Sunday, October 5, 2008

Pot pourri, l'édition de dimanche

"Time to kick back, drink some beers tea and smoke some weed work on ma présentation orale!"

Since it's the bye for my beloved bastards of brandishing buffoonery, I figured I'd do a little tubular hang ten in lieu of working myself up into a silent, testosterone-fueled internal frenzy. Don't worry, I'm still going to watch the non-Cleveland portion of the football schedule after the Man City/Liverpool soccer game -- take that, Old Europe!

You're welcome, fellow Murkan. Patriotism über alles!

Achtung! Das schützenfest sieben lieben, heh, heh!

Hey, get outta here, Nazi douchebag. Now, let's check the local, very heartlandy news, always mindnumbingly uninteresting. No, wait, this is eminently thrilling, captivating, even! I'm feeling Minnesota!

Fewer steel connectors on the Inner Belt Bridge than originally reported are severely deteriorated, but state engineers remain concerned and plan to do detailed tests.

Only two connectors, instead of 16, where the bridge's main truss meets the arch and the pier, cannot support the full weight on the bridge, according to data given Thursday to the Ohio Department of Transportation by Richland Engineering, which conducted the yearly inspection of the nearly 50-year-old span.

Nothing all that different from what other American cities are going through with their crumbling infrastructure, right? True, but the real gold lies in the riverbed of free speech.
Where are all the anti-Obama comments? After all, he's proposing spending on our roads and infrastructure.
Read on, intrepid soul, read on.
Actually, Obama will tell us how this is Bush's fault, the bridge was fine until the last 8 years!!!! Maybe he can add a new bridge onto his trillion dollar spending spree.
Lighten up, Francis. With your Ole Perfesser Singularity Black Ops Hover Technology, only effete, arugula-eating homersexuals ever die in a bridge collapse.
Obama will issue you a house,car and health care. Obama will determine your diet and make sure you watch state run television. OPRAH and MSNBC. Your kids will be sent to state run schools and taught to have responsible sex. Why dont we just get rid of our flag and replace it with a red flag with a yellow star in the middle. Just call me Vladomir from now on.

Yes, their vote counts the same as mine. No, I don't always assume pseudonymous internets commentary is done from a position ironically masquerading as irony. Yes, I try not to think about it. No, I cannot help myself. Yes, that makes me drink more. No, I prefer to be in a swishy stupor. Yes, thank you for your concern.

"Don't forget about your homework, pretend scholar."

Yes, brain, I haven't forgotten.

Oh, merde.

"Just picture everyone in their underwear."

French underwear?

"Not everyone looks like her, dude. Why you yourself are ugly as hell."

But I can do a passable Randal Graves impression. That's gotta count for something, right?

"Sure. Whatever makes you feel better."



Karen Zipdrive said...

If I had to choose one phrase to sum up every Republican in America it would be douche bags.
Enough said.

Candace said...

Speak English!
Ya anti-Murkin commie pinko libral.

DivaJood said...

So, let me understand this: if Obama wins, then the Bridge will collapse? Because I got some arugula at the Farmer's Market yesterday? WTF?

Border Explorer said...

I'm more than happy to wear French underwear if it will promote scholarship. Also if it will make me look like the person in that photo.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

I think the French is a master stroke. I try to stick as much Spanish as I can up there on my posts for the same reason. I really want to get under the skin of any Big Pink People who lurk at HELL.

I bought the Learning Tree disks for both Hebrew and Arabic last spring thinking that when hockey season was over, I'd practice because they are both pretty useful languages to have down here, but I was too lazy.

The Hebrew would serve me no good as a ball-buster for Big Pink People because Barbie has announced how much she loves Israel, but if I got OK at Arabic as well, I could really light 'em up! [THAT WAS A JOKE, MUKASEY!]

Anonymous said...

Oh, merde. Wait. Obama is going to give out cars like OPRAH?

Randal Graves said...

karen, isn't there a site dedicated to that,

candace, nein, ich sprechen deutsch!

diva, well obviously. His minions will go around with Care Bears filled with arugula and plastique. Hide them under the arches and kaboom! 'cause he's a turrist, learned that from Ayers.

BE, oh it will. When I put on my silk boxers, I suddenly look like Brad Pitt. It's great.

kelso, I'd reply, but I think Mukasey is watching. Oh, what the hell. Speaking of hell, your site and dcups, the damn youtubes always freeze your respective places up when I'm at home. I think DHS is fucking with my crappy connection.

I'd love to learn Arabic, but I think I'm too stupid to go from right to left while trying out a non-latin alphabet. So good luck with that. ;-)

dcup, only if you jump up and down on the couch proclaiming your love for Scientology.

Utah Savage said...

Catherine Deneuve right? The film? Belle de jour. My prize?

Anonymous said...

"There ya go with that Frenchie stuff again. It amazes me that you don't have their blue, white and red flag flying up there. Real original... heh heh."

George Bush - in response to Randal Graves' post...

Non, Je ne regrette rien said...

Only 2 of the connectors are useless instead of 16. Bridge, heal thyself! Sarah *Fundie* Palin's prescription for all our woes.

I'm shopping for french underwear. FOR REAL!

(by the way, how was Wreckless Eric & Amy Rigby?) ((Inquiring minds and all ...))

KELSO'S NUTS said...


Check out Hell now. Apparently there was someone from WASSILLA reading my latest anti-Palin post. The Boss was thrilled.

I saw Wreckless Eric at Dingwall's in London in 1982 and have the "Big Smash" CD back in NYC. And a green vinyl of the first one with Take The Cash and Walking On The Surface Of The Moon.

OK, I'm about to dive into NHL analysis. Should be ready by the North American drop on Oct 9. I haven't SEEN a single game of HOCKEY SOBRE HIELO on TV in years although I've bet them every day and have followed the NHL, Euro leagues and international competitions very closely.

I have problems with the youtubes on the internets myself sometimes.

American Hill BIlly said...

You cannot go wrong with half naked chicks in your post. It does beat all.

I don't really know how to feel about Bush with Visine spills. I don't think the monster is capable of anything real.

United In Peace And Freedom

MRMacrum said...

A fine line exists in my imagination between visualizing everyone with their underwear on and visualizing them naked. That's why that technique never worked for me. A slip of a synaptic connection could make me go from the smiling confident speaker to a pathetic mass of trembling uselessness. White boys like me were not raised to see more than one, maybe two naked bodies at a time. And then only from the safety of the pages of a magazine or I guess now days the safety of the Internet. I hear there's lots of naked people on the Internet.

pissed off patricia said...

Yeah, okay, sure, now can we talk about football teams that won yesterday?

Übermilf said...

I want to hide under my bed again.

Dean Wormer said...

Why dont we just get rid of our flag and replace it with a red flag with a yellow star in the middle. Just call me Vladomir from now on.

I'm thinking that guy sounds more like a "Natascha."

Liberality said...

bridge to nowhere vs. self healing bridges? I think I'll take the self healing bridge for 500 please.

La Belette Rouge said...

Perhaps it is better to imagine all your fellow students as George Bush in French underwear. Hope the studying is going well!

Sal Kilmister said...

Golly Gee there Randal, is that the old Black Lodge ya got on the old photo screen? Let me know. - Sarah

Christopher said...

I saw a picture of Catherine Deneuve recently and she looked breathtakingly beautiful.

Not altered or pumped full of Botox or Restalyn -- just naturally lovely and epic.

Really one of the great film beauties ever and a good, pro-gay, animal rights liberal.

Tom Harper said...

Multiple choice question. Dumbya is crying in that picture because:

a) He feels terrible about thousands of Iraqi war deaths;

b) He feels the pain of millions of people who are about to lose everything they own;

c) There's no more Jim Beam in the liquor cabinet.

susan said...

One of the reasons we left Providence years ago was because the infrastructure had been failing for 20 years or more. Now all we have left for fixing the stuff is 700 billion matchsticks.. pre-burned.

Anajo/Anijo/JoAnn said...

I am attempting to understand this post through the eyes of an arugula-eating terrorist.

Quel horreur!

Anajo/Anijo/JoAnn said...

And what's this about pot? I'm interested.

S.W. Anderson said...

You've no doubt heard of "A Bridge Too Far." Just looking at that photo of the Inner Belt Bridge, I'd say it's a Bridge to Fear.

American Hill BIlly said...

Tom said a funny!

Randal Graves said...

utah, your prize? I will continue blogging. Hey, watch it, those rotten vegetables can hurt!

spartacus, don't choke on your freedom fries, Murkan!

JNRR, now that's something one loves to hear! Speaking of things one doesn't love to hear, well, um, you see, I, er, um, didn't go :-(

kelso, really? Now that's hilarious!

I know yahoo -, too? - shows footage online. It doesn't sound like you guys even get highlights on the teevee down there.

AHB, maybe we'll all wake up and realize we've been having a mass delusion.

mrmacrum, please, please do NOT buy into the rumors about the internets. I haven't seen one naked person in the tubes. Not one. Government propaganda.

As for the underwear/naked issue, most certainly never the latter simply because one cannot always control whom one visualizes and if it's someone you don't want to, then you end up stopping before you begin, leaving class, gaining an F as you sprint to the nearest bar to wash away the horrible image with a tall glass of something frosty.

POP, you mean like Washington and the N.Y. Giants? Sure!

übermilf, are you mad? That's where the terrorists are!

dean, casting aspersions at Murkan patriots. Typical.

liberality, if you'd stop being a dirty hippie, you wouldn't have anything to worry about.

LBR, you can be extremely cruel.

sal, where do you think I hang the moose heads?

christopher, yeah, Brigitte Bardot she ain't!

tom, HA! I mean, A. No one is affected more than George. Pickles herself told us that.

susan, 700 billion burnt matchsticks? Well, we could probably build a replica city for action figures.

anajo, don't bother, I don't understand half of my posts. I didn't say anything about pot. That's right, DHS, nothing at all.

SWA, hey, 7/8ths of it is still in pristine condition. All bridges are. Minnesota was an anomaly, like all bad things.

AHB, he should go on tour!

Candace said...

Pissed Off Patricia - oh yes!! I forgot to mention>