Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Fetuses and spice, and everything nice, that's what little fruitcakes are made of

If you embiggen, you can almost make out the pieces of Constitution and pureed unborn babies. Yum!

As Barack Obama broadens his outreach to evangelical voters, one of the movement's biggest names, James Dobson, accuses the likely Democratic presidential nominee of distorting the Bible and pushing a "fruitcake interpretation" of the Constitution.
Have you ever tried making fruitcake with the Constitution? I'm certainly in favor of getting my share of roughage -- who doesn't like to be regular? -- but this is ridiculous. The Democratic Senator from Illinois agrees with me, and sent a cuddly warning shot at the fundie loon:
"Folks haven't been reading their Bibles," Obama said.
Oh, if only that were the case, Senator. I pray for the day.

As for Fetish Boy himself, after grumbling some mumbo-jumbo about right and proper interpretation of a bunch of creaky old shit that fuckers hadn't right and properly interpreted when the creaky old shit was creaky new shit:
"Am I required in a democracy to conform my efforts in the political arena to his bloody notion of what is right with regard to the lives of tiny babies?" Dobson said. "What he's trying to say here is unless everybody agrees, we have no right to fight for what we believe."
Bloody 'ell, what a bleedin' ponce. Oh, Super Atheist Candidate, where are you?

Wait. We're not number one anymore? Xenu, baby!


Unconventional Conventionist said...

You know Focus on the Family's campus is exactly 59 miles from my house.

Come on over Randall and we'll drive down there and put a bunch of Darwin stickers on the cars in their parking lot.

Swinebread said...

Those wackos had there chance and they made everybody's life worse in the US...

It's all about greed and power anyway

david santos said...

Very nice posting.
I love it!
Happy day

Je ne regrette rien said...

I hate it when fucking wackos pull the tiny baby card. even more than fruitcake.

susan said...

On my last trip to the BIG bookstore I think I finally found copies of the bible the wingnuts read - it was a signed edition by Jezus H. Keerist about 10 pages long with stick figure drawings and 'THOU SHALT NOT:'written all over the place. I always wondered where that shit came from.

Randal Graves said...

UC, oh hell, a road trip for that might almost be worth it! I hope you have enough duct tape for your windows to keep out their toxic fumes.

swinebread, drives as powerful as hunger, that's for sure.

JNNR, and fruitcake is nasty enough.

susan, that about sums up the depth of their thinking and their artistry. And wingnuts, don't bring up Bach as a shining example of your Jesusery, he was gettin' busy with the maids in the church basement.

Dean Wormer said...

You and fran are on the same fruitcake wavelength with Dobson.


Tom Harper said...

James Dobson is right. The Bible has been twisted and perverted by pinko liberals trying to push their evil agenda. The Bible never said nothin' about heppin' no poor people. All it says is that if you're a homosexual, God will strike you dead; and ditto for abortion. That's all it says.

Anonymous said...

Every time religion and politics are discussed in the same conversation, I want to hit something really, really hard.

It's totally counterproductive to any political discussion to drag in how a politician "uses" his/her religion.

okjimm said...

//a "fruitcake interpretation" of the Constitution.//

hmmmmmm.......might be good. Fruitcake lasts along time. I think I still have one from 1776 around somewhere.

Sure beats alla fruitcake interpretations of the bible.....which seems to be the kinda book only a fruit-cake can interpret.

I wanna fruitcake interpretation of Sports Illustrated.....the one that defines Hockey as a sport.

Randal Graves said...

dean, we love our fruitcake. It's delicious!

tom, praise be unto thee for seeing through the blackest veils of those minions of Satan, lie-berals.

dcup, I feel the same way, but hitting inanimate objects might lead to broken bones and, thus, another bill. My suggestion? Eat some disgusting fruitcake - but I repeat myself - then toss some cookies on someone you hate.

okjimm, when the colonists ran out of fired brick, that's what they used to finish constructing their buildings.

That's it, Canada hater. When I buy the next round, you aren't getting any.

PoliShifter said...

I never thought I would say this but that fruit cake looks pretty damn good.

Mary Ellen said...

Hey, I like fruitcake! Are you dissing fruitcake???? WTH? Ok,it's not chocolate with chocolate fudge frosting, but it's still delicious, especially if you put some rum in it.

Sheesh...what will you be railing about next? Pope Cake?

Randal Graves said...

poli, really? Get to a doctor, quick! You'd have to pay me some serious cash to eat that crap.

ME, yes, I'm dissing fruitcake! I'd need to down an entire bottle of rum before attempting to swallow some of that!

I hate Pope Cake! They never include a Pope Hat when you buy one, and those fuckers are expensive separately!

Utah Savage said...

Pope Cake! I wants me some. I think I saw a recipe somewhere on Tweety's show. Brother Barnicle and Tweety were waxing lyrical about the nuns and what a bunch a harsh bitches they were but they baked them some mean Pope Cake.

Randal you have the most swank and manly beautiful site in the sphere. Metrosexual doesn't do it justice. Despite the cartoon of you I bet you look just like Henry Fonda when he was young and handsome, before marriage and young Jane turned him bitter and old... Did you ever see On Golden Pond? That's how I see you and your lovely bride in about fifty years.

Or you could be bitter and alone like me.

DivaJood said...

There is still time for me to enter the race for President. I could be the first Diva President, and then everyone could worship at the Church of the Flying Spagetti Monster, or something. I would never make fruitcake from the Constitution, which has already been nicely shredded and made into Toilet Paper Rolls. I might consider making muffins from the Constitution, because I think that all that parchment might provide fiber.

Who wants to manage the campaign?

American Hill BIlly said...

I don't know where any of these wackos come from. We have "The Bill of Rights". These arguements are corporate created, and at different levels paid for. Idiots pick up the arguement from there for free to be part of "something" bigger. The whole while we are being hood winked, robbed, and enslaved!! Something else to the idiot followers, It is the individual woman's body what parasite she lets grow inside her!! Not my choice, not anyone's, but the woman!

Peace and Freedom

Mary Ellen said...

Despite the cartoon of you I bet you look just like Henry Fonda when he was young and handsome, before marriage and young Jane turned him bitter and old... Did you ever see On Golden Pond? That's how I see you and your lovely bride in about fifty years.

I'm sorry, but I couldn't help but laugh at this...Randal, a bitter, mean old man, sitting in his rocking chair watching the loons on the pond. LOL!

Freida Bee said...

I like to wrap fruitcakes in pages from the bible. It makes the fruitcake holy. I think Mr. Dobson is just a little sore that he hasn't received one of my re-gifts. I'll get right on that.

Angie said...

Tired of the fundies (nothing new there), fruitcake has always made me feel suspicious and I'm working on my covert political agenda as we speak, but man, I love that video! It hit me during some serious formative years. I know my mom regretted cable in the house once MTV launched itself upon my unsuspecting teenage soul.

I'm tired of all the YouTube stuff that's been disabled. What the heck? At least we can link to it...

pissed off patricia said...

I bet he wanted to say devil's food cake.

Randal Graves said...

utah, I'm sure they stole the recipe from that maven of domesticity, Cindy The Robot.

Aren't metrosexuals, by definition, well-groomed and attractive men? I've got t-shirts and half the time I don't shave. Young Henry I'm not, believe me. But I've still got the bitter.

diva, will they be blueberry muffins? If so, you have my vote!

AHB, you better stop using logic and fact to back up your arguments. Be like Dobson! Wacky theories that benefit only the very few is the way to go!

ME, you kids get off my pond! Next duck that lands there, I'm keeping it!

FB, does that holy trick also work with ties and other crappy gifts?

angie, luckily, I haven't noticed them going after live stuff of a non-official bent. Yet. Trust me, if a fan digs a band, he or she will support them by spending oodles of cash on their junk.

POP, "Devil's food cake is dark, just saying."

- Jimmy D.

Anita said...

i've been accused of being a fruitcake. or fruity. or, as my brother says, you are so "fruit of the loom."

also, it's been said i'm crazy as a loon, which has no relation, of course, to fruitcake.

just thought i'd mention that.

Randal Graves said...

If one was to be technical, wouldn't that be akin to being called underwear?

And the question I want to know is, do loons like fruitcake? Everyone knows that herons do.

Anita said...

"do loons like fruitcake?"

wouldn't that be, like, canibalism???

Dr. Zaius said...

What about Ralph Nader? He is an atheist, I think.

Dr. Zaius said...

Anyway, what are you complaining about. Democrats are godless heathens, at least!

Randal Graves said...

anita, only if loons eat loons. Otherwise, we'd be saying that fruitcake....is....alive! Run for the hills!

dr. zaius, re: Ralph, Super Atheist, not Stupor Atheist. And godless heathens worship Marduk and Zeus and all those bolt throwing sky mountain types! I wouldn't want to get hit by lightning!

Stella said...

Embigen? Why, randal, how Simpsoneque.

Randal Graves said...

It's a perfectly cromulent word!