Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Halfway house














"Settle down *guffaw guffaw* Bibi, the check's in the mail."

Now, on to matters of far more import.

The Fucking Lakers vs. Denver: There are many who believe in the awesome power of the Super Magical Jesus Baby, Caliph Charlie or Jumpin' Jehovah, but one of the many altars I worship at is that of fancy, shmancy statisticalism, and such number crunching tells us that Denver has a much better chance that you think, David Stern, Generalissimo of Marketing. That said, The Fucking Lakers in seven because what would an NBA Finals be without mindless gushing like those squishy, goo-filled HFCS candy bites about the greatness of The Steak while failing to ever mention that the reason the chump even has a second shot at a fourth title is the same reason he got his first three: a big man. Sure, El Beardo ain't Shaq Fu, but betcha Kupchak hasn't even gotten so much as a card.


















Cleveland vs. Orlando: Pick against the Cavs? After all my not-so-subtle virtual chest-thumping on the bitter heels of forty-plus years of choking and failure that, like Prometheus' bird, eats my innards every night? Pshaw. Cavs in five, unless Dwight Howard learns his first actual post move today, then Cavs in six.

20 comments:

Mary Ellen said...

What is this game where men in baggy shorts hang from hoops? But hey...that Dunkin Donuts sign gave me some ideas, haven't had breakfast yet. If it weren't for that picture of Obama, I'd have more of an appetite.

:-)

thatgirl said...

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/19/sports/basketball/19cavaliers.html?_r=1

stupid new york.

Dean Wormer said...

I was gonna say Cavs in five.

They'll lose one game of the series and win the championship against Denver.

Then next year the Blazers assume the mantle, so don't get too used to it.

Utah Savage said...

Whatever.

Betty C. said...

I haven't had a lot to say lately -- but I do still follow your blog. That's more than I can say for many.

Spartacus said...

RG.. I haven't paid much attention to the NBA playoffs, much less sports, but I think this will be the season of the Giant killers. I don't think this will be the year of Kobe vs. King James. Maybe next year.

Randal Graves said...

nunly, fine, scantily-clad ladies tomorrow it is. ;-)

thatgirl, so sorry, Noo Yawk, we'll start playing down to the level of our competition like the rest of the NBA.

dean, what, is Greg Bowie getting the knee of a Terminator?

utah, just for that, more death metal and sports tomorrow.

betty, which only proves what strange taste you have. ;-)

spartacus, oh, sure, I can't completely see the Lakers flaming out against Denver.

Übermilf said...

bleh

Eric Marschall said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ricky Shambles said...

(*shakes fist at multiple Google identities*)
I like 'em in 5 too. Meh on politics until the game tomorrow when we see which way the bus is rolling.

Tom Harper said...

Who's in the picture with Obama? Obama's expression looks like he's either just gotten some bad news, or he's just about to say "hey, if I have to tell you again..."

Dusty said...

King James and his minions better get it done!

I hope the Fuckin' Lakers get taken to the cleaners..and lose like it's the playoffs in the years 1959, 1962, 1963, 1965, 1966, 1984 and finally..like it's 2008* ;)

*years the Celts beat the Lakers in the finals.

Dusty said...

Oops..forgot years 1968 and 1969. ;)

Beach Bum said...

The big question is if Bibi can be restrained from nuking Iran just for shits a giggles.

And as for the Lakers I hope the earth opens up and they fall into molten lava, or get a nasty case of swine flu.

As for Cleveland and Orlando I'm going for the guys from Rat City.

susan said...

May I examine your prostate, Mr. President?

Lisa said...

You're screwing with us, aren't you? It's really baseball season.

S.W. anderson said...

"That said, The Fucking Lakers in seven because what would an NBA Finals be without mindless gushing like those squishy, goo-filled HFCS candy bites about the greatness of The Steak while failing to ever mention that the reason the chump even has a second shot at a fourth title is the same reason he got his first three: a big man."
I'm trying to imagine researchers in a future time somehow coming across that passaage, trying to fathom what it could mean. Maybe working from an ancient dictionary, interpreting the words literally.

Researcher dictating notes: "Hmmm, let's see. People who copulated by or in a body of water . . . maybe with some kind of time limit (7 seconds? minutes? hours?) . . . something about reaching an "NBA" conclusion, maybe orgasm? No wait, he's saying gushing, squishy, so must've meant ejacu . . . But then he jumps to confection, meat and drink, no, two drinks ...

"Maybe that explains this. Yeah, the guy who wrote it was snockered." :)

Hill said...

Wow!

Netanyahu is looking more & more like Darth Cheney these days. Scary.

Now about that ball thingie.

You call 'em!

:)

La Belette Rouge said...

I came here today expecting to find a scathing and searing look at why Dancing with the Stars is as anti-French as the invention of freedom fries. Middle America is still mad at the French and so Giel unfairly lost.Come on, I'm waiting.
Hey, you start talking about the Lakers and I have no choice but going off topic.;-)

Randal Graves said...

übermilf, I see your bleh and raise you a meh.

ricky, we have multiple google identities? Have we been made the unwitting subjects of some top secret federal cloning project?

tom, that's the head of Israel, along with China and Saudi Arabia, one of our three overlords.

dusty, fucking Nuggets. I knew that fourth quarter lead was too good to be true. At least it wasn't a total collapse like the Blazers in 2000. Remember that, dean? ;-)

BB, I saw on the interwebs news that IRAN HAZ ISREEL OLD EUROPE HITTIN MISSL WE ALL CAN HAZ DIEING!

susan, yikes, you win.

lisa, not in Cleveland. You see how bad we're playing?

SWA, you know, that would be humanity's luck. All of our actually great artistic creations and achievements will be destroyed in some thermonuclear hellfire, but surviving buried deep under all that irradiated rubble, will be black boxes full of a bunch of weird ass web pages. ;-)

hill, holy shit, you're right! Get that man a pair of spectacles and a shotgun.

LBR, some French person was on that show? Isn't that the one where ex-football heroes with working knees and Hollywood has-beens try to bust a move?

Now I want French fries. Dammit!