Friday, November 21, 2008

Le passe-partout

The actual French translation of skeleton key doesn't sound as cool as I'd hoped. Screw you, frogs, la clé de squelette it is, Académie Française be damned. Anyway, once upon a time, there lived a man with a monocle. A slacker he was and so much slacking did he that slack his brain became and struggled he did to design a fresh post. So cut himself some slack he did for despite his lack of s-m-r-t-s, clever he was and let the internets do it for him he did!

"Cramping my style you are!"

So what kind of crazy critters have made their way chez Randal?

I'll admit that I sometimes post images of scantily-clad ladies, because like all hetero dudes, I'm part swine, but I don't think you'll find x rated entertainment here, not when there's hours of free stuff at YouPorn.

is brandon dubinsky jewish? According to Wikipedia, he is.

how to put yourself in a coma. Easy:

"i hate foreign languages"
So do I sometimes, anonymous pal, so do I.

You cannot fathom the excitement coursing through my loins, oh yes, when I read "she's all yours" field dressed spit.

Flutter. Sigh. She's such a MILF. Moose I'd Like to Filet. You didn't think I was talking about Palin, did you?

I know the Cheetohs Brigade® has some strange fetishes, but I don't get the allure of fuck old woman bombs. Not boobs, bombs.

Ewww, I hope it isn't some bizarre Peggy Noonan cocktail thing.

A grand dream fulfilled it would be if rush limbaugh trickle up poverty hits the bloated gasbag sooner rather than later.

What's most disturbing isn't that barney lets fuck mother fucker part 1 means there's a barney lets fuck motherfucker part 2, but that the second doesn't contain a space between mother and fucker, throwing the entire meaning of the couplet completely off. Prop her speling is the goodest.

happy birthday whore you ain't virgin. Always glad to see the classy College Republicans pay a visit.

Okay, I'll admit it. buffy x rated was me.

What's that for? I am too classy!

Anyway, dude -- or chick -- non friction scary stories ain't scary. You don't want it to hurt. Or maybe you do, especially since you're probably the same dude -- or chick -- that was looking for the very first blody fucking pictures. þá bastardas béoþ æþryte!

No, I didn't search for french songs about guilt. Why are you looking at me like that?

spouse sleeps on couch pretends everything is o.k. Sometimes. Go away.

i don't know what i'm doing with my life. Me either.

Boy, this is more depressing that I would've imagined. Come on, internets weirdos, freaks and geeks, help me out, will ya?

that's why they call them freedom fries, frenchy.

Not anymore, rube. Vive la France!

save the motherfuckin day yeah. One post at a time, mon ami inconnu, one post at a time.


Anonymous said...

I'm sure you've already guessed that "I don't know what I'm doing with my life" was me.

Mais, bien sur!

Je cherche, je cherche.....

Dusty said...

I don't know no damn I can't be cool and response in french..damn it all to hell and back!

So let me close with this:

besame el culo el Presidente Bush.

¡Púdrete en el infierno!

susan said...

You know they're stealing and breaking everything they can find on the way out the door. Is it time for the burning brands and pitchforks yet?

La Belette Rouge said...

Are you saying that you and Peggy Noonan did the dirty after a few cocktails?

I am loving that squelette rhymes with Belette. I am easily amused.

Randal Graves said...

dcup, la vie existe quelque part, n'est-ce pas ?

dusty, non, non, parles en espagnol ! c'est bien aussi ! Just gimme a sec to babelfish the sucker. ;-)

susan, that would be improper. But don't worry, I'm sure they'll be at The Hague in no time. "Why yes, it IS okay to pour mercury into local reservoirs."

LBR, wow, them's fightin' words! I'm glad you're easily amused because the first part of your comment has forever stained my soul. I hope that was amusing! ;-)

Missy said...

Yoda speak annoying I find.

Come to think of it, non friction scary stories rub me the wrong way, too.

Anonymous said...

This post is like a Jackson Pollack painting..only with words.

Randal Graves said...

missy, rub you the wrong way they do?

spartacus, certainly a batch of weird ones this time. One I forgot to add was how do you say your welcome in checzlovakia.

anita said...

yeah, what spartacus said. this post is making a tad dizzy.

but, as we all know, pollack was (and i assume still is) considered a master innovator. just like our friend randal here. yeah. just like randal.

that's exactly what i think. seriously. i kid you not.

anita said...

oh, and i can't help you with 'welcome in czechoslovakia' ... but if you go to my ancestral village in croatia, i think they will greet you with a warm ........ dobrodošli, randal graves !!!!!!

and then give you a bottle of slivovitz and let you get plastered while they steal all the cash out of your wallet.

oh those croatians. they are SUCH a hoot.


Anonymous said...

@Anita how else did you think I meant it? I pay Randal nothing but the highest compliments. Indeed, he is an innovative blogger; a wacky, too, but that's part and parcel of the genius package.

Randal... You're welcome is Czech is vítejte. But please don't ask me how to pronounce the word. It's been a while since I've used my Czech language skillz.

S.W. Anderson said...

"I'll admit that I sometimes post images of scantily-clad ladies, because like all hetero dudes, I'm part swine . . ."

Nothing swinish about that. Tell me you don't harbor deep feelings of repression. Hef would be shocked — shocked!

Pearl said...

Whew! Spinning my head is!

Non! Je ne regret rien.

Utah Savage said...

key word search, is I think it, no? Points get you. Desperation makes us all a little strange, Randal. But then again, strange you are, desperate or not, you monocle wearing frog loving freak. Oh why are my key word searchers so boring?

Beach Bum said...

Whats this about Peggy Noonan? Hell I do her and Nancy Pelosi. My way of being bi-partisan. As for men being Swines, I freely admit I'm a mudcaked pig.

Snave said...

Randal, I love your blogposts when they start out in search of a topic. I'd like to try that sometime, but I'm afraid my attempts would just be embarrassing!! Seriously, this was a good one, Randall.

I can handle YodaSpeak just fine, and in fact I love it. But please don't ever do Jar-Jar. That causes me to want to do violent things!

Non, Je ne regrette rien said...

peggy noonan hearts moose carpaccio.

Christopher said...

Francese? No. Preferisco l'italiano. I cani abbaiano, le carovane passano.

Randal Graves said...

anita, the czech is in the mail. I was disappointed that the passerby misspelled Czechoslovakia! Murkans hate geography.

I rarely carry any cash on me, so they can rummage through my wallet all they want. ;-)

spartacus, ah, pronunciation is a pain in the ass, no matter which language. But if you've got mad Czech skills, you should throw them up at your place more often. We won't know if you're pronouncing them correctly or not!

SWA, I don't think Hef has the time TO be shocked with all the dozens of ladies he seems to be 'dating' at any one time.

pearl, stop it you should before helicopter it becomes!

Hurt my head, Yodaspeak does!

utah, swear more you should, perhaps? Or Mooselinispeak adopt you should.

Okay, that's enough of this, Lucas you bastard.

BB, I think my synapses just shut down. But you've made up for it with your admission of pig-dom.

snave, I think the majority of my posts are like that; I just get lucky sometimes and find a theme!

As mediocre - at best, and I'm being generous - as Phantom Menace was, bloody hell was that not one of the worst characters of all time.

JNRR, now that's just crazy. Everyone knows that moose is better cooked.

christopher, exactement. Chaque personne a une langue qu'ils préfèrent.

Christopher said...

L'italiano e piu facile.

Francese, piu difficile.

KELSO'S NUTS said...


I am Jewish. I am from NYC. When I left I was living a 10 minute stroll from the Garden. I love hockey. I love politics. A


Why didn't you believe me then?

KELSO'S NUTS said...

@ DUSTY: In Andino we keep it nice and simple with Bush and McCain: "Vete al carajo" which babelfish would translate very well but using the Noam Chomsky/Gregory Rabassa "whole language" technique is a very simple "fuck you."

The "czech" is in the mail to the RNC and I won't "slovak" in Mooselini's mouth.

Dean Wormer said...

Anyway, once upon a time, there lived a man with a monocle.

The Monopoly man?

Can't go wrong posting a Buffy pic.

Randal Graves said...

kelso, for one smart dude, you missed the point of the post again. ;-)

These were google search terms that brought yokels here.

dean, I wish I had the Monopoly Man's money.

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