Saturday, November 15, 2008

Randal's dead, deceased corpse can sing


















No, much to the chagrin of many of you, I'm still among the living, at least for the foreseeable future. I'm a big fan of edumacation and an even bigger one of music, so upon reading la future marche funèbre of a legendary shaper of minds, I thought to myself, you lazy bastard, steal that idea!

"He said it's okay, so technically it's not theft."

Why are you still here?

"Because if I wasn't, you would be a dead, deceased corpse."

Okay, the Dean had twenty songs and despite the fantastic advances in technology, I figured there's no way in hell I could fit twenty songs/works on a single CD, so I pared it down to ten. Then I remembered that iPod People have a vast enough storage capacity to contain full-length pornographic movies, so no worries.

When I've gotten bored with rigor mortis and am totally into decomposition and you all are eating, drinking and being merry because you won't have to read any more of my crappy blog, here's what you'll hear. Here, there, they're hear their something something. And my invisible minions have locked and chained every exit, so if you hate classical and loathe metal, too fucking bad. Just imbibe more booze to dull the pain, chumps. Illegal drugs are okay as well. I won't snitch. I'm dead. Just be glad you're getting a eulogy in the form of tunes instead of Sominex spoken word.

Oh, and Utah? You're welcome for the links.

1. Beethoven, the complete symphonies -- Yeah, it isn't a single work, but it's my funeral, so you get all nine. And the Seventh gets played twice.

2. Metallica, To Live Is To Die -- Nearly ten minutes of a perfect hymn to despair. What, you thought I would have the executors of my estate throw a colorful bash with streamers, party hats and uptempo techno shit? Misery, you bastards, misery. Dance on your own time. Try the beef stroganoff though, it's excellent.

3. Bach, Brandenburg concerto no. 2 -- Picking only one of the six isn't easy, but this might be my favorite musically and it also made an appearance in an episode of The X-Files, a show my sometimes-better-half and I watched religiously. Until we found religion.

4. Opeth, Blackwater Park -- IMNSHO, the best band on planet earth. Their finest track? Perhaps. But I've downed many a glass of wine, written many a line with these Swedes blasting out of my headphones.

5. Katatonia, Sulfur -- Everyone has that band, act or composer that through some abstract, alchemical process, very nearly perfectly mirrors the listener's dominant moods. Autumnal sadness, anger, longing, disconnection, Katatonia plies their trade in the same emotions as I and this is my favorite track of theirs.

6. Agalloch, You Were But a Ghost in My Arms -- Speaking of autumnal sadness and affiliated lovely things, Portland's finest -- hear that Dean and Swinebread? Go see 'em, you closet headbangers! -- is another one of those 'put the headphones on, turn out the lights and wander' bands.

7. Alice In Chains, Down in a Hole -- Facelift is still the only album I ever bought solely through the album cover without having heard a note, but Dirt is their best work and arguably the finest platter of the 1990s, a decade where I graduated the bizarre hell of high school, got hitched and become a pop, all within the span of a smudgy smidgen beyond a single year. And given how I had no fucking clue about anything, certainly about being a father -- yes, and a husband. Merci, ma chère -- this album got spun a lot in 1992. And since.

8. The White Stripes, Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground -- Ah, domestic bliss.

9. My Dying Bride, Your River -- I'm a moody, morose, romantic idealist cynical bastard, and this paean to that tortuously fun combination covers it nicely. As nice as those things can be.

10. Van Halen, Mean Street -- When I was a still a little geek, as opposed to the big geek I am now, and before I discovered the über-heavy stuff, the mighty Van Halen was my soundtrack. This is their grooviest.

11. AC/DC, It's a Long Way to the Top (If You Wanna Rock 'n' Roll) -- Also a big part of the formative years. Pourquoi cette chanson ? Bagpipes! Yes, I'm part Scottish. No, I don't wear a kilt.

12. Led Zeppelin, In My Time of Dying -- The time is past for me, so all you flesh and blood motherfuckers, kick out the jams.

13. Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov, Scheherezade -- Because I like big, symphonic works about love.

14. Piotr Tchaikovsky, symphony no. 4 in F minor -- Those who create, even us woefully unskilled types, have muses. Pete had Nadezhda von Meck and this is one of the towering fruits of that relationship.

15. Georges Bizet, L'Arlésienne suites -- Speaking of muses...no, I don't know anyone from Arles. Fooled you.

16. Slayer, Raining Blood -- Because everyone loves Slayer. I said, EVERYONE LOVES SLAYER.

17. Wagner, prelude to Parisfal -- Sure, Richie was a first-class Nazi douchebag asshole worthy of repeated kicks to the nuts and/or the skull depending on how martial your arts are, but man, if those aren't gorgeous, timeless chords.

18. Megadeth, Peace Sells -- See, even as a teenage jerk, I was political.

19. Anthrax, Time -- And wishing I had more of this for the good stuff. Glad to see that situation has been rectified, hardee har har.

20. Black Sabbath, Black Sabbath -- This is where it all started, and though I was negative three upon its release, I think I've made up for it since with much headbanging and countless hours with the classic lineup destroying the air around me.

Oh, what the hell. Five more. Though I could easily do a hundred.

21. Johannes Brahms -- symphony no. 3 in F major -- Like virtually the rest of humanity with access to music, specific sounds, pieces, motifs, works are permanently linked to a particular memory and that is certainly the case with this. Maybe that's why it's my favorite work of his.

22. Black Tape for a Blue Girl, All My Lovers -- All ain't a lot I can tell you, but these fine folks share many of the same aesthetics as Katatonia, with fewer power chords.

23. The Rolling Stones, Street Fighting Man -- I'm not from the streets, and I'm more a lover than a fighter -- boy, the wife would be laughing if she read that -- but it's the fucking Stones, man! At this late date, I can't remember what the first song of theirs I heard was, but I swear on Zombie Reagan's sleeping corpse that it might have been this one, though the devil always needs your sympathy, so please, give generously.

24. Arcturus, Kinetic -- Cosmic dreamscapes are so much better than plain ole earth, baby.

For the last, I wanted to echo my comments for #21 and find a clip of Gabriel Fauré's piano quintet no. 1 in D minor, but I see that the esteemed Frenchman is painfully underrepresented in the YouTube, as are quite a few of my other favorites. But oh, there's plenty of this lunacy. What the fuck is wrong with you bloody humans? So, I'll just say Auf Wiedersehen!

Shit, how many hours of music is that? Worthy of a pharaoh's funeral, not some nondescript yokel. Maybe I'll release it as a box set upon my death, all proceeds going to the most commie pinko socialist organization there is. You know, the U.S. Government. Never know who they'll be bailing out tomorrow.

Oh, I'm not tagging anyone as I don't think it's officially a meme and I don't want to be put on double-secret probation, but I humbly, gently, quietly, meekly and ruthlessly demand that you celebrate your future death on your blog through music. Get cracking, bones.

47 comments:

Freida Bee said...

Wow, that was a lot of work. I may have to revoke your lazy blogger status. Instead, I am putting you on triple secret probation. Did you forget I can't watch YouTube at work, 'cause now I really want to listen to that Led Zeppelin song?

FranIAm said...

Now that is one very long ass and very thought provoking list you got there.

Stay alive though, no one blogs quite like you do.

MRMacrum said...

Does it feel odd to be sporting a mullet while listening to Big B's Ninth? Or maybe you feel out of place hanging with the head bangers in a tux and a white silk scarf?

Words create imagery and randal, even though you are not quite dead, your choices here conjure up some serious comedy in that wasteland my therapist refers to as my mind.

As you seem to have shunned that great American artform, Blues, I would have to say I came away underwhelmed. Mullets will do that to a fellow I guess.

Naturally and of course since I have chosen to insulate myself since the 80s from the onslaught of most music, my opinion counts for nothing. I am impressed that you have been, or is it are able to break out tunes and music that could be considered favorites over non-favorites. My flitting from this to that mental state proves I lack that ability.

Randal Graves said...

FB, well, it was just linking to some tubes and blathering on. It wasn't that much work. Please don't revoke my lazy blogger status.

You need a job with bigger tubes!

fran, I'll try, but I lost control over meteors and runaway 18-wheelers long ago.

mrmacrum, hey now, I have never, do not, and never shall have a mullet. Quel stéréotype ! That's for Joe Dirts and Skynyrd fans (I like old Skynyrd, so maybe I've got an honorary one) not Scandinavian death metal weenies slowly going bald like myself.

Don't get me wrong, I dig the blues, and if it wasn't for that, well, there wouldn't be any Zeppelin for starters, but it's never been present at most of my past events.

Does Mötorhead count as the blues?

KELSO'S NUTS said...

Trust me, GRAVES, Motorhead might not be Leadbelly or Reverend Gary Davis but you hear so much Fokloriko Latino down here that Motorhead sure sounds like blues to me.

I grew up in a Puerto Rican neighborhood. I've been speaking Spanish my whole life. I even have a drop of Latino blood on my mother's side but only Terry Reilly and most of contemporary classical music is less annoying to me than fokloriko. Anything with a hint of a blues beat is THE BLUES to me.

Except electronica and that's so mercifully different from fokloriko that I felt compelled to get into the electronica business down here.

For a classical and metal head, you put up a wonderful, but rather accessible, list. You're starting to believe your own press and are playing to the cheap seats now, buddy.

Where's Satie? Where's Celtic Frost? Where's I Hate God? Where's some real Bach esoterica? Where's fuckin Brecht & Weill?

Christ, man.

Randal Graves said...

Monsieur Kelso, some electronica, with the problem of defining exactly what that is, I dig, if it falls greatly on the side of atmosphere and eschews the ass-shaking. I want moods and it's a genre I should probably explore more.

I think you misread the point of the list. I'm a corpse, and I'm tossing up my favorites and those pieces that resonating at a particular moment or with a particular memory.

Regarding classical, yes, I'll freely admit that I enjoy the symphonic/concerto stuff more than the rest, which is almost always going to be more popular than the intimate stuff given it's obvious emotional content, though I most definitely adore smaller ensembles and solo works. And I'm a melodramatic guy. Hell, just read my crappy fiction and verse.

Beethoven is Beethoven. 'nuff said. As for Bach, it's simply the piece of his I enjoy the most. If I were to pick a sonata for flute and harpsichord or a cantata, merely because it's more obscure, then I would be as horrid as the trying-too-hard hipsters who only search for the most obscure to establish some weirdo notion of street cred. It's like blaming Zeppeling for being well-liked. They were fucking great, whether they sold 10k or 10 million.

I love Satie. Jean-Yves Thibaudet's take on the complete solo stuff is excellent. Orchestrations of some of his pieces (les Gymnopédies, par exemple) are also excellent. I think conducted by Ronald Corp, but I'd have to check.

On to the metal, sure, most of these bands aren't the underground of the underground now, but I didn't know too many besides myself who jammed to Metallica and Slayer in 84, Opeth in 95/96, Katatonia or My Dying Bride in 92/93 when the former was strictly a doom-death band instead of the mood rockers they are now and the latter didn't have Aaron Stainthorpe deviating from gutteral vox. This is the stuff I grew up on and still dig. I can't help it if the tubes has made them more known than before. Next time I'll find some Averse Sefira or live Darkthrone for you. Kaatharian Life Code. ;-)

Frost? Saw them on the Monotheist tour. Loud as fuck. A shame that Fischer and Ain imploded once again. That was how you did a comeback album, don't rewrite your old material, dark, obscure, fandom be damned. Hellhammer!

Hey, I looked for Nicki Jaine and Dwelling and Poets to Their Beloved and the stupdendous Unto Ashes, but none of the tracks I especially dig the most. I suppose I'll have to learn to you the tubes!

Randal Graves said...

Oh, and it's Eye Hate God. ;-)

Distributorcap said...

nothing from barry manilow?

KELSO'S NUTS said...

That tells you I had copied cd's from illiterate Floridians!

Randal Graves said...

dcap, are you kidding? I would be doing a Graves disservice to dare mention his royal sappiness at this unworthy place.

kelso, ha!

afeatheradrift said...

Chit! no disco? I mean WTF? I usually reserve this for hubby, but Randal, YOU ARE NUTS! The inhumanity of not including the Bee Gees! why man, you have not lived in this century or the past it seems! And No Andy Williams either. I am chagrined I tell you!

Anonymous said...

What! No Isle of the Dead? Jesus man, what kind of sissy morose, romantic, tragic headbanger could you be with out Rachmaninoff? Oh I liked the one bone you threw my way with the Bach, but Christ man, no Rachmaninoff??? You, you, you... I can't think of a word to fling at you that would convey my outrage at the omission of Isle of the Dead.

And now the final indignity. I must enter my fucking username and password which these bastards at blogger never recognize and then I will not even be able to publish this impassioned comment... You dead bastard, I'm coming after you.

Anonymous said...

And in case you had no idea that was me, I had to post as anonymous, because you must have told blogger to be on the lookout for the old broad who smokes. Didn't invite me to your little funeral? You can't stop me. I even brought dead flowers.

I loved you when you were alive, but now that your dead and making me jump through hoops to scream at you, well not so much anymore.
Sincerely,
Utah Savage

DCup said...

Oui, Bizet. Parfait.

Mauigirl said...

This is very cool - I like memes like this. Sick though it may be, I have already figured out what songs I want played at my funeral - but I only have 3. They are:

"Better Days" by the Kinks.
"Blue Skies" by Willie Nelseon.
and last but not least,
"A Much Better View of the Moon," by a group called Modern Man.

All rather obscure except for Willie.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

I don't know what the big joke is. I kind of LIKE Barry Manilow.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

I'll take:

"Sunday Morning Coming Down" by Johnny Cash

"The Coldest Day Of The Year" by CopShootCop

"Everybody Plays The Fool" by The Main Ingredient

Utah Savage said...

Kelso, is that your idea of a joke? "I Walk the Line" is a much better Johnny Cash song than "Sunday Morning Coming Down"

Randal Graves said...

afeatheradrift, I loathe disco. If it was a person, I would run it over with my car.

the anonymous utah (sounds like a title for a memoir), sometimes if you sign into your google reader, but not your blog, you aren't recognized when trying to comment. It's very bizarre. Actually, it's all my doing. I have that much clout.

I'm a big fan of that Rachmaninoff piece, but I had to end the list, my list, ahem, at some point.

dcup, je suis d'accord avec toi.

mauigirl, I haven't heard that Kinks song in ages! And I can't forsee this list being played at mine either. I might go with something extra extreme just to scare everyone away.

kelso, because he's an easy punchline. But we cannot help what we dig and if someone else doesn't dig the same thing, fuck 'em. ;-)

utah, you kids play nice. Don't make me post black metal youtubes. Or Manilow.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

UTAH: "I Walk The Line" is for bachelorette parties.

"Sunday Morning Coming Down," "A Boy Named Sue," and his cover of "The Mercy Seat" are for aficionados.

GRAVES: Disco is OK. You just have to know what you're looking for. CHIC, SYLVESTER, THE VILLAGE PEOPLE and SISTER SLEDGE are the shit to avoid. CAROLE DOUGLAS, POLLY BROWN and GEORGE McRAE are pretty good.

susan said...

Well, I always liked the Brandenberg Concerto #4 the best but knowing we'd all be along to argue about them in future centuries must have been why Bach composed 6 of them.

As for my own demise I've always thought this one would be the most appropriate funeral tune ;-)

okjimm said...

Man.... you have got some twisted levels of music appreciation! You musta been dropped on your ear when you were a baby.... or did too many drugs while taking Music apprec at Zip-College.

But it sure beats the alternative.... Lawrence Welk and the Lennon Sisters Society. I thought Brandenburg only had a Gate...dinna know that there were some concertos to walk through, too. (are concertos good with milk or do you eat the right out of the box like Cherrios?)

Utah Savage said...

See what I mean about Susan's comments? I know all of Tom Lehrer's songs. One of my personal favorites is The Old Dope Peddler, and since I getting ready to do some poisonings, I think, Poisoning Pigeons in the Park will make lovely accompaniment to the post. Thank you Susan for the trip down memory lane.

Frederick said...

I would have commented earlier when I first read this post today...but for some reason my wife was not amused about being awakened to vintage Metallica be played at full volume...I don't know what her problem is, I enjoyed it.

S.W. Anderson said...

I don't belong in this exchange, not being that big on classical and never having liked heavy metal at all.

OK, I welcome an occasional Warsaw Concerto or William Tell Overture, some Tchaikovsky, Brahms, etc. But only rarely and in small doses.

Want to fire me up, put Victory at Sea on a turntable — no snickering, please — feed it through a quality stereo system, and stand back. Brilliant achievment, IMO. Sends chills down spine in places, even after all these years. In part it's because I know the stories, the ending.

You say I just go for schmaltz? I'll wear that label without protest, while sipping some really good box burgundy and enjoying Rhapsody in Blue. Another brilliant, timeless piece.

Christopher said...

Thank you for not tagging anyone!

Tagging is so pre-Obama.

I'm the last person to tamper with anyone's best list but Randal, no Master of Puppets?

It may be my all-time favorite Metallica song.

Mathman6293 said...

Dead Randal,

I will be responding to your death music - A production that you will not want to miss. And what about Death and Transfiguration?

Übermilf said...

I don't have to do what you say.

Screw you, Randal.

Border Explorer said...

Holy cow, my Ipod Nano just exploded. No worries, I really wanted a mega-giga Ipod Touch anyway.

anita said...

i always thought that i had the most schizophrenic (or, shall we say eclectic beyond the meaning of the word eclectic???) collection of musical interests and tastes, but i see now that "I Am Not Alone."

I am feeling relief at this moment.

However, I see no Rachmaninoff on your list. What gives? And no Chopin? No Schubert?

Anyway, I agree totally regarding your comment about Led Zeppelin and the blues. Zeppelin, while I guess is considered by some to be the first "Metal" band, that moniker is actually fairly inappropriate with regard to them, at least as far in my pea brain is concerned.

And Eric Clapton, as well, who although I don't think he shows up on your list, you posted one of his greatest pieces a few days ago ... and Eric Clapton, as all Clapton fans know, was also, truly formed by the blues.

Great post, Randal.

Oh, and by the way, I'm relieved, as well, that you're not dead.

Tom Harper said...

As long as you're talking about a funeral, what about Alice Cooper's "I Love The Dead Before They're Cold."

pissed off patricia said...

Wow, that's a bummer thought to begin the day (monday morning)

I think it might kill me to listen to some of that music. If it did, wouldn't you feel bad? ;)

Dean Wormer said...

Can I get an invite because I just want to see the faces of everybody as the music segues from Beethoven to Metallica?

I love your eclectic taste in music. Your list is a lot less "commercial" than mine which is pretty cool. I guess I might need to get out and headbang a little more. :-)

Thanks for putting that up.

Utah Savage said...

Okay, It's now Monday. Either you really are dead, or you're lazier than I thought. Get up man, brush the dirt off and get busy feeding the gaping maw of your fans. We need fresh meat.

Missy said...

That is a tremendous list.

I don't know.

I guess if I was going to celebrate my future death through music it would have to include something by Flogging Molly.

Kvatch said...

Johannes Brahms -- symphony no. 3 in F major ... Maybe that's why it's my favorite work of his.

Especially the third movement. Chokes me up every time it does.

Randal Graves said...

kelso, no matter which tack you take, a wordy, informative screed à la your excellent economic essays, cash bribery or violence, you'll never convince me to dig the disco. Ain't gonna happen. ;-)

susan, are you saying we're all going to simultaneously die in a nukyular conflagration? ;-)

okjimm, thanks to my grandparents, I've seen more episodes of Lawrence Welk than I would've liked.

And Brandenburg was a large, skillful man. In addition to failing to prevent the Russians from destroying Berlin, he was also a master songsmith.

utah, ah The Old Dope Peddler. Who doesn't love a good ditty about the CIA?

frederick, it sure beats that annoying BEEP BEEP BEEP from a generic alarm clock, no?

SWA, one man's schmaltz is another man's, well, non-schmaltz. We dig what we dig and if it moves us, all the better. Unless it's whatever is in the top ten these days!

christopher, well then, to be a rebel, I will tag everyone all the time now! Think of it is being retro.

Puppets is great, but if I had to pick one track off that album, it would definitely be Disposable Heroes.

mathman, I had toyed with the idea of doing a theme with stuff like that; Sabbath's Electric Funeral, Cathedral's A Funeral Request, Charpentier's Grand Office des Morts. Perhaps that's what you're doing!

übermilf, don't make me post an angry, shirtless YouTuber. Oh, that's right, you've got that covered.

BE, I really should switch over and dump the discman. It's a pain in the ass to decide what I'm going to listen to on the bus!

anita, I wanted to keep the list a wee bit non-unwieldy, though in retrospect, a nocturne would've fit nicely and I've certainly got my favorite ones.

It's certainly a mistake to consider Zeppelin a metal band. Sabbath, sure, but even their first album is bluesy as all hell, save for maybe the title track.

I'm glad I'm not dead, too!

tom, oh hell, there are so many Alice Cooper songs we could use!

POP, I would be very sad. Save the metal listening for us professionals. ;-)

dean, I think it's very easy to go from Battery to the Kreutzer sonata. ;-)

utah, nope, no corpseification, just my ISP being a collection of fuckery once more.

missy, that's good stuff too! The Flogging Molly, not the funerals. Though sometimes funerals do have good food.

kvatch, that's also good stuff. If only I could listen to some right now.

Betty C. said...

I'm thinking these are going to be very long funerals -- not sure I'll attend. I hope you'll prepare a blog version with music extracts.

Madam Z said...

My head is spinning to a disco beat. I couldn't come up with a list like this, no matter how dead I was. I kneel at your feet.

Randal Graves said...

betty, even if there was to be music that I loved, I wouldn't want to attend a 12-hour funeral either. It's the 21st century, perhaps downloads!

madam z, it was hard to narrow it down to just 25, believe me!

Dr. Zaius said...

What about the Monkees or the Archies?

Randal Graves said...

Too heavy, man!

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Anonymous said...

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