Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Cleveland Rocks...even with a shiv in its back.

Oh, ye of little faith, drowning in Envy of other great cities of the world, verily shall a Cleveland Sporting Franchise triumphantly march towards a championship!

Be humble and cast away your Lust for victory, good citizenry, and listen to the Word of the Lord! Surely you didn't think it would be this collection of large ruffians, a group that has more than mastered the art of, as they say on the continent, mauvaise chance:

Still your miscast Pride!
Or this association of rim-clangers:

Do not wear the chains of Wrath after yet another loss!
Or these natives, no longer restless but lethargic and duped:

Dost thou not know by now the sense of humor of the Lord? For He has given you a minor batsmen and assorted pieces in return for thy ace! The want of a professional of the majors would only reveal your Greed, a sin so deadly, a sin to lead thou into the Lake of Fire!

Rejoice, Cleveland, Rejoice, for it shall surely not take another two score and four years to win another trophy! Shining and bright like the Word, it can be thine if only thou repent! Repent, for I can smell the stench of Gluttony upon thy body and thy soul, gorging on foolish, earthbound wait-until-next-years!

And if that fails, ingest some of these:

The "spiritual" effects of psilocybin from so-called sacred mushrooms last for more than a year and may offer a way to help patients with fatal diseases or addictions, U.S. researchers reported on Tuesday.

The researchers also said their findings show there are safe ways to test psychoactive drugs on willing volunteers, if guidelines are followed.

In 2006, Roland Griffiths of Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, Maryland, and colleagues gave psilocybin to 36 volunteers and asked them how it felt. Most reported having a "mystical" or "spiritual" experience and rated it positively.

Put down the Slothful swill of Satan and embrace the spiritual! Amen!

(what's with the extreme righteous holiness you ask? Aside from yours truly being an obvious child of Sweet Zombie Jesus -- oh, Cthulhu, I kid, please don't eat me -- The Flying Nunly has returned!)


The Flying Nunly said...

I can't tell you how many times I felt the need to genuflect while reading this post. :-D

Oh..the poor dear Cleveland Indians, they are in need of prayer...or an exorcism, or something.

Thanks for the plug on my new blog, kiddo. Of course, my posts can't reach the level of prose and poetry you have on this blog...but I think I can come up with some raunchy sex stuff. ;-)

okjimm said...

Arena Bowl? A good stiff brush and a little bleach should clean that up, ok.

--The "spiritual" effects of psilocybin-- I had one of those experiences...I felt I was nailed to the rocking chair. Listening to Santana on the head phones. It was "mystical" .

.....test psychoactive drugs on willing volunteers, if guidelines are followed......

Wow...that brings back memories. I met Ken Kesey, once, in '76 at a party. He had done a small keynote speech at a People's Bicenntenial Rally and I was the boy-wonder reporter. By 2am it was just Ken and Oregon Bob and some really fucked up dude from Iowa and myself passing a bottle of tequila in the backyard....and he talked of the experiments he had done at Menlo Park and how it helped him understand the connectivity of people...that we have so much more in common with each other than we will ever admit. No matter how different we try to be.

'if guidelines are followed' Aw, man, I never liked following lines much. They just seem to connect straight from one place to another and miss all the really neat stuff off to the side.

Gees, I gotta get off your blog and go to Jonestown. Free Hot Dogs today.

Christopher said...

The would example about Boston.

Übermilf said...

I happen to like Cleveland.

But I live in Chicago.

Dean Wormer said...

The researchers also said their findings show there are safe ways to test psychoactive drugs on willing volunteers, if guidelines are followed.

Ooohhh. Pick me! Pick me!

DivaJood said...

I loved psilocybin. And mescalin. And peyote (except for the puking part) and acid and... oh, hell, I never met a drug I didn't like. Perhaps that's why I wound up in AA, because I could never say never.

Randal Graves said...

flying nunly, of course you felt that way, I'm a very religious man. The holy vibes are ever present.

Bah, who wants high-falutin' poetry and prose when one can read a bunch o' perverted stuff! Everyone to nunly's!

okjimm, well hell, if you're going to get all otherworldly, forgo the Santana and spin some Sabbath grooves. Hey, look, my flesh on fire!

I used to be connected to people a lot more, but it was difficult going to the bathroom.

christopher, I'm sure the Bruins will win the Stanley Cup next year.

übermilf, Cleveland is alright, I'd merely like a title now and then.

dean, HA! Do you think they'll send the samples out? I'd hate to have to make a cross-country roadtrip with these gas prices.

diva, if you could say it again, they can make a movie about it.

"Do you expect me to talk?"
"No, Miss Diva, I expect you to get high!"

One non-canon Bond flick to one that is. See, okjimm, there's your connection. Cosmic!

Dr. Zaius said...

Mushrooms can indeed be a spiritual experience, if served as a sauce with chicken. Chocolate cake and ice cream help, of course.

Tom Harper said...

Go Cleveland! I've never been there, even though I'm from Pittsburgh originally (I was ten when we moved).

Cool article about psilocybin's spiritual effects. Looking back on my 20s and early 30s, I was a very religious person in those days and I didn't even know it.

Randal Graves said...

dr. zaius, mmm, now there's a meal that'll have one on the can!

tom, Pittsburgh? BOO!

See? Those wingnuts like to decry the lack of religious conviction among the left. How wrong they've been!

Stella said...

Cleveland. OK, I'm jealous. You've got Dennis Kucinich for your representative. Of course, if we put Dennis and my rep together in the White House "what a wonderful world it would be..."

Ken Kesey, okjimm? That must have been an amazing experience. Divajood, I never knew. I miss the 60s and 70s for so many reasons.

FranIAm said...

Cleveland. Changed planes there a few times...

But it has Kucinich, that great photo makes it look nice. And then you are there - right?

Oh nevermind...

Je ne regrette rien said...

real estate is hella cheap in Cleveland. How many decades do you think it will take for this to change. or should I ask centuries? :P

Utah Savage said...

Mummm. Butt shot. Beefcake day at Randals. Glad I didn't miss the party. And Randal, you can write some pretty poetic stuff for you franchise, or so I gathered. I was looking at the butt shot. Mummm. distract me some any time.

Anonymous said...

So I come to your blog with the intention of incerting something wicked smaht, witty, clever, but alas I see the sports and glaze over like a jelly donut.

susan said...

I never did get my free trip. Who do I complain to? Do I have to come to Cleveland to sign up as a test subject? I'll continue to pass on the guidelines though, since in my experience it was much more fun to drop and go out in the world to see what was happening.

pissed off patricia said...

Mr. Pop would pray to the lord to have you smited or smoten for that picture of his Bucs getting smashed.

Randal Graves said...

stella, who's your rep? And I think okjimm was the basis for the Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test.

fran, that's why I chose it. The darkness hides many flaws. And who knows, I might even be in that picture!

JNRR, I'm just waiting for a few earthquakes and nukyular bombs to drop so Ohio becomes beachfront property. Then I'll be cleaning up!

utah, all you chicks complain about the lack o' hunk here, but with all the sporting posts, I think you should be happy! Plus, who's the archetype of manly, but Commander Codpiece?

FOT, you don't find that comical?

susan, if the study was taking place here, do you think I'd tell you guys, and give up all those magic shrooms?

POP, tell Mr. POP to enjoy the Super Bowl trophy, dammit.

Stella said...

I've got House Bulldog, Henry Waxman. He's scares the hell out of rethuglicans, but sometimes a little hawkish about war for my taste. Overall, really good guy.

Not sure if okjimm was related to the Electric Kool Aid Acid Test. I did a quick look round the web, but didn't find anything. Hmmm... I hate it when that happens. If so, shame on me: I'm listening to Jefferson Airplane.

Anonymous said...

Randal - been to Cleveland. Rained the whole day I was there. I could swear I tasted salt in the raindrops..or were those tears?

Was it me or was the Indians GM's excuse for trading Sabathia the lamest statement you ever heard?

Randal Graves said...

stella, well, Waxman is certainly high on the 'Democrats who don't want to make us dry heave all the time' list.

Maybe okjimm is Wolfe in disguise!

spartacus, tears? Just wait until LeBron signs his contract with the Brooklyn Nets in a couple of years.

Hey, maybe Fausto will come back healthy next year and win 24 and the new guy will slug 30 homers. Ha.