Tuesday, November 18, 2008

The Good, the Bad, the Ugly, the Beautiful and some other crap X

"We've got the internets at home, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah!"

The Good: Phil Dawson nailing five field goals, included the game-winning 56-yarder, the team having only two (!) penalties and creating four turnovers to our zero. Yes, zero.

The Bad: Taking those four turnovers, three in the first quarter alone, and doing barely anything with them. Seriously, 13-10 at the half? And what's with the fucking matador tackling, again? Wrap the fucker up and drop his skull into the turf. Unless you watched it, and given the limitations of the English language, I really cannot begin to describe just how laughable it was. The kick coverage teams, usually a strength, were quite shoddy as well. But not as bad as the badly bad tackling that was oh so bad and not the bad in the cant of the young people, the old school bad as in shitty and putrescent.

The Beautiful: Riffing -- ha ha ha -- off of some comments made by Monsieur Kelso and dcap in my last post, I had planned something spectacular for Sunday entitled Into the Crypts of Manilow, featuring YouTubes of live Celtic Frost and a sappy crooner classic surrounded by comic wordplay. It's probably a good thing the tubes were clogged as what I had cooked up was so hilarious, you would've spit your beverage all over your keyboard and I would be expecting a stack of bills.

But here they are anyway, footage of the mighty Frost at Wacken in 2006 (how come Europe gets all the good festivals? Murka sucks) churning out an extra heavy version of Into the Crypts of Rays and, lastly, the Love God of Lonely Suburban Housewives.

Play 'em at the same time for a fun, faux mashup that'll score you some freaky glances from your hated coworkers!

The Ugly:

Dear home internet service provider,



Oh, the Clowns are at home versus Houston on Sunday. At least the Chargers and Jag-wires are suffering the same 4-6 mark.


Dusty said...

You just had to mention the friggin Chargers didn't ya?

Your a mean man Randal..or you just want company in the misery dept..dunno which. ;p

Hill said...

You've been tagged!


MRMacrum said...

At least you did not mention my Pats. They finally and for the second time lost to the evil Jets under that nasty man Mangini in front of a captured audience who could not shift their eyes to any other game as no other game was there to avert their disgust to. Thursday night games! Who the fuck thought up that one? I had to suffer on Sunday some serious jonesin and settle for watching Pittsburgh do what they do.

I will say though, my Pats did hang in and made the Jets take it with a coin toss. They did not just roll over this time. There is indeed light at the end of the tunnel. Now if we could borrow say, the Giants defense for a few games, we might just have a snowball's chance.

La Belette Rouge said...

Last night He-weasel said, "Randal must be happy." I didn't bother to ask why as I was sure that it involved sports.

Hey, thanks for the Barry.;-)

Randal Graves said...

dusty, I'm sick of being alone in the misery train, so of course I had to throw that invite out. ;-)

hill, I saw that blasphemy! But it's about music, so it's okay. ;-)

mrmacrum, Cassell isn't going to play bombs away like Brady, but in his defense, you guys are on your 78th-string running back and most worrisome as you know, is the increasingly sieve-like quality of the defense.

Given the overall mediocrity of the AFC, a wild card, hell, a division title - seriously, how in the hell are the Jets 7-3? - isn't out of the cards, but I can't see a Super Bowl run. Then again, outside of the Giants, which team has been an ass-kicker from day one? Even the Titans, 10-0 notwithstanding, aren't invincible. Not that I'd want to face that defense!

LBR, I'm happy that we won, but we looked so bad doing it!

I never ever thought I'd have that dude on my blog. I'm going to have to rectify that somehow. ;-)

Übermilf said...

blah blah blah football blah blah

Utah Savage said...

bla,bla, bla, football, bla, bla, bla, some horrible atrocity of noise, and Barry sings Manny, God man you're scaring me. Not to malign Manilow, but Manny isn't his best work. Now I have to go gargle to get the taste out of my mouth.

But before I go, did you notice my concern that you were MIA yesterday? Silly me. What was I thinking? It was Monday and you were ready for some football.

Liberality said...

You're right: this country doesn't have any cool festivals worth attending and the home internet sucks bigtime. About the sports, well I don't know that much :)

Randal Graves said...

übermilf, ignore Manilow at your own peril. You live on the edge.

utah, loved the Frost, didja? I couldn't tell you what Barry's 'best' song is, as he's nowhere near my list of things I don't like all that much.

Of course I noticed, and it's much appreciated. Once again, the internets, not impeding football feasting, kept me away.

liberality, I'm sure some big bluegrass fan will correct me, but dammit, I want loud guitars and I can't afford a road trip to the New England Metal and Hardcore Festival. ;-)

dguzman said...

But the Cowboys won!

anita said...

awwwww ... Mandy !!! I LOVE that song. Yeah, I'm a dweeb.

And how many people named their kids (and dogs, and cats, and birds) Mandy after that song came out????

a billion?
no, 700 billion.

MRMacrum said...

I chose to ignore your obvious lack of good judgement when you posted the Manilow video. I did not listen or look as I am afraid I would want to change careers and become a hairdresser or maybe an interior designer. I hear Barry has that kind of effect on us macho guys who secretly wish to wear dresses.

Did I just say that? Shit. Nevermind.

Randal Graves said...

dguzman, no one cares except you evil Cowboy fans, what an affront to God, the Republic, and the Super Magical Jesus Baby you all are!

anita, 700 billion served? See, Manilow should have opened up a fast-food chain at the height of popularity.

mrmacrum, I would laugh, especially since I don't like Manilow at all, but then I remembered I like this movie, so I don't want to be a hypocrite and will thus remain silent.

okjimm said...

MANDY!! Please! Barry is the pits.

I am still suffering, football-wise, with a very split personality Packer team. The Nord division may very well send an 8-8 team into the playoffs.

Beach Bum said...

Didn't see the game but my Panthers won. And as far as Manilow is concerned I have come to believe that its rather high probability that I may be adopted. Not only am I a Southern guy who hates NASCAR, bass fishing TV shows, golf, and floats around on the left side of the political spectrum but I actually like Manilow's music. Each of those offenses use to get kicked out of the state.

Tom Harper said...

I took your advice and played both videos at once. The room is still spinning. I feel this sudden urge to become a headbangin' hairdresser.

Madam Z said...

Oh man, I made myself listen - ALL THE WAY THROUGH - to that horrid Frost thing, just because I like you so much, Monsieur Graves, and now I have the WORST headache! And that on top of all that football stuff has submerged me into intractible despair.

Oh wait, I feel better now, thinking about Johnny Cash.

S.W. Anderson said...

Frost, Manilow, Oy.

You'll have to forgive me, Randal. I'm having trouble getting my masochism on.

Our Juicy Life said...

johnny cash - love him...especially at Folsom prison!

Randal Graves said...

okjimm, but a dangerous 8-8 team. If you look at the stats, the Packers are easily a top ten team, they've had some funky losses.

BB, you know, you're ruining my long-held stereotypes of the south. I just assumed everyone enjoyed watching cars go the same direction in an oval for three hours.

I've been fishing. It's enjoyable. But watching fishing? Really? How does that get on teevee I'll never know.

tom, just think you can have a big skull and crossbones plastered in the window. Sure, you'd scare off the old blue-haired ladies, but that's an untapped niche market!

madam z, I'm glad I could spread the despair around! I'm impressed that you listened to the entire thing for I certainly didn't to the Manilow. Though I've heard the damn thing before thanks to mom and pop controlling the car radio when I was a wee lad.

SWA, well, if music isn't your thing, there's always self-flagellation. ;-)

OJL, I tell ya, there ain't no folk better than prison folk! No, that wasn't Cash, that was Krusty.

pissed off patricia said...

Just a note on something you might have missed. The Cowboys won!!!

Dr. Zaius said...

I don't get it. Does your home internet service provider like Johnny Cash or something?

Randal Graves said...

POP, tell you what. They make the Subpar Bowl, I'll send you an American dollar.

dr. zaius, not after Johnny smashed his guitar on their heads!