Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The Tenth Circle, A Play In One-Half Act

Agent Stockholm, intrepid government lackey
Syndrome, noted archfiend

Interior, SYNDROME's Fortress of Black, Naughty Evil.
The villain has trapped AGENT STOCKHOLM in his Apparatus of Apparent Apparel.

AGENT STOCKHOLM: "Do you expect me to talk?"

SYNDROME: "No, my dear agent, I expect you to watch!"

The first grisly image appears in hi-def.

AGENT STOCKHOLM: "That's it? About as frightening as my string of ex-wives. Nice picture quality though, old chap."

Ever classy, SYNDROME nods his appreciation.

AGENT STOCKHOLM: "However, I heard that you were a supervillain. That's not even a cat you're stroking."

SYNDROME: "No, but it is the flesh of the last one to cross me!"

AGENT STOCKHOLM: "Yawn. Try again, nefarious ne'er-do-well."

SYNDROME: "You'd be well advised to watch your tongue. I might make it into a sandwich."

The second grisly image appears in hi-def.

AGENT STOCKHOLM: "Amateur. Is that the sickest you've got?"

SYNDROME: "Methinks your brazen tone will go best braised --

dramatic pause accompanied by an off-stage organ riff

-- if you survive the final horror."

The third, and final, grisly image appears in hi-def.

AGENT STOCKHOLM: "NOOOOOOO! You bastarrrr......."


SYNDROME: "Muahahahahaha. Time for dinner."

SYNDROME rubs his hands together like all supervillains do after having taken a squeeze of anti-bacterial. An undercooked Big Mac is nothing to trifle with.



Holte Ender said...

Your play was just another way for you to express how the old Browns blanked the new Browns. I blame Kathy Fritz.

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

The first post in many moons that I understand, and then it ends with a football joke?

You Bastard!



Übermilf said...

I liked this one because the bad guy wins.

Mary Ellen said...

Interior, SYNDROME's Fortress of Black, Naughty Evil.

You racist! ;-)

Ahh...torture and sports, they go so well together.

Randal Graves said...

holte, I suppose it could be a case of faulty uniforms, but my money is on the combination of sucking, sucking even more, and sucking vast gobs of suck.

tengrain, once again, I emerge victorious! Unlike the Browns.

übermilf, all the best tales end with evil winning. Just look at major league baseball.

nunly, look at his tux, so you know he's really bad. Speaking of bad, I think Cutler just threw another pick.

Mary Ellen said...

Cutler is the least of our problems... we have a weak and crappy offensive line, lousy wide receivers, and Cutler needs to start using his head and realizing that a quarterback is only as good as his team lets him be...and the Bears suck and are making him look like an amateur.

sunshine said...

Haha! Very funny.
Now.. I think I need to go get a Big Mac! Yummy!!!

P.S. Is it life or death that I get the Swedish version 12 track Katatonia album? Cause I can't find that one..11 tracks only. ;(

Dr. Zaius said...

So I take it that Agent Stockholm doesn't like football very much! Still, I would think that he would frightend by the off-stage organs. (Why are they off-stage? Are they understudys?)

Demeur said...

If the Browns lose this one I won't feel so bad about the Seahawks.

TomCat said...

I turned away from a 0-0 game for five minutes and returned to a 0-13 one. Condolences.

Liberality said...

A sports post dressed up as horror? Well yeah, those sports games ARE horrible, no doubt ;~)

Randal Graves said...

nunly, oh, I know you guys are crappy everywhere, but those picks still happened. Look, there's another one!

sunshine, their burgers suck, but I do love their fries. It's not life and death, but I'll send you the bonus track.

dr.zaius, can you imagine the uproar if we started showing our organs on stage?

demeur, man, has their defense underperformed. And it's only one game, but maybe they found something in that Forsett dude.

tomcat, they're so incredibly terrible, it's almost beautiful.

liberality, watch it, man-hating pinko hippie. ;-)

okjimm said...

Ha.... A half act play for a half act football team.

Christopher said...

Are you sure you're not talking about the Buffalo Bills?

Things are so bad that today the Bills fired their coach. I don't know the name of the hapless fellow but those who care about the NFL (I'm not one of them) probably know.

Beach Bum said...

I had been uneasy about mentioning it but I do find it strange that the Browns are doing so bad but the freaking Saints are doing great.

Don't blame me, I'm a Bucs fan.

Tom Harper said...

Whew! That's some serious torture. Worse than waterboarding.

PoliShifter said...

The last picture is frightening.

Cormac Brown said...

I had a feeling this post was going to go there and it did. If only we could eviscerate Mangini for trading Winslow and Braylon for box of stale Twinkies.

sunshine said...

I bought the cd last night.
The little dirt bag at the music store looked pretty impressed that I knew two versions had been released but alas.. no luck. I had to buy the one with only 11 tracks.
I've listened to the first 6 tracks and I must say, so far I'm liking it. :)

Übermilf said...

Are you going to write something today (Wednesday) or not? Because I'm tired of checking back here and I've got places to go and things to do.

Try not being so selfish next time.

Randal Graves said...

okjimm, excuse me, but when did the Browns play an entire half this season?

christopher, ah, the one team we defeated, and I'm still not sure how. They're quite putrid as well, but they've actually scored more than five offensive touchdowns in the last sixteen games.

BB, since we're nowhere close to even contending for a playoff spot, I wouldn't mind seeing the Saints win the whole thing.

As for your Bucs, they might have found an actual quarterback.

tom, I don't know why the CIA didn't force prisoners to watch these guys. Would've confessed in seconds.

poli, yet, I will stupidly watch all four quarters.

cormac, excuse me, the expiration date was September. They'll still be fresh in 2012.

sunshine, oh no, you didn't get served by some hipster, did you? Remind me to send you that extra track. Devious Swedes!

übermilf, if you actually enjoy coming here of all places, I highly suggest seeking professional counseling.

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