Oh, ye of little faith, drowning in Envy of other great cities of the world, verily shall a Cleveland Sporting Franchise triumphantly march towards a championship!
Be humble and cast away your Lust for victory, good citizenry, and listen to the Word of the Lord! Surely you didn't think it would be this collection of large ruffians, a group that has more than mastered the art of, as they say on the continent, mauvaise chance:
Still your miscast Pride!
Or this association of rim-clangers:
Do not wear the chains of Wrath after yet another loss!
Or these natives, no longer restless but lethargic and duped:
Dost thou not know by now the sense of humor of the Lord? For He has given you a minor batsmen and assorted pieces in return for thy ace! The want of a professional of the majors would only reveal your Greed, a sin so deadly, a sin to lead thou into the Lake of Fire!
Rejoice, Cleveland, Rejoice, for it shall surely not take another two score and four years to win another trophy! Shining and bright like the Word, it can be thine if only thou repent! Repent, for I can smell the stench of Gluttony upon thy body and thy soul, gorging on foolish, earthbound wait-until-next-years!
And if that fails, ingest some of these:
The "spiritual" effects of psilocybin from so-called sacred mushrooms last for more than a year and may offer a way to help patients with fatal diseases or addictions, U.S. researchers reported on Tuesday.Put down the Slothful swill of Satan and embrace the spiritual! Amen!
The researchers also said their findings show there are safe ways to test psychoactive drugs on willing volunteers, if guidelines are followed.
In 2006, Roland Griffiths of Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, Maryland, and colleagues gave psilocybin to 36 volunteers and asked them how it felt. Most reported having a "mystical" or "spiritual" experience and rated it positively.
(what's with the extreme righteous holiness you ask? Aside from yours truly being an obvious child of Sweet Zombie Jesus -- oh, Cthulhu, I kid, please don't eat me -- The Flying Nunly has returned!)