Saturday, July 5, 2008

Ugly Betty Beauty

"Brains, get effortizing!"

When one trots out that tried-and-true line of "I've got nothin'," whether with a creative act offline or yet another blogpost for the intertubes -- which, I suppose, is also a creative act, but I digress -- that actually means that someone does in fact have something, just nothing -- ha ha -- that one would deem worthy of sharing with others, or at the very least, touting as something that posterity would either love or enjoy casting aspersions at until we are all vaporized in the inevitable global thermonukyular war. Thus, we cobble together bits and pieces from various mediums, formulating a collage of images and enough windy blather to make it appear that we put forth at least a modicum of effort.

Therefore, I present to you The Ugly, something that you likely already know about, the death of world-class hypocrite and first-rank fucking asshole, Jesse Helms. I wish there was a hell for you to suffer in, you neanderthal fuck.

Yeah, I know all about the 'my mother taught me' shtick. I thought that was pretty goddamn nice considering, don't you?

Ugh. Why should we waste our beautiful minds on something like that any more than we have to? Since I'm currently tweaking -- revamping sounds far too much like a 5-year orange barrel Ohio Department of Transportation project, and I hope it doesn't take that long -- the part of my story that takes place in Argenteuil, here's The Beauty, a painting of that area done many years ago by a famous dude.

Claude Monet, Le petit bras de la Seine à Argenteuil, 1872.

To recap:
1. Scan the news wire for an interesting item.
2. Find related photo, preferably comical.
3. Ramble. Insightful commentary optional, swearing not.
4. Find unrelated item not subject to news requirement.
5. Find related photo, preferably serious.
6. Ramble some more. Swearing optional.
7. Publish.

Et voilà, instant post!

Braining is hard work. They go sleep now.


Freida Bee said...

6.5) Meta-blog

Liberality said...

Yeah, I think that about nails it. But sometimes the comments become an article all by themselves. People can be really clever sometimes. You are one of them that is clever most of the time. Really, all your blogging energy is going into comments so that leaves little stuff or even nothing for your blog don't it?

DivaJood said...

Wait. Jesse Helms died? I thought he'd been embalmed years ago, only nobody told him. May he rot in the 9th circle.

okjimm said...

//first-rank fucking asshole,..... you neanderthal fuck.//

hmmmm...I take it you are not going to the memorial service?

Utah Savage said...

A bit of something for everyone. I could have done without the photo of Jesse Grand poobah of the clan Helms, but he did die, thank god? Next on my list of guys who have been dead for decades, but still go on doing their dirty work, are Dick that motherfucker Cheney, and Pat would you shut the fuck up and crawl back in your crypt Buchannon. One can only hope.

And thanks for the lovely Monet. Sigh..

Randal Graves said...

FB, hey, if that's what I have to resort to.

liberality, as good a reason as any for my crappy posts! At least I put up a purty picture. And the Monet thing is nice, too.

diva, you say that in jest, but I honestly thought he was dead, too. Maybe I was thinking of Strom.

"Hey, Satan, what's the matter?"
"Jesse is too frozen!"

okjimm, not when they're charging $5 for drinks!

utah, Cheney, being a biomechanical machine, will never die. Whenever a piece of human self rots away, they'll just graft the skin of a newborn onto the metal skeleton.

I love me some Monet. I don't love me some Buchanan.

Bradda said...

Phew, for a second I thought you were straight tweaking. We can't have that now can we?

Tom Harper said...

I'm not saying Jesse Helms was unpopular or anything, but on the day he died the entire country celebrated with fireworks.

Snave said...

Your posts ain't crappy.

That picture of Helms addressing the Christian Coalition was crappy, though. Scheise... What a great Christian he was. Seems to me real Christians would have drummed him out of their midst years ago. What a creep he was.

American Hill BIlly said...

The short recap was good! on other news:

I have some current business at hand. I will keep posting, but please no one be offended when I don't come to your different, and very excellent sites as much. All I ask is that you do read what I research, and if in protest, then do not comment. The Business must take my time for the current while.

Peace and Freedom

susan said...

So that's your secret! I will remember.

I figured with 3 days off I could come up with something mildly entertaining but I'm already 2 days behind.

It might be time for desperate measures.

Distributorcap said...

your posts are ANYTHING but unoriginal or ugly

creativity thy name is randal

as for jesse
maybe we can all take a pilgrimage to his cemetery a la Jim Morrison and sing Dixie

Mary Ellen said...

Hi Randal- Well, you know what would make your posts fascinating? Some eye candy for the ladies. After all, you have quite a following here with the gals, ya know.

Actually, if you change one thing on this blog, I'll come to Cleveland and knock the snot of ya. This is one of two blogs that I come to regularly so I could start my day with a smile. Okjimm's is the other.

Have a great Sunday...I"m sure you'll be spending time in Church, eh? ;-)

Utah Savage said...

No, Mary Ellen, he'll be going here and there listening in on the plot the chicks are hatching to murder someone. Fictionally, of course. Probably. Let's hope, anyway.

Randal Graves said...

bradda, only mood-altering stuff I can afford is cheap hooch!

tom, hell, even the children were shooting off bottle rockets. It was *sniff* beautiful to see.

snave, funny how the non-evil Christians don't seem to get as much air time as the fundie wackos, huh.

AHB, hell man, I understand. People like you and Kelso are digging up quality stuff with commentary and that takes time. I just bullshit for a bit.

susan, I'll have to dig up my Random Post Generator. The problem is, that only choose what to talk about. You still have to write the prose. Could always try plagiarism of some extra obscure writer.

dcap, actually, neither of those are my name. Sounds like a plan, but I'd like to piss on his grave, too.

ME, come on. I posted TWO dudes in this post. I can't remember the last time I posted a picture of a scantily-clad babe. You all are making out like bandits.

A threat, huh? Maybe I WILL change one thing! And I live for church.

utah, that's it. I'm staying offline to write. I think there's a plot afoot.

Dusty said...

Is that fuckwit Helms doing the "I could of had a V-8" thang except his old, maggot-ridden, bigoted self missed his forehead?

ThoughtCriminal said...

Helms is actually in Heaven, but thinks he's in Hell because it's integrated.

Dusty said...

Oh touche' on that thoughtcriminal. ;)

Randal Graves said...

dusty, "I coulda had another Negro mistress!" No, wait, that was Strom. It's so easy to get all those old cracker racists mixed up.

TC, heh heh. "What the hell is Richard Pryor doing up here?"
"Um, Jesse, that's god."

Kvatch said...

Every time I see that damn picture I think... "Wonder lobe powers...activate!!!"

Angie said...

I thought your comments were really quite tame considering...

Randal Graves said...

kvatch, "form of...a cracker!"

angie, we tried to clean up the swearing in honor of Chimpy's birthday.

Spartacus said...

I like the template. I just may borrow it one day. Now...Dear Penthouse....

Betty C. said...

"Let me ask you one question
Is your money that good
Will it buy you forgiveness
Do you think that it could
I think you will find
When your death takes its toll
All the money you made
Will never buy back your soul

And I hope that you die
And your death'll come soon
I will follow your casket
In the pale afternoon
And I'll watch while you're lowered
Down to your deathbed
And I'll stand o'er your grave
'Til I'm sure that you're dead."

Masters of War
Bob Dylan