Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Cleveland doesn't always Rock

Liberal bloggers eat babies!

"Almost every White House hopeful tries to sound as if American troops will be out of Iraq moments after he or she takes office, regardless of how physically impossible or geopolitically improbable that might be."

Exactly. I don't know how many times that foppish Edwards has promised, if elected, to use his wonderful Breck Girl powers to levitate troops by the battalion out of Iraq on a fleet of Magical Flying Ponies in a Show of Spellbinding Sorcery that would take mere minutes. And just imagine how worse it would get if we did leave! Shudder!

"They're all promising to provide universal health care, raise taxes and take a tougher stand on trade. The Third Way policies espoused by former President Bill Clinton have largely been forgotten - even, it seems, by his wife."

Fools. Don't they know Americans love the current for-profit health care system, the runaway bank accounts of the obscenely rich that shouldn't be used instead on, oh, infrastructure, and the delicious, nutritious and safe e.coli imports that have cost thousands upon thousands of jobs? But wait. The Clenis in a positive light? Color me confused. I know us on the left are required to genuflect before the altar of bipartisanship - because there's nothing worse than being a partisan for the little guy - but this is Clinton we're talking about.

"Net-roots activists like their politics undiluted by moderation or pragmatism; they think that's the way to mobilize Democratic voters."

Whew! Messaging back on track. And it's a good thing that we didn't try to articulate our fringe, pot-addled anti-war views on the Democratic field in 2006. We might've - gasp - lost!

"They've forced Pelosi and Reid into a succession of failed anti-war measures that have demolished Congress' approval ratings. Unless the presidential candidates have more backbone, they risk being pushed into a corner that could help resuscitate the dispirited GOP."

Shorter Plain Dealer:
If only the Democrats would show less backbone, they'd show more backbone.

Since your offices aren't inside the beltway, it's okay to refrain from High Broderism. Morons.

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