Saturday, June 21, 2008

The Fuckin' A State














In my last post, I ragged on the dumbassery of my home state, this swingin' pad, hep cats. Wait, that was too McCain-y and I'm not that old. Anyway, not to say we didn't deserve such a blow to our diminishing pride -- we did help deliver Bush -- twice! -- but there have been times in the past when we've risen above such suffering all-too-common within the human condition to be trailblazers in American society.












For example, when the sporting world still thought that no one could top the laughable -- I remember it now! -- play of the 1876 Cincinnati Reds, who, in the National League's inaugural season, won their games at a robust .138 clip, along came Spiders; the 1899 Cleveland Spiders, to be exact, flaunting a record of 20-134. That's .130. One. Three. Zero. Beat that. Even the exploits of legendary outfielder Sport McAllister weren't enough to stem the tide of diamond disaster, and with a nickname like Sport, you just know he tried his gosh darn best.












Cleveland also boasts of the first black mayor of a major American city, Carl Stokes. That's Carl on our left, flanked by Nazi-smashing track legend and Ohio State alumnus, Jesse Owens.



















Along side that accomplishment, Springfield, Ohio claims the first black mayor of any American city in Robert C. Henry. Though Mr. Henry was born on July 16, the previous gentleman made his initial appearance on this day.

Other famous folks hatched on June 21 were witch burning fanatic and Republican Party operative, Increase Mather; a composing son, one of many, of an extra-famous composer dad, Johann Christoph Friedrich Bach; existentialist guru and dirty Frenchman, Jean-Paul Sartre --

"I read one of his books, about strangers!"
"That was Albert Camus, sir."
"That's right, Cam-uss. I knew a guy who used to have a Camaro. It was bitchin'. Like Pickles. Don't run me over, babe, heh, heh."

-- and, most important of all, rock god Kip Winger.

What is the Ohio connection of these final four? Whatever you wish it to be, mes amis. That's the magic of the internets! Write whatever you want, and somewhere, someone will believe it to be true!


















Now if you will all kindly excuse me, I have to go and don the purple, grab my sword, and put down some very naughty insurrectionists. Begone, peasants.

23 comments:

DCup said...

And all I can think about is how people from Ohio hog the left lane on the expressway.....;-)

Mary Ellen said...

Ah! JP Sartre...ya gotta love the dirty old Frenchmen.

Here ya go.

okjimm said...

c'mon...Ohio has all sorts of neat attributes....for one, it's easy to spell....for two....it's not Illinois

tom said...

The 1899 Spiders are an interesting case. The owners also owned a club in St. Louis, and right before the season began they moved all the good players -- including one Cyrus Denton Young -- to that team, leaving the Spiders with the dregs.

If nothing else, it led to rules against dual-ownership.

Randal Graves said...

dcup, I can't help it if our tractors are slow!

ME, heh heh. I haven't seen Python in ages. I really need to start paying attention to BBC America more.

ojkimm, zing! ME is going to fuck you up for that comment.

tom, it's funny to compare the rosters from 1898 and 1899. There wasn't anyone good left.

Tengrain said...

Didn't Chrissie Hinde sing a song about Ohio once? You got that goin' for you.

Regards,

Tengrain

Utah Savage said...

Usually I read your sports posts, but don't pay close attention, because, well, it's sports. But this is so much more than sports. This was some damn interesting history or fiction, whatever.

Westcoast Walker said...

You also have the rock n' roll hall of fame, which easily counteracts the bad karma from the Drew Carey associations.

Dr. Zaius said...

Much has been ballyhooed about President Bush reading "The Stranger" by Albert Camus, but I don't think anybody has pointed out the obvious connection regarding this. The Stranger" is a story about a man who got in trouble for killing an Arab, and didn't really care one way or the other about the Arab or anything else in his life.

It sounds like the perfect book for this President to have read.

"Albert Camus won the Nobel Prize for his novel The Stranger, which says, in effect, that life is meaningless. But that novel's dust jacket carried a paragraph reporting that Camus died in a car wreck in 1960. It should have added, 'Not that it matters.'" Dexter Madison

Poo poo on you, Albert Camus.

DivaJood said...

I thought Harold Washington was the first Black Mayor. Oh, wait. He was the first Black Mayor of a real city, Chicago.

But Ohio does have the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.

susan said...

Je suis tres desole! I know little about Ohio except that at least one very cool person lives there. I do remember we drove through part of it once on our way from the east coast to the west but I was mostly just counting miles.

American Hill BIlly said...

Randal,
I don't have a sword, but I have a really nice machette!! Can I join in your insurrection? Oh, wait that's illegal???? Dilemma's??? I wanna do it anyways!

Dr. Zaius,

We all know that "The Idiot In Chief" cannot read! He either had the book on tape, or had Condi read it to him.............All though I don't think he has an attention span for anything, but Iranian Oil!!!LOL

Peace and Freedom

American Hill BIlly said...

Ah,

My latest post isn't a joke. I've put my ass on the line. I've been calling different countries embassies to see if they would represent a private person(me)in The World Court! Of course, because of the dry run attack that drove oil prices way up again. The Pen is Mightier than the sword. Maybe we bloggers can get a lawsuit ideology on this dry run crap; before are children, and pets are glowing at night!

Peace and Freedom

Angie said...

Nice pic of script Ohio. I've got to take my kids to see it in real time one of these years. It was a pivotal experience for me as a youngster.

Spartacus said...

Randal, Ohio is an awesome state. In fact, go East of Cleveland about 40 or so miles to Sandusky (I think it's that far...) and you'll find the Swankiest Joint in Town. It's just outside of Cedar Point Park. Fun stuff. Oh yeah...visiting Cleveland was pretty cool, too, even if it was during last August's deluge.

okjimm said...

East of Cleveland??? Isn't that a Steinbeck novel? About a poor family of sharecroppers driven from their home by drought, economic hardship, and they spend the whole book in search of land, jobs, and dignity and a real football team they can be proud of?

East of Cleveland...I got the right book, huh?

Beach Bum said...

we did help deliver Bush -- twice!

At least I know there was some debate in your state. The greater mass of braindead lemmings in South Carolina merrily walked into the voting booth and off the cliff smiling.

Randal Graves said...

tengrain, that's true, we do.

utah, so what you're saying is bring on the sports? I just want to be clear.

WW, I like the idea of a Rock and Roll Museum, but save the Halls of Fame for quantifiable things.

dr. zaius, you're assuming that he actually read it. I'm sure there's a hint of the dog whistle buried in there, but in all honesty, I do not think Bush has read much of anything. Sure, I have no proof, but hey, they don't need proof to imprison someone indefinitely. ;-)

diva, I hope your 'real' city enjoys watching the Cubs rip your heart out and stomp on it once more.

susan, most of Ohio, topographically speaking, is kind of boring, but that could be applied to a lot of states. I remember driving to DC with the family when I was younger and it was easy to get the impression that the entire nation was one vast field of corn.

AHB, just think though: with a healthy radioactive glow, we won't need to burn fossil fuels for electric lighting! Bring on the nukyular war!

angie, that's definitely one thing I'd still like to do, see an Ohio State game somewhere other than the teevee.

spartacus, is there a sign outside that says Swankiest Joint In Town? Because that would be pretty groovy. Catawba (between Sandusky and Port Clinton) isn't bad because the beaches, for the most part, aren't that crowded. At least they didn't used to be, but with development and all that.

okjimm, 10-6 last year, or didn't you read The Pigskins of Wrath?

BB, some debate, a little theft. What's your feel in SC this time about?

dguzman said...

You might've been able to pull this one off if you'd capped it with Chrissie Hynde "My City Was Gone," but instead you shot yourself in the balls with KIP FUCKING WINGER.

Holy shit.

DivaJood said...

Randal, now, now, let's not be touchy. I mean, just because Chicago has the best team in baseball with the Cubs, does not mean we can't all get along.

Oh, damn. I am channelling Rodney King again.

And you DO have the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. It does count.

Randal Graves said...

dguzman, you didn't think it was funny that the phrase 'rock god' appeared in the same sentence as 'Kip Winger'? I'm hurt.

diva, best regular season team. You and I both know Zambrano will have a meltdown after giving up back-to-back homers to Utley and Howard in October.

Spartacus said...

RG - I kid you not...Swankiest Joint In Town about quarter mile West of the entrance to Cedar Point Park on Route 6. BTW..I erred in saying that Sandusky is East of Cleveland. It's West....

Here's the link --

http://www.flickr.com/photos/spartacus63/2608220436/

NWJR said...

The only good thing about Ohio is Cedar Point. Michigan should annex the whole damn state just to get it, and firebomb the rest.