Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Key to the (Information Super)Highway*

"There once was a man named enis."
In cthulhu america?
"Chin up buckaroo scooby."
I'm a negative person.
"May I have ten thousand marbles please?"
"Anyone claim to die go to hell and come back to talk about it?"
Jar hitler.
"I drink too much German beer as it is, I ain't drinking German brains fermented in the pit. How much cod liver oil should I drink?"
What is this, twenty questions? Youporn cannibal women eating women.
"Sick bastard, you won't get rid of me that easily."
But that phrase is almost perfect.
"How to relieve ennui."
Are you threatening me?
"Burt Lancaster naked."
What the fuck.
"+18 fuck."
As long as it's not Burt Lancaster.
"30 plus hot pants babes."
Now that's more my gender and age bracket.
"Hot strippers in front of the camera."
They're strippers, too?
"Randall the redoubtable!"
"What does a giant cockroach eat?"
Jesus art president soldier lawyer cthulhu.
"Alright, smartass, whats french for love is for suckers?"
Le mariage.
"Comical. How to get off with doppelgangers?"
Are they 30 plus hot pants babe strippers?
"Yawn. Reasons to tip your waitress."
She's wearing hot pants.
"One track mind."
Laura Prepon nude.
"I stand corrected."
Ennui is wasted on the young.
"Going existential?"
Ingo ist mein freund.
"Sartre wasn't Teutonic, genius."
French smut for dummies.
"Now we're talking. How do you say 'that's some good shit' in italien?"
Scrambled eggs magic the gathering.
Eat your brains my feet.
"Stop it."
L'ennui nude.
"I'll fucking kill you."
Ennui fuck scene.
"You really sick bastard. Now who's threatening whom."
History of kajikistan.
"I'll take being boiled alive for $500, Alex."
That's Uzbekistan.
"As long as I don't have to see you in your birthday suit."
Funny, my wife says the same thing.

*all phrases in italics are actual keywords that drug-addled and/or chemically-imbalanced insomniac lunatic hermits used to find their way here.


Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

I know what you do when you are waiting for the bus.



Holte Ender said...

The "Robbo" album, Lemmy was at his best in those years.

Why do you hate Burt Lancaster?

sunshine said...

Hmmm not sure about "that's some good shit" but I do know some swear words!

Che Cazzo (keh cat-soh_) "What a dick"

Porca Puttana~ Dirty slut

Che Stronzo~ what an asshole

Aren't you all happy I left one of my intelligent comments again today? :P

Now.. what the hell was this post all about anyhow? :)


sunshine said...

P.S. I'm not sure why but, I've always had a bit of a ahem...*thing* for Lemmy.
He's so dirty looking. ;P

Liberality said...

This post went completely over my head ;~)

Randal Graves said...

tengrain, c'mon, I'd never wear those color pants when moonwalking.

holte, completely unoriginal, I know, but I'm partial to the Fast Eddie Clarke years, but Another Perfect Day is highly underrated.

Fine actor, just not interested in seeing his plumbing.

sunshine, I'm not qualified to judge intelligence of commentary, but a very useful one, now I can start swearing in eye-talian!

Lemmy? Pretty scummy rock chick-esque for a Canuck babe. ;-)

Randal Graves said...

liberality, blame the weirdos on the internets!

Demeur said...

Sounds like you've been reading that phrase book from the Monty Python sketch. This is a tobacconist shop damn it! Is your wife a goer then?... nudge nudge wink wink know what I mean know what I mean.

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

It's not the pants that gives it away, its the cut offs, the smoking, but mostly the striped calf socks.

Dude, you are so busted.



Randal Graves said...

demeur, I'm a blogger and I'm okay, I sleep all night and I surf all day!

tengrain, YouTube is not my photographer
She's just a site who claims that I am the moonwalker
But the footage is not my own
She says I am the moonwalker, but the footage is not my own

Joss said...

Contrary to Liberality, that was the first Randal post I've understood in quite some time.

In honour I shall now go and google jesuit poops in tray needs pubescent hackie sack

okjimm said...

//all phrases in italics are actual keywords that drug-addled and/or chemically-imbalanced insomniac lunatic hermits used to find their way here.//

Boy....I can't remember how I gotz here the first time.... I think it was one of those nights I couldn't sleep after doing too much drugs and booze.

Tom Harper said...

Damn, am I hip or what? Now I know TWO songs by Motorhead. Yeah!!!

There was a Rolling Stone article about them a few months ago, and Lemmy was complaining about all the people who only know "Ace of Spades." And I thought "oh good, it isn't just me."

Utah Savage said...

Well, it's been awhile since I stopped by, and now I wonder if I ever understood a word you said unless you were writing romantic poetry. Randal. You bastard. You've become incomprehensible. Congratulations.

Christopher said...

I got nothing.

Sometimes I think I need to take a course in Randal Graves as a Second Language to follow your prose.

Or, Randal Graves for Dummies.

Hill said...

What Christopher said...

Nonetheless, enjoyed it.


Ricky Shambles said...

So f'ing tasty, I read it twice after I hit the astericks [sic].

As a web developer in real life, I love perusing analytics to see how people are finding my blog. It's about time to do it again, but it's probably still mainly on the RPG elf porn and "Glenn Beck Douchebag" for me. Seriously.

MRMacrum said...

What I is
Is not what I isn't
What I could be
is what I shouldn't
And I'm glad I didn't
Try cuz I couldn't
See what Randal doesn't

And that's how's I sees it

Tengrain said...

Christopher - the secret is to never read the post by that swine, Graves, read the responses.

It's all so dada.



Cormac Brown said...


Stronzo, technically is una pezza de merda, or a "piece of shit." Or as my ex-girlfriend said, una pezza de merda, cosi, cosi, streta, or "a piece of shit, this way, this way, thin.

Porca is what it sounds like, "pork." It is an all purpose cuss word that you just add to every word.

Porco cane, "pig dog" which can be used in lieu of s.o.b.

Porco dio, "pig god" which is used often as we would use "Goddamn."

"How do you say 'that's some good shit' in italien?"

Questa e' merda buona, but it wouldn't mean the same, idiomatically speaking.

S.W. Anderson said...

I suspect this post is attributable to our host plugging a Magic Jack into a very wrong outlet. Or maybe a wet toe got into a hot socket . . ?

Beach Bum said...

I'm firmly in the same camp as Utah, Chris, and Hill.

S.W. Anderson said...

No, wait, here is what's responsible for this post.

okjimm said...

Ya, what Christoper said about what Randal says amplified by what Tengrain and Hill said about what Christopher said about what Randal says....of course, I would also say what Liberality said about what Randal says..... and that's all I gotz to say.

sunshine said...

Cormac~ I don't speak "true" Italian... I speak the old Sicilian dialect which really isn't even a language anymore. Lot's and lot's of slang.
The phrases I gave are just what my family used ... every region has it's own thing.. just like here in North America different words can mean different things.
Although technically YOU are correct. :)

Dr. Zaius said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr. Zaius said...

As Google has determined that you are the source for this particular bit of information, what DO giant cockroaches eat?

Randal Graves said...

All we read is internets ga ga
Internets goo goo
Internets ga ga
All we read is internets ga ga
Internets blah blah
Internets, what's new?
Internets, someone still hates you!

dr. zaius, like giant ants, humans, I presume, though all that cholesterol can't be good for them. At least they get a lot of exercise.

darkblack said...

Nice vid of the Robbo moment in M'Head history - that was right after Lem got his teeth fixed (and not for the first time).

I was so chuffed when Another Perfect Day came out - At last after 4 years, a Motorhead album I could take around to the other musos and say "See? They can so fucking play, ya snobs!"
I knew it was true love when a girl bought me the I Got Mine EP but I let it slip away, foolish youth.


Freida Bee, MD said...

I'll take being boiled alive for $500, Randal.

In my search terms, I've got yer straight jacket, plus you don't want to know all the sick things interpervs want to do to housewives. It'll make you scared to go to work.

This was a fine poem, too.