Skeleton keys

Hmm, that's quite odd.



















Holy hell!



















Ah, it burns!

There are some weird motherfuckers out there. Glad I'm not one of 'em.

Not a very bold statement, I realize, and when one compares this place to others that get even weirder motherfuckers for whatever reason, legitimate or not, it'll seem even less striking. And after I humorlessly discuss a few keywords of The Google® that led people to unlock the hidden cubic zirconia treasures of this mediocre blog, it'll seem even less than that. That's a lot of less. Which is what I seem to specialize in.

At We Lick Toxic Imports Clean!, we have lots of less!

I know, I should have majored in marketing.

I don't have fourteen billion readers, thank Beelzebub -- only a deranged lunatic ready to snap at a moments notice into a bloodthirsty spree killer would want to have an über-blog -- so the words and/or phrases that the socially maladjusted porn-surfers (as opposed to us suave, debonair porn-surfers) typically use in their neverending search for [collection of various body parts] [action] [smutty residue] -- Adult Entertainment Mad Libs are the future of fun! -- are quite limited chez Randal, so here are the ones that, for some reason, occurred the most:

mrs bradley franiam. Um, Fran, any ideas?

Variations on ennui such as the properly articled l'ennui and the quick-and-dirty ennui. No explanation needed. We are legion, a joyless lot, neither happy nor sad, but merely 'meh.' The title of this blog in myriad permutations and misspellings is also quite popular.

A few fete nationales also appeared, some with the accent circonflexe, most without, some with bonne, some not. Vive la France and all that jazz, fellow honorary frogs. Now go eat a hamburger.

satan's coming around the bend. Aw yeah, now we're talkin'! Sabbath, motherfucker! Either that or some minion of LaVey is really quite hopeful. Don't forget your goat leggings!

Wait. Isn't Satan already here?












"Why yes, future Happy Meal, I am."

The rest of the keywords are smaller in number, but here are a few that, good, bad or bizarre, caught my eye.

amour sorcier parfümleri. I'm not familiar with any literary reference to heavily-cologned French love wizards, so I don't get what this dude (chick?) was searching for. Did les Français invent a new subgenre of skin flick I don't know about?

I can totally get behind the chris matthews terminated campaign.

Yeah sure, like you're gonna buy me a billion hamburgers and watch them change the sign. There are better uses of your time. That sign ain't going nowhere, son.

how do you spell crazy in german. I don't know, maybe we should ask Barack Hussein X since he's so tight with them. Though I guess any lie-brul will do since they are, by definition, fascists.

press play media lusty grandmas. Sorry, you want the abodes of the future president and vice president.

the sickness of ennui. Whomever you are, I've got it, too. Solidarność!

you re fucking weird award. He also won the no apostrophe award.

tentacles squid pussy fuck. Jeez, I'm even getting the hentai dudes.

But my personal favorite has to be when husbands go to work xxx. Why? Because I haven't had so much as a u, v or w experience here, let alone an x.

Well, there was that one time...