Tuesday, March 2, 2010

There's always an upside

To depression? Duh. Except for, you know, those ubiquitous potential sources that actually stunt creation: work, school, home, the rest of you jerkoffs and a bunch of other junk that must remain secret for reasons of national security.

"Wow, that's, like, everything."

Like, I know, like, you know? Sorry, was busy assisting the future leaders of, like, America this morning. It's the seventh week of the semester and you don't know the name of your professor, your class, the class number, the textbook or any combination of the previous?

Stop it.
Stop it.
Stop it.
Stop it.

Of course, all this theorizing and rampant psychological speculation is rendered meaningless the second (if if if) LeBron says au revoir, suckers. Number one miserable city? Try negative one, or two or even *gasp* negative i.

What do I do? I don't know. Is there anyone who knows?

You'll pay, don't think you won't pay.


Übermilf said...

Those college kids are just looking for a father figure. They are going to you for love and support. You should keep a supply of warm cookies and cold milk on hand to make them feel good.

And you should say things like, "Way to go, sport!" and "Thatta girl!" and stuff.

You should try being a little more cuddly.

MRMacrum said...

Sorry Tim, I haven't a flippin clue what you do. But whatever it is, I am sure you are good at it. You have a commercial fercrisakes.

I've been looking for the upside to Depression for years. All I could come up with was only the cool dudes and dudettes are blessed by it's presence. Churchill and his black dog, Lincoln and his well,.... unfulfilled amorous inclinations - yeah, it's the gift that keeps on giving. And now I find that Chuck Evolution was lucky enough to enjoy it's overwhelming sense of loser-ness. Things are looking up.

sunshine said...

I don't have time to be depressed. I have 4 kids dammit!
Once I told my husband that I " couldn't" get out of bed. No way could I face the day.
Know what he said???
He said.. "Too bad. The kids need breakfast. Get up."

How's that for support? :P

Anyhoo... I'm with Ubie.. be nice to our babies at the college. You don't want us soccer Mom's coming in and yelling at you for being mean to our precious ones do you?


sunshine said...

Oh and I forgot...

"Like! Oh my gawd!!"

Sorry, I had to.... :P

Mauigirl said...

Interesting article. My take on it is that analytic tendencies can be good; but that depression in full-blown form is not good. My dad had it, and when he was truly, clinically depressed, he couldn't do anything and could not make decisions at all. When he wasn't in that state, he was highly analytical and an excellent writer. But the actual depression did not improve his performance.

David Barber said...

Randal, left a comment on your FFF entry. It's late I know. Can't commenton this American stuff...cos I aint got a clue about it. ;-)

La Belette Rouge said...

I LOVED-LOVED-LOVED this article. I only hope that this new view of depression ripples out into the clinical world. When I read it on Saturday I immediately forwarded to several ruminating/writing friends. I am even printing up a copy to take to Igor.

Randal Graves said...

übermilf, or how about I send those little shits outside to pull weeds and mow the lawn.

mrmacrum, hell, he's got about 75 of them. It's a good thing if you've got oodles of talent. For us shlubs, not so much.

sunshine, see, that's when you should have kicked him in the balls.

Since most soccer moms are either liquored up or popping pills by 9am, I'm not worried.

mauigirl, I was reminded of the hamburger example every Econ 101 class tosses out: those burgers are real tasty, but after awhile, the satisfaction derived from them diminishes rapidly. One thing to be depressed and functional.

david, oh man, is Tim Misney gonna make you pay, limey! ;-)

LBR, seriously, how can one be happy-fun-candy-cheerleader-joyful and write or be creative in any way? Maybe each wave of a pom pom releases a hallucinogenic mist.

Lisa said...

A reading assignment? Fine. But is it going to be on the test?

Tom Harper said...

That sentence in your first paragraph made me think of that pop-punk song from the '80s, "Birth School Work Death."

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

Have you considered traning them?



Holte Ender said...

I think future New Yorker Lebron James is at the bottom of all this depression talk.

S.W. Anderson said...

Depression? Randal, you need a change of venue — away from the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune like losing sports teams, riff-raff infested wheelie buses and clueless young library patrons, not to mention people looking to get in out of the weather.

I have two suggestions, one hot and one cold, the latter being home to one of comicdom's more-esoteric evildoers, Dredmund the Druid, for an added bit of eclectic panache.

Beach Bum said...

Sorry, was busy assisting the future leaders of, like, America this morning.

Had a collection of these future leaders (pre-med types) take a trip through the hospital once. After that I went home and threw away my copy of Idiocracy.

susan said...

I've always thought depression is a perfectly rational response to living in this culture. If I wasn't depressed I'd worry.

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Dr. Zaius said...

Jeepers! I wish that I was as depressed as Darwin. :o(

Randal Graves said...

lisa, tests are for fascists! Let's all be mellow, man.

tom, you saying that makes me think of the Ben Crazy sketch from Big Chuck and Little John.

tengrain, can't I just lock them outside?

holte, lalalalalaiamnotlistening.

SWA, is Dredmund by chance related to Mooselini?

BB, no matter what one does or talks about doing, it's gonna end bloody.

susan, exactement. I'm usually really depressed when I'm happy.

Ukraine in the membrane!

dr.zaius, he wasn't depressed, he got to eat all that delicious turtle soup.

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