Thursday, October 9, 2008

Escape is impossible













"My fellow prisoners, root for us. Wouldn't it be fun sticking it to The Man via bad ratings?"

I just know it's going to be Boston-Los Angeles so we can get clubbed over the head with heartwarming stories of just how super-de-duper The Greatest Manager In The History Of Baseball is, side by side with the down-n-dirty paparazzi-esque Manny Just Being Manny vs. The Red Sux Nation. Pardonnez-moi, je dois vomir.

The above is why Cthulhu invented the volume knob.

Tampa Bay vs. Boston: With Wicked Lester -- good job, Captain Hairpiece, that would've been a much cooler band name than Kiss. Oops, KISS®. Don't wanna get sued -- teaming up with postseason star Josh Beckett and an offense that's not as reliant on Earl Weaver-style baseball anymore, the fun train comes to a stop for what might be the second best team in baseball. Boy, does that sound familiar. Red Sox in 6.

Philadelphia vs. Los Angeles: Yeah, yeah, I know the Dodgers went 19-8 in their last 27 games and mercilessly slaughtered a Cubs team that never even showed up and that Ramirez had an OPS of 1.232 in 53 games in Dodger blue -- gee, maybe he did dog it a bit in Bah-ston. I also know that my best friend is paralyzed with lust for Cole Hamels every fifth day and that I'll never hear the end of it from her if I don't pick the Phillies and since I don't even know any Dodger fans, safety first. Plus they did --

"Stop italicizing everything!"

-- win a far tougher division. Phillies in 7.

21 comments:

La Belette Rouge said...

Um, go team, I guess. It is a sports post you know I cannot come up with anything. Oh, I know! Why are there no cheerleaders for baseball? Is it because baseball sucks and is deadly boring and the only reason to go to a game is to eat a hot dog and drink a beer? I am just asking.

Candace said...

What she said.

Christopher said...

I wonder if Steinbrenner is on suicide watch right now?

I hope so. Asshole.

MRMacrum said...

No predictions. The Rays are gonna be tough. As a Red Sox fan, I know better than to get even the slighest bit confident. But if they get to the Series, I'd give em 50/50 odds on winning.

Randal Graves said...

LBR, I'll overlook your obvious pro-communist leanings and return your query: if baseball is so boring, wouldn't there be more of a need for babes in hotpants, you communist?

candace, boo to you too, Mrs. Stalin!

christopher, he definitely will be if the Sox win a second straight title!

mrmacrum, if I was in your shoes, I would feel the same way, but if I didn't make predictions, I'd have 8.2% less post and that would be very communistic.

La Belette Rouge said...

I extrapolate from your argument that then football and basketball are the most boring sports. Hmm, something to consider. But, hey, gold and bowling don't have cheerleaders.

And, hey, I eat arugula and tarte tartin. Doesn't that mean I am a middle class elitist American?

Is it my red shoes, red hair and red lips that provoked your McCarthy like suspicions or was it my open disdain for the men who cannot figure out that summer ended long ago and that chewing and scratching are not cute?

Randal Graves said...

Then I will extrapolate even further, while twisting the argument beyond the realms of normalcy, that the silliest of all is a woman shopping for lingerie, since there's nothing but lingerie and not even a sport to mock.

Golf isn't a sport and really, bowling isn't either since there's nothing athletic about chucking a ball down some 2x4s and summer only ended a few weeks ago which is not long. Unless you're poring over your 401k. I'm glad I have no money. Ha ha, Randal wins!

You got me on the chewing part if you're referring to tobacco and/or sunflower seeds or whatever it is these jokers are munching on. And let us not forget the accompanying spitting. What the hell is with that.

But scratching? That itch won't scratch itself!

The red is fine, I love red. If I didn't, I'd lose my Manchurian status - oops, I've said too much.

La Belette Rouge said...

Is confusion your primary debate technique?"the silliest of all is a woman shopping for lingerie, since there's nothing but lingerie and not even a sport to mock." I think my brain just exploded. Would you mind explaining?

I think an argument could be made that all sports that are televised( no the Olympics and Nascar don't count) involve men chucking a ball around. But, in your ontology of sports if it is a game that either Joe Sixpack or his boss who lost all his money in the stock market can play---it is then not a real sport. Is that right? You are against the individual man, against capitalism and hence it is you that is the communist.

Randal Graves said...

You honestly want me to explain something I said? If I did that, I'd have to back up my argument with facts and that's just silly.

A communist? Moi? The individual sports such as tennis are the province of the anarchist, the bomb-thrower, the destroyer of society. The sporting field is shared with another. The team sports are extremely capitalist, none more so than football. The offensive line is the worker - the lowest paid and the grunt - and we march all the way up to the quarterback, the CEO, all a well-oiled machine designed to capture the territory of the other.

God Bless America.

So, think I've got a future in politics? If you say yes, I might cry. ;-)

La Belette Rouge said...

My fellow prisoner, I won't say that you do and I won't say that you don't. But, if you don't want to get an email from Mr. Maverick I would delete your last comment.;-)

Randal Graves said...

If I shoot a moose, do you think they'll call it even? ;-)

La Belette Rouge said...

Whatever you do, do not shoot a moose. I think with your foreign language skills and the ability to see a communist via an email might put you in the running for Secretary of State. The moose killing would move you to the top of the list.

Randal Graves said...

Well, McFossil does long for the Cold War. Perhaps I can bring down their evil GOP empire from the inside. Now if I can only find a way to speed up the clock so work will be over. A curse upon you, timekeeper of the proletariat!

Dusty said...

At least baseball resumes today...sigh.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

RANDAL: I'm not mixing into this polemic of yours. I just want it on record that in order as a fan, I love: baseball, ice hockey, boxing, golf, football, cricket, basketball, soccer, and tennis. Of the animal sports: thoroughbred racing, greyhound racing, hare coursing, cock fighting, harness racing, "la mosca" (think flies and sugar cubes), "el cangrejo" (think a blue crab and a circle divided up into 16 wedges), and the chicken-drop (listen to the Mojo Nixon song).

I love the Mets as you know and Christopher will be happy to know that I'm not sure whether I prefer a Mets win or a Yankees loss.

I made my entire year betting the Tampa Bay Rays at 50/1 to win the division, 95/1 to win the pennant and OVER every win total from 72 through 79 at the limit at every place in the western hemisphere. I've come to love that team but I'll be hedged out against the Sawx and more or less indifferent to the outcome.

Fun fact about the Rays: they are the only team in baseball with two bona-fide intellectuals on it -- David Price LHP academic scholarship to Vanderbilt, BA in Sociology, Fernando Perez CF, BA in American Studies and Creative Writing from Columbia University.

I'll give you that Cliff Lee had the best year, but I think Jamie Shields is a better pitcher. And you have every right to feel completely violated by that awful trade. Either best or 2nd best LHP in baseball for three total no hope stiffs. The guy's young, too. Don't you do what the Mets did with Santana and just give him whatever he wants, and try to move Lee instead? I feel shitty for you because I like the Indians and now they have a mess on their hands. Lee is what he is, a finesse lefty. Won't ever do this again. They destroyed Carmona's arm, just the way they destroyed Sowers's arm the year before. Plenty of hitting even if Hafner's finished but they are going to have to invent some starting pitching, son.

Distributorcap said...

what is a phillie? are the dodgers draft dodgers? isnt sox misspelled?

important baseball questions

Spartacus said...

Bah! Come Monday night... Giants 5-0. Browns 1-4

MRMacrum said...

I just found out John McCain's middle name is Sidney. That explains a lot, don't you think?

Randal Graves said...

kelso, flies, sugar cubes and blue crabs? Methinks I'm going to have to hit The Google.

The Mets never bothered me really, just the Yankees. Must be a league thing and winning 90+ for what seems to be my entire adult life!

I'm with you on the Shields thing. No question that Lee was the best pitcher in the AL this year, but long term, I'm going with the Ray. He's got three years on him, a better - all these career - ERA+, lower opponents' OPS, K/BB and K/9.

I liked the Rays' future, but it's obviously arrived a year early and no one really had a career year. And if you look at third order wins, I believe they were either second or third in MLB behind Boston.

Man, I don't even want to talk about Sabathia and Carmona. ;-)

dcap, the only draft dodgers in American history were Wavy Gravy and Bill Clinton.

spartacus, hey, if your Gints can knock off 18-0, then we can win a regular season game. We just won't.
This week.

mrmacrum, "Ha ha, look, it's Sidney."

"SHUT UP! I'll show you, I'll become a maverick of hypocrisy and run a sleazy campaign for pretzeldent! Then who'll be laughing? MUAHAHAHAHAAHA!"

KELSO'S NUTS said...

RANDAL: I only realized last night that you were a SABR gearhead like me. Good point about TB's buried wins. I had factored all of that in. For example, even last year with an era near 6.00, Andy S. was in the top 10 AL pitchers because of his amazing control, the groundballs, and the strikeouts he gets with 3 different pitches even though he doesn't break 88 with his fastball. The whole team is very, very patient. GM Drew Friedman and manager Joe Maddon are totally down with SABR and ratings so they have every hitter take a lot of pitches, run very deep counts, walk a ton, but be always be willing to swing at something they like late in the count and if they K, so what?

They have amazing isolated power. Extremely smart baserunning. Best SB/CS in majors. Most extra bases taken on hits and outs in MLB.

Most importantly, they have by far the best fielding team in MLB. Nobody without ratings would know this but Jason Bartlett is the best fielding SS since the Wizard. Bartlett's worst year fielding was better than Vizquel's best.

Pena's great. Aki's great. Longo is not that fast but his reflexes are enough to make him a good fielder but it hardly matters playing next to Bartlett. Navarro's good. Crawford's excellent in LF. Upton's a good CF. Perez is amazing. Weak in RF defensively.

Pitchers all have great control, of course.

I so feel your pain about CLE pitching. They have such a great core team. I figured because DET was old, CLE would dominate the central. U got he best CF in BB except maybe for Beltran. Tons of pop at every position. I like all the young catchers giving Martinez a break to DH or play 1B. The only rag in the CLE lineup is Cabrera. Cuban hitters are so overrated it's ridiculous.

Look, in 2004, I cried twice within an 8 hour period: when Kerry came out on stage dressed up for a performance of March Of The Wooden Soldiers because I knew then we were stuck with Chimpy again. Then the next morning when I saw the Mets had traded Scott Kazmir for Victor (NOT CARLOS!) Zambrano!

DivaJood said...

PHILLIES IN FOUR.