Wednesday, October 8, 2008

My friends

Oh, my head. I really picked the wrong phrase to drink on. Frankly, this particular bastardization of a pseudo-town hall style faux debate wasn't as electrifying as last week mainly because --

wait, what is this that stands before me?

Oh, nooooooooo! It is alive!

"Don't mind me, Senator, just taking the necessary precautions."

"Shit, was Reagan my hero? Or Teddy? No, it was Hoover. He knew how to have a cool hand at the tiller."

"I don't care that you both want followups. I'm the leader here, I'm important, me, me, me!"

"My friends, for five and half years I couldn't do the robot. "

"We need a commission on Cold Wars to do the things that are necessary. We will bring the troops home with honor after their victory against Medicare."

"My friends, bomb Iran, I was only joking with a fellow veteran. Like this one time, ho yes, there was this woman who walked into a bar and a gorilla raped her, ho yes."

"My friends, bargle fargle Russians Georgias wingle dingle Taliban Osama man oingo boingo -- look! A gold-plated Cadillac earmark!"

"My friends, do you really want to vote for a terrorist-lov -- oh, shit, this isn't a Republican audience. Hey, where's the bathroom?"


Anonymous said...

I have an alternate quote for Obama/McCain pic number two, where the love in their greeting is just oozing out:

McCain to Obama:

I'm going to bury you tonight you uppity %$#@&r!

I bleeped out the last word in recognition of the fact that this is a designated family site.

Christopher said...

Those short, Thalidomide, cretin arms the Old Coot has really freaks me out.

He's like something from a sci-fi movie.

Candace said...

Christopher, just FYI - those arms were injured when he crashed in Vietnam, not, as he lets people report year after year, not by being tortured in a Vietnamese prison. (Although he *was* tortured.)

Randal, once again you've captured all the important nuances of the debate. Nicely done. :)

La Belette Rouge said...

Oh, my friend, that was not the right term to choose for your drinking game unless it was your intentioned to get sh*t faced!

ROFL @ "My friends, for five and half years I couldn't do the robot. " But, as he is the Manchurian candidate he has been doing the robot for years to compensate for his horrible confinement when he was forbidden to dance. That is a white man who was born to dance!

Dean Wormer said...

Is that pick with Obama looking over McCain's shoulder for real?

So cool.

President Obama. Done deal.

Randal Graves said...

spartacus, he probably had C-word take his suit to the dry cleaners right after the gig. And thank you for keeping clean, little children might be reading this blog. Someone has to think of them.

christopher, he really is and it was so pronounced every time he got up and walked towards Brokaw. If he wasn't such a fucking tool, I might almost feel sorry for the dude.

candace, hey, it's American pretzeldenting, theatre of the absurd. ;-)

LBR, I didn't think he'd say it THAT much!

But now we've found your guy who CAN dance to architecture!

dean, ripped them all from yahoo. They usually toss up a few hundred whenever there's a big event. I had to get some before Tengrain stole all the good ones ;-)

thailandchani said...

LOL!! Very good! I couldn't believe it when McCain started channeling Reagan with his Cold War-style Russia-bashing.


Übermilf said...

If McCain loses the debate, it's Clinton's fault.

Dr. Zaius said...

I don't get it - McCain wants to do what with Hoover's tiller?

Dr. Zaius said...

Ha! Good one, Übermilf!

okjimm said...

My friend... you break me up!
McCain seemed like he was addressing Alzheimers patients at a nursing home.

I don't think he has a steady hand on his own tiller. That is Cindy's job.

Christopher said...

Yeah, poor Johnny "POW" McCain.

He may well have been injured and even tortured but according to elderly Vietnamese men who were there, the goal of the Cong was to humiliate McCain's admiral daddy and by extension, the USA and not harm the son.

His captors also procured hookers for McCain to satisfy himself so while his stay wasn't Las Vegas, it wasn't all bad.

I have zero compassion for the Old Coot and his war saga. When people suffer greatly, more often than not, the experience deepens their humanity and makes them better people. In McCain's case, he just became more narcissistic, more self-absorbed and more selfish.

DivaJood said...

I blame the loose and unbranded calfs.

Tom Harper said...

I played the same drinking game: A swig of bourbon every time McCain said "my friends." My head is still pounding.

Mauigirl said...

Luckily I gave up drinking or I'd be here with a hangover too.

Great summary of the debate, Randal - if someone hadn't watched it, they can come here and get the gist of it!

Randal Graves said...

thail, well, there you go again. Oops, forgot the 'my friends.' These old folks do love them some Cold War, no?

übermilf, "my friends, let me repeat. I did not have relations with Cundy."

dr. zaius, you bastard. Where's the BrainWash?

okjimm, the nurses stole my money!

christopher, he's certainly failed on the "I'll learn from my experiences" part of the exam.

diva, animal hater.

tom, I'm glad I'll be at work for the last one, don't have to worry about waking up with a skull throbbing in pain.

Randal Graves said...

mauigirl, I try to distill the long-winded answers and cycle of repetition down to their component parts. Although I can't believe I forgot the tax-and-spend liberal shtick. Guess it's become background noise like a passing car.

Border Explorer said...

Catching the recap here--replete with snarkiness--is so much better than watching the actual debate. headache! Thanks, Randal!

DivaJood said...

At least I don't shoot animals from helicopters.

Sal Kilmister said...

I played a much worse drinking game. I had a shot of Vodka every time McTurd was an ass. I passed out 20 minutes in.
Great glass Randal.

Randal Graves said...

BE, trying to come up with at least mildly comical lines gave me a headache!

diva, would shooting those stupid talking stuffed animals count?

sal, bloody hell man, you could have died three times over!

okjimm said...

// At least I don't shoot animals from helicopters //

Diva, I thought of shooting right-wing assholes from a helicopter, but mine was repossessed after my bankruptcy. Bummer.

Randal Graves said...

Your gun or your helicopter? You still have your Harrier jet, right?

Liberality said...

"my friends"-that old fart is NOT my friend. he wants to cut all social programs so we can have more for war department and more socialism for the rich.

susan said...

I spent last evening at the hospital waiting for numb's surgeon to give me good news. He did. Between the crowded cafeteria and the waiting room I ended up watching the debate with a lot of different people many of whom laughed and derided McCain and listened respectfully to Obama. It seemed a good sign to me.

btw - Calling Americans 'friends' was an old Reagan schtick.

Utah Savage said...

Oingoboingo it was groovy beary bearly sover yet? Will somebody wake me when I'm sober?

Randal Graves said...

liberality, hey, if it wasn't for those billions for your war department, we'd all be speaking Arabic. Which might be a good thing 'cause then they could hire some translators to decipher the next attack.

susan, glad there's good news on the hospital front, and the political. Who knows, I might be wrong and maybe Barack Hussein X will win by a theft-proof margin.

Oh wait, your hospital isn't in Ohio, nevermind.

utah, before or after the nukyular suitcase bombs that are hiding underneath everyone's bed go off?

MRMacrum said...

McCain's pretty Fly for a White Guy.

Excellent critique of a real yawner of a debate. The robot comment, classic.

American Hill BIlly said...

Great! It looked like in many pictures Obama was playing Waldo! Now all we need is the talking picture album; with McCain Saying "that one". That one there!

United In Peace And Freedom

Betty C. said...

Thanks for making me laugh. I'm having trouble not feeling sick even with the polls looking so good. Would that the election were tomorrow...