Evil Blog Together*

"There once was a man named enis."
There once was a man named richard dawson. Your point?
"Fred willard those lazy no good commie pinko pigs rant."
What a stupid meme.
"Tithonus by 500 bc."
I'm not that old yet.
"On this viral globe."
As a famous man once opined, life is downbeat monsieur noir. Forgive me -- mademoiselle, for I am floating in a sea of reverie.
"Nympho librarians?"
Know any?
"Chennin blank pornstar."
It's Blanc, by the way.
"Much fucking emo."
Oh, dry those eyes, sweetie pie, cthulhu ear taper.
"That sounds Revolution 9 demonic."
I'm not a big Beatles fan.
"Forge dubalone."
The mob over matters of taste? Oh, dingus fargle.
"Jaye p morgan gong show flash."
Whoa, slow down, sexy pervert girl.
"Ennui you illiterate."
You're in a mood, Dr. Fuckeye. What's next, gluing poliyet?
"Homer metal."
Now we're talking.
"Indians habitual cunt lick."
Are you coming on to me?
"Brazil fuck."
Quite far to travel for that, don't you think?
"When did the 8 track come out?"
Sometime before salma hayek hard masturbate movies don't change the subject.
"A foolish fool."
I'm no politician.
"Bomb bomb bomb flash."
What did I just say?
"Silent civil servant."
What, no prestidigitarianism?
"Im gonna get something to eat."
Ouch.

*all phrases in italics are actual keywords your fellow automatons used to arrive.

Key to the (Information Super)Highway*

"There once was a man named enis."
In cthulhu america?
"Chin up buckaroo scooby."
I'm a negative person.
"May I have ten thousand marbles please?"
No.
"Anyone claim to die go to hell and come back to talk about it?"
Jar hitler.
"I drink too much German beer as it is, I ain't drinking German brains fermented in the pit. How much cod liver oil should I drink?"
What is this, twenty questions? Youporn cannibal women eating women.
"Sick bastard, you won't get rid of me that easily."
But that phrase is almost perfect.
"How to relieve ennui."
Are you threatening me?
"Burt Lancaster naked."
What the fuck.
"+18 fuck."
As long as it's not Burt Lancaster.
"30 plus hot pants babes."
Now that's more my gender and age bracket.
"Hot strippers in front of the camera."
They're strippers, too?
"Randall the redoubtable!"
Yes?
"What does a giant cockroach eat?"
Jesus art president soldier lawyer cthulhu.
"Alright, smartass, whats french for love is for suckers?"
Le mariage.
"Comical. How to get off with doppelgangers?"
Are they 30 plus hot pants babe strippers?
"Yawn. Reasons to tip your waitress."
She's wearing hot pants.
"One track mind."
Laura Prepon nude.
"I stand corrected."
Ennui is wasted on the young.
"Going existential?"
Ingo ist mein freund.
"Sartre wasn't Teutonic, genius."
French smut for dummies.
"Now we're talking. How do you say 'that's some good shit' in italien?"
Scrambled eggs magic the gathering.
"Weirdo."
Eat your brains my feet.
"Stop it."
L'ennui nude.
"I'll fucking kill you."
Ennui fuck scene.
"You really sick bastard. Now who's threatening whom."
History of kajikistan.
"I'll take being boiled alive for $500, Alex."
That's Uzbekistan.
"As long as I don't have to see you in your birthday suit."
Funny, my wife says the same thing.

*all phrases in italics are actual keywords that drug-addled and/or chemically-imbalanced insomniac lunatic hermits used to find their way here.

Is that a keyword on your screen, or are you just happy to see me?

Oh, CHUDs of the internets, it's been so long since we last danced and drank too much cheap hooch and threw up on each others shoes and got into a fist fight over who was going to clean it up and crashed into a telephone pole on the way to the hospital to tend to our non-fatal injuries because we were still throwing punches but luckily it was a telephone pole adjacent to the hospital so we didn't die from our near-fatal ones.

Sure, it's no Smeckler's Powder, but a balsam specific often does the trick.

What is this ploober that brought you here? Surprisingly, The Urban Dictionary wasn't helpful. Alright, The Google, help a honky out. Type, type, type. Ah, it's apparently some tech geek shit of some sort. Do I look like that kind of geek?

















And I certainly don't look like a sadism tube mood pictures.com kind of geek either. I'm married, so my fetish is obviously masochistic in nature. Duh.

What kind of loser sinks to "writing loveletters imaginary"? All mine are real. I just haven't sent them yet.

As far as I know, Carl Sagan's hair was legit, so astronomy and man and toupee and television is quite a roundabout way of searching for Shatner®, don't you think?










rosenkranz and guildenstern are undead would kick so much ass.

"Something is rotten in Denmark. No, really, Horatio, Hamlet's a zombie."

"la chevelure vol d'une flamme à l'extrême" explanation Don't ask me, ask the guy who wrote it. I know he's dead, but maybe you'll get lucky and find out that he's a zombie, too.

Many have come to share my belief that this blog is french for you fool.

my love for you is like a truck berserker Given who you likely are, Sorcerer of Cheetohs, I would not like some making fuck. Now, if you're a Sorceress, call me.


















Betcha Rhett Butler would've given a whole moustache full of damn if there had been a bunch of antebellum lesbian babes in his midst.


















I can honestly say that I rarely, if ever, see a PDA on the bus, let alone a fuck in public transportation.

And you all scoffed at l'ennui hot scene.

Never underestimate the power of a sexy monocle.

Le passe-partout

The actual French translation of skeleton key doesn't sound as cool as I'd hoped. Screw you, frogs, la clé de squelette it is, Académie Française be damned. Anyway, once upon a time, there lived a man with a monocle. A slacker he was and so much slacking did he that slack his brain became and struggled he did to design a fresh post. So cut himself some slack he did for despite his lack of s-m-r-t-s, clever he was and let the internets do it for him he did!

"Cramping my style you are!"

So what kind of crazy critters have made their way chez Randal?

I'll admit that I sometimes post images of scantily-clad ladies, because like all hetero dudes, I'm part swine, but I don't think you'll find x rated entertainment here, not when there's hours of free stuff at YouPorn.

is brandon dubinsky jewish? According to Wikipedia, he is.

how to put yourself in a coma. Easy:


















"i hate foreign languages" So do I sometimes, anonymous pal, so do I.

You cannot fathom the excitement coursing through my loins, oh yes, when I read "she's all yours" field dressed spit.























Flutter. Sigh. She's such a MILF. Moose I'd Like to Filet. You didn't think I was talking about Palin, did you?

I know the Cheetohs Brigade® has some strange fetishes, but I don't get the allure of fuck old woman bombs. Not boobs, bombs.

Ewww, I hope it isn't some bizarre Peggy Noonan cocktail thing.

A grand dream fulfilled it would be if rush limbaugh trickle up poverty hits the bloated gasbag sooner rather than later.

What's most disturbing isn't that barney lets fuck mother fucker part 1 means there's a barney lets fuck motherfucker part 2, but that the second doesn't contain a space between mother and fucker, throwing the entire meaning of the couplet completely off. Prop her speling is the goodest.

happy birthday whore you ain't virgin. Always glad to see the classy College Republicans pay a visit.

Okay, I'll admit it. buffy x rated was me.


















What's that for? I am too classy!

Anyway, dude -- or chick -- non friction scary stories ain't scary. You don't want it to hurt. Or maybe you do, especially since you're probably the same dude -- or chick -- that was looking for the very first blody fucking pictures. þá bastardas béoþ æþryte!

No, I didn't search for french songs about guilt. Why are you looking at me like that?

spouse sleeps on couch pretends everything is o.k. Sometimes. Go away.

i don't know what i'm doing with my life. Me either.

Boy, this is more depressing that I would've imagined. Come on, internets weirdos, freaks and geeks, help me out, will ya?

that's why they call them freedom fries, frenchy.


















Not anymore, rube. Vive la France!

save the motherfuckin day yeah. One post at a time, mon ami inconnu, one post at a time.

Skeleton keys

Hmm, that's quite odd.



















Holy hell!



















Ah, it burns!

There are some weird motherfuckers out there. Glad I'm not one of 'em.

Not a very bold statement, I realize, and when one compares this place to others that get even weirder motherfuckers for whatever reason, legitimate or not, it'll seem even less striking. And after I humorlessly discuss a few keywords of The Google® that led people to unlock the hidden cubic zirconia treasures of this mediocre blog, it'll seem even less than that. That's a lot of less. Which is what I seem to specialize in.

At We Lick Toxic Imports Clean!, we have lots of less!

I know, I should have majored in marketing.

I don't have fourteen billion readers, thank Beelzebub -- only a deranged lunatic ready to snap at a moments notice into a bloodthirsty spree killer would want to have an über-blog -- so the words and/or phrases that the socially maladjusted porn-surfers (as opposed to us suave, debonair porn-surfers) typically use in their neverending search for [collection of various body parts] [action] [smutty residue] -- Adult Entertainment Mad Libs are the future of fun! -- are quite limited chez Randal, so here are the ones that, for some reason, occurred the most:

mrs bradley franiam. Um, Fran, any ideas?

Variations on ennui such as the properly articled l'ennui and the quick-and-dirty ennui. No explanation needed. We are legion, a joyless lot, neither happy nor sad, but merely 'meh.' The title of this blog in myriad permutations and misspellings is also quite popular.

A few fete nationales also appeared, some with the accent circonflexe, most without, some with bonne, some not. Vive la France and all that jazz, fellow honorary frogs. Now go eat a hamburger.

satan's coming around the bend. Aw yeah, now we're talkin'! Sabbath, motherfucker! Either that or some minion of LaVey is really quite hopeful. Don't forget your goat leggings!

Wait. Isn't Satan already here?












"Why yes, future Happy Meal, I am."

The rest of the keywords are smaller in number, but here are a few that, good, bad or bizarre, caught my eye.

amour sorcier parfümleri. I'm not familiar with any literary reference to heavily-cologned French love wizards, so I don't get what this dude (chick?) was searching for. Did les Français invent a new subgenre of skin flick I don't know about?

I can totally get behind the chris matthews terminated campaign.

Yeah sure, like you're gonna buy me a billion hamburgers and watch them change the sign. There are better uses of your time. That sign ain't going nowhere, son.

how do you spell crazy in german. I don't know, maybe we should ask Barack Hussein X since he's so tight with them. Though I guess any lie-brul will do since they are, by definition, fascists.

press play media lusty grandmas. Sorry, you want the abodes of the future president and vice president.

the sickness of ennui. Whomever you are, I've got it, too. Solidarność!

you re fucking weird award. He also won the no apostrophe award.

tentacles squid pussy fuck. Jeez, I'm even getting the hentai dudes.

But my personal favorite has to be when husbands go to work xxx. Why? Because I haven't had so much as a u, v or w experience here, let alone an x.

Well, there was that one time...