Saturday, October 11, 2008

I don't know what I'm doing

Some days I can deal with writer's block because it's expected the way as a Cleveland sports fan I expect my teams to find new and exciting ways of snatching, well, you know the rest. I don't like it, I never have, and I probably compensate with far too much brooding and mental self-flagellation -- once I tried it the physical way. Man, you fucking Medieval religious nutballs were fucking nutballs -- laced with the occasional glass of spirits.

When it comes to the tubes, however, its inherently short-term nature heightens the misery. Oh sure, it'll pass with greater speed, but the intensity is worse. That's a lie, but it helps this post sound more impressive than the mishmash of crap from my skull that it actually is. And one can only fall back on YouTubes so often.

"It's okay to go a day without posting."

But then I'll have to compensate with earning my paycheck.

Oh, well. Let's peruse the news.
Searching for fancy views.
Buying what we choose.
Betcha the Browns will lose.

Yeah, well, the Blue Jackets didn't! And that was in Dallas. Rick Nash coming through bigtime in OT (and being +1!), young man Jakub Voracek getting a goal and an assist in a shade over 9 minutes of ice-time were all good things, but the Stars notching three even-strength goals -- two of them in a 33-second span in the third -- wasn't, but I'll take it.

Yay, Phillies won! Brett Myers 3-3 with 2 runs and 3 RBI?

Boo, Red Sox won! Evan Longoria one for his last sixteen?

World powers pledge yabba dabba doo. World powers fall!

Oh, what the hell.

Oh, you kids and your rock and/or roll protesting, it's so cute. Is virtual flag burning a crime? If so, is there a statue of limitations on said crime?

What's this? Another victory for Teh Gay? Shit, if this bizarro world interpretation of what constitutes freedom of choice spreads to the Buckeye State, well, my wife and I are going to have to get divorced and begin a life underground, plotting to overthrow the government in activist, Molotov cocktail ways while engaging in the homersexual agenda -- I love when loonies take a completely innocuous word better suited for boring staff meetings that consist of pages of doodling and spirited attempts at fighting off sleepytime and invest it with layer upon layer of nefarious blasphemy born in the deepest pits of Tartarus. They have *gasp* an agenda! -- because that's what happens when you permit people to get married for love instead of for peer or family pressure, dowries, political reasons and the ubiquitous 'tradition.'

Speaking of my sometimes-better half, I'll have finished a section --

"A section of what? You can't assume everyone knows what the hell you're talking about."

-- will read it, and be partially saturated with sentiments vaguely reminiscent of pride. Am I supposed to chant USA! USA! here? Anyway, I'll reread the thing a day or two later and realize what a melodramatic piece of obvious trash it is, show it to my wife who'll give her usual response of it's good I like it wherein I proceed to ask her in a thoroughly gentlemanly way why she never offers any constructive criticism to which she replies what's the point because I like it, to which I say I don't believe you and then she'll go, the texture of her increasingly irritated tone becoming jagged, you wouldn't listen to it anyway, and I say what's that supposed to mean, you know damn well what it means, why because I'll get all tortured artist?, her silent glare, I call her a trollop, then she calls me a cunt, then I sleep on the couch.

I'd pull my hair out if it wasn't so precious in it's gently disappearing state. But at least I make up for it by the additional greys in the mutton chops.

"If you'd have screwed up at Fredericksburg like he did, well, you're already ugly."

Speaking of other ugly Americans besides General Burnside and myself, rage, rage against the dying of the white!

Looks like I picked the wrong week to --

-- and dip into the well a second time, but I ask your forgiveness as I'm not very bright. Must be all the things I didn't stop doing.

'Cause I'm Manchurie, yes I'm the real Manchurie
All you other Manchuries are just counterfeit Barrys
So won't the real Manchurie please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

One more thing. All you graduate research assistants? You should probably be able to do basic research. Don't be a glue sniffer, okay?


Stay tuned next week for another exciting episode of Randal Uses A Lot Of Words To Say Absolutely Nothing! Goodbye, kids! Au revoir! Auf wiedersehen!


Agi said...

Lloyd Bridges rules.

Unconventional Conventionist said...

Let's see, where to begin?


Turns out I got nothing.

Übermilf said...

It's just as well you write meaningless drivel because I don't read it anyways.

DivaJood said...

PLEASE, RANDAL, NOT MEANINGLESS DRIVEL! The Phillies in 4 is NOT meaningless drivel.

As for the rest of it, geeze, that woman who said she read about Obama and he's an Ay-rab? What has she been reading?

Randal Graves said...

agi, he should have received an Oscar for his performance here.

UC, then you are always welcome here!

übermilf, that's okay, I don't read it either.

diva, okay, I'll grant you the Phillies in four is extremely non-drivelly, but you've never seen The Big Book Of Famous Ay-rabs? He's on page 23.

Mauigirl said...

The Arab thing was probably in one of those scurrilous e-mails the rightwing nutjobs send out and get forwarded to umpteen people. Sometimes some unsuspecting person forwards drivel like that to me and they get an earful back.

Randal, even if you have writers block your posts are always great!

susan said...

randal with writer's block is still better than the msm.

Candace said...

Randal, that is one great post! You da man.

Distributorcap said...

i am still stuck on the fact you wore polyester --- and i thought anyone who spoke french had class..

and dont call me shirley

Anonymous said...

mmmmm mutton chops.......aahhhhhh.

Beach Bum said...

I'm surprised my mother-in-law didn't call me over the old woman's comment Arab comment at the Mccain rally. She believes all that trash and calls me often to ask me if I knew Obama was a Muslim, terrorist, commie, alien from space.

DivaJood said...

Oh, Randal, page 23 (and 24) were ripped out of my copy of World Famous AY-Rabs.

S.W. Anderson said...

I marvel at bloggers who apparently arise at 6 a.m., start posting by 7 and don't let up until well into evening. I wonder who's paying them and how much, or if it's just a way of avoiding real life.

I went a long time trying to post every day. I decided it's better sometimes to hold on until I've had some time to come to some conclusions about a topic, maybe get additional information instead of going off half-cocked (that snickering in the background is juvenile).

Some things I write about lend themselves to a brief post, and some days I'm good for two or three of those. But the problem with multipost days is when you write a longer one, doing some research, putting in a lot of thought and effort in the writing, then jot off a couple of less-important, shorter ones. Post chronologically and you bury your masterpiece. People stop by, nibble the appetizers and move on. The main course goes untouched. Ugh.

Randal, I admire your stream-of-consciousness style. It's an art form and you do it well. You even get away with posting about your spouse, who holds to a strict "it's all good" attitude about your efforts.

Forget how the sports teams are doing, man — it strikes me you've got a great thing going there.

MRMacrum said...

Ah, but you say nothing so very well. You can dip into that well anytime you like. Chuckles are what I come for and chuckles are what I get. Thanks.

Our Juicy Life said...

randall - i know this has nothing to do with your wordless, nothing post (which i liked), but i just got an email forwarded to me and in it talks about Bruce declaring martial law and stopping the elections because of the financial crisis. Also talk about halliburten (sp?) building all these detention centers around the US for the past 2 years and about Bush signing something to allow the military to police the streets and that he told congress if they didn't sign the financial bailout he would declare martial law. also talk that obama is projected to win and that is why bush is stopping the election....ok....i do follow politics, but not as much as you and so i'm asking you for your opinion on this, have you heard antying about it????
signed - - - happy to be in france.

Christopher said...

The Connecticut Supreme Court ruling on gay marriage equality took me by surprise.

Marriage equality for my tribe seems to be spreading this way. Massachusetts and now Connecticut -- can New York be far behind?

I'm not sure we will stay here in the Empire state. Jim signed a two year contract with a hospital once he graduates. After that, we may head back to California (my homestate) and settle there and gay marriage is legal there unless the rabidly homophobic Prop 8 passes.

I've never been able to wrap my brain around the reason straight people are so obsessed with gay marriage equality? Since 54% of marriages end in divorce by the 5th year, it isn't like they've done such a great job enshrining the institution? We're going on our 17th year together, so take that Britney and K-Fed.

Dusty said...

I call her a trollop, then she calls me a cunt, then I sleep on the couch.-Really? This sounds like my house, but no couch sleeping. :)

When I married my current spouse, I told me anything but the c-word and things will go along just fine.

So, he doesn't actually call me a cunt, he just screams "c-word", "c-word" like a mental patient awaiting his meds.

I then have the opportunity to pull lots of nasty phrases out of my hat..and brother Randal..I got a million of em. ;p

Middle Ditch said...

It was just as interesting to read the comments as the post.

It kept me occupied and it even gave me a few ideas.

Utah Savage said...

I thought you said, "I got nuthin." You didn't say,"I got plenty of nothin, and nothin's plenty for me."

Tom Harper said...

Oh my God, not another state legalizing gay marriage?? This will take all the holiness out of traditional marriage. Britney Spears' 36-hour marriage to what's-his-name has now lost all meaning. Ditto for Elizabeth Taylor's twenty-seven sacred marriages.

Missy said...

Johnnie, what do you make of this?

I can make a hat, or a broach, or a flying pterodactyl...


Non, Je ne regrette rien said...

your wife sounds like such a wise woman.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

Somebody has to explain to me why Americans are so beserk about gay marriage rights. I really want to know.

It is unfathomable to me how anybody could have any reason to want to prevent two adults of the same gender from arranging their relationship or legal affairs or whatever under any adminstrative system they choose or choose to not choose. It makes no sense to me at all. I don't suppose the government has the right to tell a religious sect that they have to do something some way or the other but the civil service MUST MARRY ANY TWO PEOPLE.

And there are plenty of religious sects that are happy to marry two men or two women: Humanist Jews, Unitarians, some Episcopalian Churches and some Congregationalist Churches. Neither the government not the ruling ayatollahs should be able to tell those sects that they can sanction under there customs the marriage of two men or two women.

I get all the insecure flag pin and gun show characters who get freaked out for whatever stupid reason. As long as there's a USA there will be that archetype. What I've found really nauseating is purportedly "liberal" blogs where folks maybe aren't so overt in their homophobia but just the existence of gay people and that they'd have the temerity to ask for equal rights and equal protection under the law makes these "liberals" really nervous and seasick. So, there's this fig-leaf of "freedom of religion" and how important it is not to offend anyone of "faith" and "values."

So, I go back and forth with these dolts and say how can you WANT to make people just like you into 2nd class citizen? So, they roll out the old "hospital visitation" jive.

I go back and criticize the sophistry of that and say again how can you want to oppress people because of the way the enjoy experiencing love and sex? THAT part gets Americans totally beserko because then that makes them contemplate something that probably 75% of Americans think is the very worst thing in the world.

So, they go "this really isn't the right forum for this kind of discussion....dadadadada..."

Now, I'm not talking about Evangelical gun-nuts. I'm talking about proper nice American Obama voters who might even have an "Act Locally, Think Globally" sticker on their car. It just doesn't matter. I'm getting crazy frustrated and I go look don't you realize that your polite homophobia is as nauseating to me as my advocating for nothing more than equal rights for my friends who are just like me but experience sexuality slightly differently but furthermore there are quite a few issues which pertain to gay people beyond just marriage that are crucial to workaday life.

Now, at this point a real Wingnut would just curse me out and call me a "fag" or whatever. That's how they are they can't see any other way. What's so horrible about the USA on this is that the folkways of the Wingnuts are so grooved in stone into culture and power politics that it seeps over into liberal and progressive thinking. And unlike Wingnuts who have some sick courage of their convictions, homophobic liberals have one bit of faulty logic after another instead of having some kind of feeling of kinship with their fellow human beings.

This is not nuclear physics. When Bill Clinton took the US military out of a number of South American countries and said to the governments just go ahead and rewrite your constitutions your own way, all of these formerly super-machista countries enacted very strong anti-discrimination law specifically including the LGBT community and specifically guaranteeing that community equal protection, equal rights and the same degree of freedom as anyone.

So, what am I supposed to conclude? Seriously, especially considering how much lecturing these fuckers do about "OnlyIn America" and "Freedom" and "Democracy" and "Shining city On A Hill" and "Unique Exceptional country that's an example for the whole world to follow." It's like shut up with that shit already.

It's a crap country with a crap economy and a culture which celebrates homophobia, racism, xenophobia and ignorance.

Sadly, the jerks who took advantage politically of these backward peoples' folkways are going to be gone leaving Barack Obama to clean up their messes and the day of reckoning is coming soon and he's going have to deal with it...not Bush or Cheney or McCain or all the other bastards.

And two things are going fall on his head that he doesn't deserve. At some point on issues like gay-marriage if there's a Libertarian/Green fusion Party who comes out strong pro gay-rights that's going to bury the Democratic Party if it can't modernize in social policy.

The other bad thing he'll to deal with is keeping the USA's place as a kind of Fair Trade movement among the EU, MERCOSURE, APEC, etc. $15 trillion in debt and it will be Belgium and Venezuela dictating internal social policy to the US and not the other way around.And the US will fuss and whine and pretend that they'll bomb Europe or something until BANG down comes an 8000x tariff on Microsoft, Apple, Motorola and every movie studio. 1,000,000 jobs lost because of the "values" of "Christianism" and homophobia.

Enjoy. I know I will. Shit, I AM. Because just the discussion of the subject upsets Americans so much. All of these jobs will be lost but they won't care because they have their "values."

Please tell me what living in a 3rd world nation is like. I haven't had the pleasure.

pissed off patricia said...

Where's my tea and football sympathy?

Dean Wormer said...

Aha! I was trying to think what McCain going crazy in the background during the debate reminded me of.

He was Johnny from "Airplane!"

"Johnny, what do you make of this?

I half expected him to grab Obama by the waist from behind and say "...and Leon is getting largerrrrrrr."

La Belette Rouge said...

I am not sure where I got the work ethic for blogging, I have it nowhere else in my life. But, blogging 5 days a week is hard enough. You often blog 7 days. I am not sure how you manage it. And, even blog posts that you think say nothing are often rich and gooey with fabulous links and funny, culturally rich, and politically satisfying youtube goodness.

Um, didn't notice you gloating about you passing your oral exams. Did I miss that?

And, I want to see a top hat with those mutton chops.;-)

Border Explorer said...

Looks like I picked the wrong week to give up booze, etc too. But wait, I didn't give anything up! I'm saved.

Utah Savage said...

Border Exokorer has found the answer. And frankly Randal, if you're going to write plenty of nothing, you should have the courtesy to come comment on the wealth of comments here. Your commenters have plenty to say. Writer's block my ass. And it's a wide, wide ass. NJRR has lost her ass, I've expanded mine. I bet it keeps me alive this winter. But enough about my ass. Let's hear about yours Randal.

These are not times for the faint of heart to cower even though the sky is falling and your favorite sports team has lost. Gird your loins man. And yes, you are married to a very wise woman. You should be kissing her ass.

Übermilf said...

Maybe he's in jail.

Utah Savage said...

Ubermilf you may be on to something.

Dr. Zaius said...

I agree with Agi. Lloyd Bridges rules.

Dusty said... is that block? You break down that wall yet?

Phillies and Rays in the World Serious..mark my words.

Randal Graves said...

I'm too lazy to reply to you all, but the general gist of the core of the kernel is that Murka is fucking stupid when it comes to social shit.

Kelso, if I knew how to cure Murka of it's childish fright, I'd be one rich dude.

Go to hell, Dallas Cowboys.

I'm wasn't in jail.

My wife is nuts. Don't assume she's the normal one in our relationship.

Murka is still dumb.

Utah Savage said...

Don't assume? Too late man. You're the man who married her, so who's crazy now?

Randal Graves said...

Oh, I don't deny my craziness. I'm merely saying that I'm much more mellow.

Liberality said...

mutton chops eh? isn't that interesting.

Stay tuned next week for another exciting episode of Randal Uses A Lot Of Words To Say Absolutely Nothing!

and yet I read it, explain that to me. and I'm the 36 commenter, so you must be doing something right. the only posts I don't read of yours are the sports ones. so sue me.

Randal Graves said...

I can't explain anything about anything. Oh, my burns pale before those of the general. I can't believe you don't read the sports posts, those are the 38th most popular ones!