breck Girl powers to levitate troops by the battalion out of Iraq on a fleet of Magical Flying Ponies in a Show of Spellbinding Sorcery that would take mere minutes. And just imagine how worse it would get if we did leave! Shudder!
"They're all promising to provide universal health care, raise taxes and take a tougher stand on trade. The Third Way policies espoused by former President Bill Clinton have largely been forgotten - even, it seems, by his wife."
Fools. Don't they know Americans love the current for-profit health care system, the runaway bank accounts of the obscenely rich that shouldn't be used instead on, oh, infrastructure, and the delicious, nutritious and safe e.coli imports that have cost thousands upon thousands of jobs? But wait. The Clenis in a positive light? Color me confused. I know us on the left are required to genuflect before the altar of bipartisanship - because there's nothing worse than being a partisan for the little guy - but this is Clinton we're talking about.
"Net-roots activists like their politics undiluted by moderation or pragmatism; they think that's the way to mobilize Democratic voters."
Whew! Messaging back on track. And it's a good thing that we didn't try to articulate our fringe, pot-addled anti-war views on the Democratic field in 2006. We might've - gasp - lost!
"They've forced Pelosi and Reid into a succession of failed anti-war measures that have demolished Congress' approval ratings. Unless the presidential candidates have more backbone, they risk being pushed into a corner that could help resuscitate the dispirited GOP."
Shorter Plain Dealer:
If only the Democrats would show less backbone, they'd show more backbone.
Since your offices aren't inside the beltway, it's okay to refrain from High Broderism. Morons.
I'm well aware that 2004 proved how much suckitude my state is capable of, so I feel that it's my duty as an Ohioan to show you that your worries are completely unfounded. My state still sucks.
