Friday, October 31, 2008

The Frighteners

"It's Halloween, don't fall asleep! Muahahahaha!"

"But we want 'em to fall sleep, Freddy. Easier ta steal their stuff, heh, heh."

"I was being facetious, you stupid fucker."

"You gots a Facebook? I gots a Facebook, too!"

"Dick, you are his father. *hhhhhohhhhhe* He's giving the rest of us supervillains a bad name. *hhhhhohhhhhe* You will rectify this."

"Grrr. GRRR!"

"Sith. *hhhhohhhhhe* Even Leatherface makes more sense and he's a mute. *hhhhhohhhhhe* Wait, what is that noise? Myers! --

*heavy breathing*

-- that's intergalactic copyright infringement! *hhhhhohhhhhe* I was doing that before --

"No, No, NO! *hhhhhohhhhhe* Hussein, you ignorant Stormtrooper, Jedi Mind Tricks take years of experience. *hhhhhohhhhhe* Johnny, show him how it's done."

"They aren't the ticket you're looking for."

"Mumble, mumble, what a tool, mumble, mumble. *hhhhhohhhhhe* Leatherface, take this worthless rabble out, I've got an Empire to run. Did I pay the cable bill?"




"Gosh darnit, Darth, the force is strong in this one, doggone it!"

Yeah, I know the Dark Lord of the Sith isn't as Halloweenie as the other maniacs pictured here, but be glad you got a fucking post out of me today at all. Well, time to go home, take the lunatic offspring out then return for the annual rite of watching my favorite horror flick while downing some adult beverages that will hopefully lead to slaughter, mayhem, cannibalism and all the other spooky crap we're obligated to do in honor of The Great and Terrible Lord of Monsterdom.

Our kids asked us why we never get dressed up. I told them I go as a lazy bum. My sometimes better half rolled her eyes. I suggested we go as pimp and prostitute. After more eye rolling, she said sure, but only if she could be the pimp. I said hell no, I ain't shaving these sexy gams.

Happy Halloween, especially to all you pagans who'll be dancing naked around a big bonfire. Watch out for flying embers. If we don't up the rates of procreation, the Invisible Caliphate will win and make us all get gay married in between abortions and persecuting Christians.

And that is something truly scary.


Dusty said... son's birthday is today..

Try dealing with that every year. ;p

La Belette Rouge said...

Happy Halloween. If your wife talks you into her suggested costume I want you to post the pictures of you and your hairless gams in high Lucite heels.

I am dressing up as Belette the Boujelais wine drinking weasel. No costume required.

Oh, and, you did the impossible you found a bad picture of Obama. The force is strong with you to be able to do that.

okjimm said...

Oh, wow... the original! Good Choice! Bubba just turned me on to a new flick... have to see if I can find it tonight.... "Zombie Strippers". I have a whole buncha singles. Can't wait.

susan said...

I've got the frying pan nicely heated and a fresh dozen awaiting your arrival on the doorstep. Unless, of course, you'd prefer to step inside for the Brubeck and libation.

Utah Savage said...

Susan you're trying to seduce Tengrain aren't you. And I just bought a bottle of Scotch for him.

Randal I too want to see you as the hooker and your wife as the pimp. I'll pay for pictures. I'm not saying what I'd pay with, but I'd pay.

Liberality said...

Happy Halloween and may your kids get tons of candy to satisfy their cravings. As for your cravings, well, I guess that's up to you and the wifey and whatever roll playing you two are up to ;)

susan said...

Utah, the more the merrier. Come on over :-)

Swinebread said...

I love that Riff Randle was in Halloween!

S.W. Anderson said...

So, it's pagans dancing naked around the bonfire. And here, I thought it was just a bunch of AIG execs doing their party-hardy warmup exercises.

BTW, doesn't Cheney look like the quintessential butler who did it?

Non, Je ne regrette rien said...

just thought I'd let you know that in France, we don't need no stinkin' Halloween to dance naked around the bonfire... *sashays off*

Christopher said...

Cheney must love Halloween.

I mean, he doesn't even need a mask or a costume to go trick-or-treating and everywhere he goes, the children scream and run away in terror.

Randal Graves said...

dusty, now that is scary. ;-)

LBR, unless someone slipped ecstasy or LSD in my drink, ain't ever gonna happen.

I'm glad I came across that, he really does project defiant evil there. All pretzeldential candidates are capable of that, except diva, bien sûr.

okjimm, with Robert Englund and Jenna Jameson? I haven't seen that, so let us know if it's a B- C- D- or Z-grade horror flick!

susan, passing out fried eggs to rugrats or jazz and spirits? I'll take the latter.

utah, does something photoshopped count? Will I still get paid?

liberality, they made out like the proverbial bandits which was surprising given how crap the economy is. The only role I played last night was Guy Falling Asleep During Movie. ;-)

swinebread, hey, she's still around, how about a Halloween Rock n' Roll High School flick!

SWA, I bet that's one of the options at those taxpayer-funded retreats. Just dial 9 and the pound sign.

As for Cheney, don't butlers usually tried to hide their guilt? Unka Dick looks ready to eat a live baby.

JNRR, that's it. I'm moving to France.

christopher, I can picture it now. Kid knocks on the door, Cheney opens it up and instead of a plastic pumpkin full of Milky Ways and Three Musketeers, the bloody, leftover stumps of his dinner.

Christopher said...


I always thought Dick and Lynne eat little children.

It keeps them young and living to 150 years of age.

How else do you explain Fatty having four heart attacks, and he still smokes Marlboros and eats battered and fried opinion rings and he won't die?

Betty C. said...

Frightenin' isn't workin', so I guess in your parts, they're a goin' straight to the big guy himself:

Randal Graves said...

christopher, I always assumed biomechanical manbot, but you might be right.

betty, shit, if Jesus has it in the bag for McPOW, why vote? I'll just stay home and watch teevee.