Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Cleveland, I'm very disappointed in you.














An entire 6:15 am bus ride downtown and not a single inebriated wanker? At least the parade doesn't run down Euclid so I'll be able to have a quiet lunch in vomit-free sneakers. Fuck drunk cracker mobs.

In other predictable news, Justice Department claims "my penis is bigger than your penis." Texas Representative says "no way." Justice Department says "way." Our reporter could neither confirm nor deny whether either party in fact whipped it out.

Editorial: in their defense, it wasn't yet St. Patrick's Day.

17 comments:

Christopher said...

I am at a loss to understand why the gay community continues to want to march in New York City's Irish parade?

I mean, have you seen these Irish men? They're almost uniformly fat, disgusting, drunkard Gingers who need to bathe and brush their teeth.

Assuming they have teeth to brush.

Meanwhile, Randal, did you see the Catholic church is under yet another investigation for priests molesting teenage boys? This time in Brazil.

Here's a link:

http://fromtheleft.wordpress.com/2010/03/17/catholic-priests-under-investigation-for-molesting-boys-in-brazil/

I tell ya,' these Catholic priests need to be rounded up, and castrated. These are some sick motherfuckers.

Holte Ender said...

Randal, I'm sure some drunken wanker will seek your sneakers out sometime today.

Hey Christopher, you just tarred millions of Irish folks with the same judgmental brush that members of the gay community get plastered with. Hmm.

Christopher said...

Hey Holte -- You have no sense of humor. I feel sorry for you.

Ubermilf said...

Doesn't "drunk cracker mob" describe a typical heavy metal concert?

Also, I am very disappointed that your link did not, in fact, have anything to do with penises. That is false promise.

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

Happy St. Patrick's Day - Eat at Roy's! You won't ever guess the secret ingredient in the corned beef!

And in the meanwhile, here is an article about Cleveland that I thought you might enjoy.

Regards,

Tengrain

Laura said...

I'm with Ubie, I went looking for penis and found dick!

I'll be back blogging tomorrow. I know you've missed me. Not. :(
*yes, that was a chick trap. I know you saw it and will not step into it..*

((Hugs))
Laura

Randal Graves said...

christopher, Celibacy is about the most unnatural sexual state humanly possible.

Oh, and don't be so gay.

holte, so far, so bad. Busch and vomit free.

Oh, and don't be so straight.

übermilf, I don't get drunk at concerts. I paid not-hard-earned money for tunes.

Isn't that what überdilf is for?

tengrain, tastes like chicken!

What does Mr. Kunstler have against abandoned warehouses and peeling, unoccupied storefronts?

sunshine, boo, hiss, etc.

Chick traps can't fool me.

Demeur said...

That it! I'm putting up the banner "THERE'S A PARTY IN RANDAL'S SHOES AND EVERYONE'S CUMMING!"
Now does that tie the two thoughts together? Eeewww. Okay I'll get my coat I'm out of here.

Life As I Know It Now said...

Why aren't they wearing green? Pinch for them and everyone else not wearing green I say!

S.W. Anderson said...

Randal, you've misled us about your fellow travelers on the wheelie bus. I don't recall you mentioning foxy young women flashing "glad to see ya" smiles.

"In other predictable news, Justice Department claims . . ."

If Brian Williams is the Norman Rockwell of news delivery, you, Randal, are the Salvador Dali.

Commander Zaius said...

...drunk cracker mobs...

Sorry y’all “dunk cracker mobs™” is a trademarked phrase strictly controlled and used by us Southern folks. I kindly ask everyone to refrain from using it unless they have written permission. The parties involved, all good Christian folks, have informed me that the right to use legal action will be held in reserve.

Tom Harper said...

Way.

susan said...

Here's my favorite St. Paddy's Day story. Christopher may enjoy it too but he'll have to brush his teeth after reading.

Christopher said...

Randal,

It gets even better.

During a homily on St. Patrick’s Day, asshole Cardinal Sean Brady, the leader of the Catholic Church in Ireland apologized for his role in the cover-up of the country’s worst pedophile priest scandal.

He asked the congregation to “pray for me.”

Cardinal Sean Brady didn’t ask for prayers for the victims of the pedophile priest. He asked people to pray for him.

Isn’t this all-too typical of the selfish, Catholic hierarchy?

Let's hope a comet falls from the sky and lands directly on top of the Vatican, making a hole 5 miles across and taking everyone of these pedophile with it.

Dr. Zaius said...

Important tip: I think that you can buy sneakers that are fairly vomit-free when you purchase them. ;o)

Randal Graves said...

demeur, you sick fetish bastard.

liberality, I don't know, I simply grabbed whatever I could scrounge up off of The Google.

SWA, there ain't any foxy women on my bus. Believe me, I'd be ogling.

Dali? I'm dead? Shit.

BB, to whom do I write for express permission to use this trademarked phrase, and do I have to send a gift of $100 and afterward, will I receive a limited edition Jimmy Swaggart collector's plate?

tom, way?

susan, Old Scratch, always up to something sinister.

christopher, I just slaughtered an entire bus full of seniors on a gambling junket and ate their flesh and drank their medicated blood. Would you all pray for me? Thanks.

dr.zaius, so I should support the dehumanizing capitalist empire? Sheesh, and after I supported Al-Qaeda through buying my last stash.

Christopher said...

Randal -- You didn't BBQ them foirst to kill the pathogens???