Sunday, July 27, 2008

Le football américain*














Look here fine francophiles, rednecks, capitalist pigs, commie pinkos, straight arrows, homersexuals, fence sitters, switch hitters, relief pitchers, Catholics, jihadists, bilinguists, nolinguists, prudes, hedonists, teetotalers, drunks, democratic republicans, republican democrats, Whigs, bomb-throwing anarchists, mellow peaceniks, angry ranters with throbbing veins about to pop, and anyone else vaguely interested in The Church of the Ellipsoid Orb, I'm thinking it would behoove us to travel down yet one more avenue of opportunity for slacking at work and avoiding family responsibility; in short, of sticking it to The Man, both foreign and domestic: fantasy football!














No cash involved, obviously, since we're living under a Bush economy, so I've set up a free league for us blogging types through Yahoo, and with training camps underway, we've no time to lose! Send me an email if interested, and I'll give you the league ID# and password. I'd like at least ten suckers -- which means there will probably be three of us. Yes, I have Carson Palmer, Adrian Peterson, Brian Westbrook, Randy Moss and Reggie Wayne. Why do you ask? Then we'll see whose team can avoid a devastating ACL tear by their starting quarterback in week two kick as much ass as John McCain does during a speech.

No weirdos, though. This means you.

*This product meant for novelty purposes only. All models verified over 18 years of age. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Keep away from open flames. Keep out of reach of children. Product may contain nuts. This unit not labeled for individual sale.

24 comments:

Distributorcap said...

yikes sports.... and i was expecting in flames, at the gate or entombed

or maybe carcass.

or at least ann-margret singing bye bye bushie.

Freida Bee said...

I'm almost jealous that I cannot even fantasize about football, 'cause I know you'll attract some a them aforementioned types, but I don't even know what fantasy football is. Is it like Dungeouns and Dragons, involving dice?

Je ne regrette rien said...

I speet on zee Americaine futbol! In Frahnce, vee have zee adorabluh world futbol and zere are no fantasies only zee real thing like punches to zee gut and le stade stampeeds!!!! Vive le futbol!!! Vive la Frahnce!!!!! *hums Je Ne Regrette Rien LOUDLY*

DivaJood said...

Does this have anything to do with Baseball?

The Cunning Runt said...

Well I was all "Hyeah!" 'till you went and disqualified me right at the end there, and now I ain't playin' no matter how hard you beg me.

Besides, if this is somehow connected with sports, I don't know shit from Shine-ola.

Utah Savage said...

You're just jealous Randal, because we women are excluding you XY types from our secret obsession. And while we're planning how to knock you types off, you'll be fantasizing about... what was it, baseball, football? Something to do with balls, right? He he he. Cough cough.

susan said...

Since I don't know a touchdown from a hole-in-the-ground there's no way I'm volunteering. Besides, I was disqualified too.. but go for it all you manly menschly men.

Bradda said...

Hey Randal I want in but my compy won't let me email you for some dumbass reason. Please come to IE and shoot me an email with league info! Unless your scared of jmy fantasy football skills, heh. Live draft or autopick?

Scarlet W. Blue said...

I don't have anything to say about fantasy football since it's not my idea of a decent fantasy (can you see Christian Bale naked at a fantasy football game? I didn't think so).

But I did comment on your comment about my comments below.

68.

Jen Clark said...

How are you picking teams? Live draft or what?

Randal Graves said...

dcap, closet metalhead or user of The Google®? ;-)

FB, I-Formations and Interceptions? All natural 20s are 80-yard bombs. Hmm, maybe I can market this and make ten or twenty bucks.

JNRR, hey Zidane, try headbutting a helmeted head!

diva, there IS fantasy baseball. We should do a league next year. I'm going to try and draft all Cubs. Wouldn't that be funny?

TCR, figures I'd get all the 'sports? huh?' folks commenting on this. ;-)

utah, completely irrelevant for two reasons:

1)I have no problem with some jackass XY types getting horribly axe murdered

2)ladies are more than welcome to join this league. So, ha!

Hey, careful with that axe.

susan, I'm sorry, but we don't want something important like this ruined with weirdos. That's why I, a staunch normal, am running it.

bradda, will do! Bring it on, chump. ;-) Um, I was hoping for a live draft on a future Saturday, just depends on if most can show up for it.

SWB, I could say it, but it really wouldn't get me hot and bothered.

We're going to riot like it's '68?

jen, see comment to bradda. The draft itself would probably be closer to the start of the season just in case anyone gets injured during the league-mandated cash robberies known as preseason games.

pissed off patricia said...

My football fantasy is every season as I dream of Dallas having a kick ass team instead of getting their asses kicked.

okjimm said...

Hey, I would be in.....I have no idea how 'fantasy leagues' work.....give directions. Bubba said he would help me out.

Dean Wormer said...

Okeydoke.

I'd like to play but you have to promise me I get Joey Harrington as a backup Q.B.

Mary Ellen said...

Oh fuck...I was already to join up until you said "no weirdos".

DivaJood said...

Baseball is a fantasy? Oh.my.god. What will I do NOW?

Bradda said...

I'm taking OJ with my first pick! Then Ricky Williams...

enigma4ever said...

you gonna watch football..the Browns with no paninis- that is just wrong....I see you sitting on that sofa...

and where do they sell DUff Beer...


about your post- I confess- I have tried three different glasses and I can 't read it....is it me? am I going blind?

Randal Graves said...

POP, I dream of one lousy title for the Browns. Then, meteor/nuclear war/viral apocalypse, bring it on.

okjimm, oh shit, he's not some damn ringer, is he?

dean, consider it done. Because, you know, no one else will draft him.

ME, nuns are always exempted.

diva, indulge in that fantasy. Like the Cubs not choking in the postseason!

bradda, um, OJ doesn't have time to play! He's busy looking for the real killers.

enigma, I usually sit until they fuck up. Then I stand, lobbing obscenities at the teevee.

Like we want anyone reading the fine print.

Spartacus said...

Randal - count me in, too. I'll shoot you an e-mail later today. But I just want you to know that my I have a few assistant GMs working my table. My sons do the fantasy league stuff with their friends all the time.

Agi said...

Fantasy football requires too much thought for me. I prefer to watch and drink beer.

Randal Graves said...

spartacus, got it. We're up to three!

agi, dammit, and I was going to ask you, too. If I'm desperate for one more team, I might anyway and bribe you with some beer.

Dr. Zaius said...

Football? **Hrumph**

Dusty said...

Is there still room in your FF league? I have a yahoo league up too if you or any of your readers are interested in playing as well. I will put the info on my sports blog.

As for joining yours..I don't have your email addy..does that mean I am not part of the clique? sigh..

I beat the shit out of a bunch of leftwingers last season in a Fox league..not bragging, just stating a fact jack. ;p