Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Is that a keyword on your screen, or are you just happy to see me?

Oh, CHUDs of the internets, it's been so long since we last danced and drank too much cheap hooch and threw up on each others shoes and got into a fist fight over who was going to clean it up and crashed into a telephone pole on the way to the hospital to tend to our non-fatal injuries because we were still throwing punches but luckily it was a telephone pole adjacent to the hospital so we didn't die from our near-fatal ones.

Sure, it's no Smeckler's Powder, but a balsam specific often does the trick.

What is this ploober that brought you here? Surprisingly, The Urban Dictionary wasn't helpful. Alright, The Google, help a honky out. Type, type, type. Ah, it's apparently some tech geek shit of some sort. Do I look like that kind of geek?

And I certainly don't look like a sadism tube mood pictures.com kind of geek either. I'm married, so my fetish is obviously masochistic in nature. Duh.

What kind of loser sinks to "writing loveletters imaginary"? All mine are real. I just haven't sent them yet.

As far as I know, Carl Sagan's hair was legit, so astronomy and man and toupee and television is quite a roundabout way of searching for Shatner®, don't you think?

rosenkranz and guildenstern are undead
would kick so much ass.

"Something is rotten in Denmark. No, really, Horatio, Hamlet's a zombie."

"la chevelure vol d'une flamme à l'extrême" explanation Don't ask me, ask the guy who wrote it. I know he's dead, but maybe you'll get lucky and find out that he's a zombie, too.

Many have come to share my belief that this blog is french for you fool.

my love for you is like a truck berserker Given who you likely are, Sorcerer of Cheetohs, I would not like some making fuck. Now, if you're a Sorceress, call me.

Betcha Rhett Butler would've given a whole moustache full of damn if there had been a bunch of antebellum lesbian babes in his midst.

I can honestly say that I rarely, if ever, see a PDA on the bus, let alone a fuck in public transportation.

And you all scoffed at l'ennui hot scene.

Never underestimate the power of a sexy monocle.


susan said...

I remember a time when a couple of drunk guys with each others knives stuck in them drove right into the lobby of the hospital where I worked.. plate glass and all. They were still fighting. Ah, for the good old days.

Bettie was the epitome of the modern southern belle.

Sherry Peyton said...

Are you just freakin' insane? Is that stream of consciousness actually leading somewhere? Or just using it to post a lezzie pic for your purient interest? I think there was something bout Carl Sagan and William Shatner but damned if I know what it was. Like em both, for different reasons of course. One is dead, the other, keeps on beaming UP.

sunshine said...

You make my head hurt. Have you not read my profile?
Under "Favorite Books" I wrote "anything that doesn't make me think too hard".
I have precious few brain cells left. Don't make me use them up so early in the day.

How did you get that picture of me in my Sorceress outfit? Is that damn thing still circulating on the internet? Geeze... :)

So I guess that in answer to your question .."I'm just happy to see you". :)

((Hugs from your Capitalist with a tiny bit of socialist, Canadian friend)))

Randal Graves said...

susan, true story? Now that's just goddamn funny.

Bettie didn't hide her lusties, unlike those other clowns.

sherry, you best cast those accusations of insanity towards the weirdos who typed that shit in. And I don't need an excuse to post such pictures!

sunshine, another S. I think I need to call Christopher Walken.

"More S!"

If you've got more pictures of you being sorceressery, I'll be more than happy to clear up the posts from now on, you Acolyte of Friedman! No, the one without the moustache. ;-)

La Belette Rouge said...

I got a search term so horrible and vile and disturbing that I am not even going to repeat it. But, suffice to say, that if the searcher had been in the U.S. I would have forwarded it to the governments to let them deal with it.

Beyond that one I get lots of people who come to me looking for info on Prenatal vitamins. The most recent ones were "my boyfriend took prenatal vitamins what will happen to him" and "I took a prenatal vitamin with birth control pill will I get pregnant". Please, all that is holy, don't let her get pregnant.

Scarlet W. Blue said...

I understood every single word, and I agree wholeheartedly with each and every one of them.

darkblack said...

I'll have you know I run a clean, wholesome blog without all this sort of witchcraft-inspired Leninist hanky-panky, thank you very much.


sunshine said...

Sure! Blame a dead guy. (John Candy)... Poor John. Can you not find a Canadian that is alive to lay the blame on? I'm sure you can as most of your talented American actors are Canadian! :)
Anyhooooo.... My kids actually play soccer all year. During the winter they just do an indoor training thing that my husband runs.
Once the snow melts we put away our hockey sticks/skates and hit the fields!
Laura (S'sssss)

Beach Bum said...

rosenkranz and guildenstern are undead would kick so much ass.
This reminded me that, believe it or not, some person rewrote Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice" with zombies as part of the story line. My wife has the book and while I've read some wild shit I may have to leave that one alone.

Tom Harper said...

What Scarlet said. I understood the entire post and I couldn't agree more.

Liberality said...

I don't understand how it is that I can understand this. Completely understandable, no? Or not.

Lisa said...

All I can say is the search words at That's Why are much more tame than the old ones at PoliTits.

S.W. anderson said...

Hate to tell you this, Randal, although you may have realized it by now anyway, but that wasn't creamer you put in your coffee. Obviously, it was LSD.

Timothy Leary would approve. J. Edgar Hoover, not so much — although I'll bet he panted at the thought of Betty Page with her tush turned up.

Randal Graves said...

LBR, don't worry, I got Dick Cheney lives in your basement before, too.

Want us to sacrifice anyone just to make sure that voyager 'cross the electrons doesn't get a bun in the oven?

SWB, even moustache? Ewww, sicko.

darkblack, alright Photoshop Wizard, you have to perform said rites on your comment. ;-)

sunshine, well, Don Cherry is a giant ass, so I'll be more than happy to pin the blame on him. Though he is a snappy dresser.

You guys actually have months were it doesn't snow? You fake Canucks! ;-)

BB, that actually exists? I'm tempted to read that! Zombies can often improve any work of fiction.

tom, you guys are the bestest.

liberality, stop confusing me.

lisa, well sure, you're a sappy relationship blog now. What's your stance on torture?

SWA, I think the Director might be more interested in Bettie's outfit.

Dean Wormer said...

rosenkranz and guildenstern are undeadAhem.


Randal Graves said...

Well, hot damn.

Anonymous said...

Randal, you're drunks are tame compared to ones I knew. Those guys never made it out of the bar, having suffered massive brain trauma from bouncing off the bar, the foot rail and the saw dust. It was an alcoholic version of Rodney Dangerfield's "Triple Lundy" from that comedy classic "Back to School."

Randal Graves said...


Now I've gotta watch that flick again. "'cause Truman was too much of a pussy wimp to let MacArthur go in there and blow up those commie bastards!"

"Good answer."

Non Je Ne Regrette Rien said...

god my keyword is so boring. I mean really. 99.999% of google searches for my blog are some form of je ne regrette rien. now either I need to get sleazier or I am one hell of a genius blog entitler.

Dr. Zaius said...

Zombie Hamlet: To be or not to be - Oh, wait... I'm already not.

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

Anonymous said...

Hey I'd like to thank you for such a terrific made site!
Just thought this is a nice way to make my first post!

Laurence Todd
if you're ever bored check out my site!
[url=http://www.partyopedia.com/articles/bug-party-supplies.html]bug Party Supplies[/url].

Anonymous said...

Interesting for me//

Anonymous said...

kiev escort girls ))

Anonymous said...

Комплексный Стройка домов в запорожье.http://vsjstroika.ucoz.ru http://vash-remont.ucoz.ua .