Friday, March 12, 2010

It's magic!

















You have journeyed far to reach this wonderland of tomes and microfiche so lo when you arrive at the grand entrance of automatic doors and it doesn't automatically open after you have stood there motionless for fifteen seconds or more while carefully sculpting your righteous indignation face that would impress Donatello you have obviously failed to give the proper address of 'open sesame' but rest easy for after you do the automatic door will automatically open automatically don't worry about those goofy handles trust me you silly goose.

17 comments:

Übermilf said...

I hate John Stossel.

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

I know for a fact that you have waited for a Stop sign to turn green, so don't give me crap about waiting for a door to open.

Side note: I think everyone should chip in to buy you one of these.

Eat at Roy's!

Regards,

Tengrain

Mary Ellen said...

For some reason your post reminded me of this really stupid dog that lived next door to us that,after learning how to use the new doggie door they installed, thought he could go through anything and would run into the walls and doors as he tried to go outside.

I know...has nothing to do with this post but most of your posts don't have much to do with anything anyway. ;-)

Randal Graves said...

übermilf, you and me both.

tengrain, it's called being high. Sheesh.

Mmm...bottled soul....

nunly, fine, ignore the 8.7% that do. Hmph.

thatgirl said...

this is awesome.

Demeur said...

I have enough problems with those automatic sinks at the airport now this.

Tom Harper said...

I like the un-automatic doors that have "PUSH" or "PULL" clearly written on them. I do the opposite. I just love to stand there with my face twisted in fury while I'm pushing when the sign says "pull" or vice versa.

Gary Larsen took a picture of me doing that, and I'm forever immortalized in a famous Far Side cartoon.

David Barber said...

Randal, just to let you know I'm back but work has taken over things at the mo. Will get back on track with looking at your blog over the next few days mate. Bring on the 12th June.

Regards mate, David.

S.W. Anderson said...

Like Übermilf said.

Automatic doors? Costco is proof there's no need for no stinkin' automatic doors.

Liberality said...

I was at a library yesterday, (no not mine), and it had these automatic doors that opened automatically, of course. I was in a side room looking at their used and discarded books for sale and after a few minutes I got really annoyed by the swishing sound those doors made. Like how lazy are we anymore, we can't open a door? But I was really pissed when I couldn't find any good books to buy. Imagine that, they keep all the good books and try to sell us their left over crap! :~D

susan said...

Maybe they should have automatic windows in Wall St buildings for guys whose bonuses are more than $500.

Holte Ender said...

Didn't realize they had automatic doors in Renaissance Italy?

CJT said...

I can't believe you fell for that joke of mine again Randal! I mean come on, its like me telling you that stop signs with white around the edges are optional...

How many did you run that day???

MRMacrum said...

I have automatic doors now. And I was able to attain a higher level of righteous superiority by also using a green mean enviromentally clean method and stay currently hip at the same time.

I got rid of all my hinged doors and installed curtains. Okay, so I hung some beads on a couple of doors, but they are curtain-esque sorta. The only downside was having to amp up the thermostat this past winter. But what's a little extra oil consumed in the name of saving electricity? The way I figure it, it's just like the recent trend of the Carbon Credit Market.

Dr. Zaius said...

**hrumph** I save my righteous indignation face for the weekends.

Randal Graves said...

thatgirl, I'm not sure who are my favorites, these or the pre-opening pullers who try both sets of doors.

demeur, automatic sinks, automatic hand dryers, automatic toilets, automatic automats.

tom, that was you?

david, glad to have you back, and as much as I'd love to make a wager on that game, unless you're willing to give the Yanks three goals, it ain't happening.

SWA, if the automatic doors aren't working, this is why I suggest investing in a rocket launcher.

liberality, that's the whole thing. Look, I get that they're necessary for ADA compliance but if you're someone with four functioning limbs and presumably all of your motor skills at the ready, pull the fucking door open.

Ah, book sales. Ours is fed mostly by donations and the crap people give us: federal registries from 1970, textbooks from the late 50s. Once we have a novelization of Fast Times at Ridgemont High, I think. ;-)

susan, I was thinking trebuchets that toss humans instead of rocks, but that's fine, too.

holte, Da Vinci was more advanced than you think.

CJT, I obey all laws of this great nation, local, state and federal.

mrmacrum, beads? In addition to bike repair you also rent adult movies?

dr.zaius, it's the weekend, get indignant!

Beach Bum said...

Wait for the doors to open? Being true to my redneck heritage I walk straight into the doors smacking my nose and losing any nano-particle of dignity I might have.