Let's clear something up before we go any further: contrary to popular opinion, no, the single suit I own isn't as hideous as this Karl Malone original. I'm a snappy dresser.
Clever post title, huh. For the first time in aeons, we actually have a first round draft pick, the nineteenth. Yes, I'm conveniently ignoring the Shannon Brown bust of 2006.
To give us a rough idea of the quality available near the final third of the first round, here are some worthy -- or at least serviceable -- players chosen at #19 or below during the LBJ era:
2007, no Cavs first round pick: Jared Dudley, Carl Landry, Glen Davis.
2006: Rajon Rondo (how's he doing?), Josh Boone, Kyle Lowry, Jordan Farmar, Sergio Rodriguez, Paul Millsap. The aforementioned Shannon Brown was nabbed at #25. We did find Boobie Gibson in the second round, so it wasn't a complete washout.
2005, no Cavs first round pick: Hakim Warrick, Nate Robinson, Jason Maxiell, Linas Kleiza, David Lee, Brandon Bass, Monta Ellis (ouch), Andray Blatche, Ryan Gomes.
2004, no Cavs first round pick: Jameer Nelson, Delonte West, Kevin Martin (ouch again), Beno Udrih, Anderson Varejao.
2003: Boris Diaw, Travis Outlaw, Kendrick Perkins, Leandro Barbosa. We drafted some dude who moves a lot of sweatshop product.
I have no idea who we'll choose. It's possible that shooting guards Chris Douglas-Roberts of Memphis and Courtney Lee of Western Kentucky will still be on the board. As for point guards, I wouldn't mind us taking Mario Chalmers of Kansas, but the problem with all of these guys is that none are ready to log copious amounts of NBA starter minutes for a team that's honestly only one All-Star calibre player from a championship.
Or we can draft the guy with the wackiest hair.
Hell, just trade the damn pick, but you won't be getting a top-flight point guard or wing guy in return, even if we spice up the offer with some of our bench dudes. Remember, Isaiah T. Coyote, Super Genius isn't around anymore. I still believe Boobie Gibson can give us quality time at the 2, but a full-fledged point guard has remained absent from the roster since the days of Andre Miller. Who we once traded along with some clown for some other clowns and one über-clown of legendary status, Darius Miles.
Hang on a sec, I have to go throw up.
I'm back. We can play defense with the best of them (just ask the last two NBA champions about that) but we score about as often as
a Republican congressman a eunuch I do after pissing off my wife.
Since we still owe Ben Wallace Halliburton-type cash, I wouldn't be surprised if they try and exchange Sideshow Bob (perhaps with the pick) for anything resembling a shooter -- please, take Wally World while you're at it, trading partner to be named later. I'd hate to lose such a valuable role player in Anderson, but GM Danny Ferry knows what he'll never say publicly: the championship window has two years remaining. For you, I, everyone's grandmother, her cat, Uncle Rory, the plumber, the butcher and the baker (but not the candlestick maker, he doesn't follow hoops) recognizes that LeBron is going to exercise his player option, become a free agent, and get out of Northeast Ohio as we then descend into that circle of Hell only spoken about in hushed tones, Perpetual Lottery Land.
Maybe we can kidnap Michael Redd and brainwash him to tear up his contract with the Bucks and sign with us for the midlevel exception.
Hey, it could happen.
Flights of fancy. That's sporting life in Cleveland. We wouldn't have it any other way. It's nice having a built-in excuse for heavy drinking, believe me.
I completely -- subconsciously purposely -- forgot all about our 2004 first round pick, Luke "I can't even cut it in Europe" Jackson. My apologies to no one.