Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Wherein I throw a bunch of crap against the wall and hope some of it sticks

I thought about waxing poetic -- hey, it's Samuel Taylor Coleridge's birthday! Hell with my substandard tripe, go read the works of a true master -- on this story about dinosaur tracks, but I soon realized that instead of calling down the murderous wrath of the assassin who singlehandedly eliminated such a dominant superorder upon revelation of said nefarious deed, I figured I'd shut the hell up instead.

"Idea good. Grrr. Poems gay. Grrr."

"I can't believe you killed all the dinosauruses! Now how will our caveman ancestors get around?"

Not on the hardworking backs of Joe the Plumber -- MRMacrum, told you I'd rectify my thoughtless offense; see below! -- since we'll all be dead, I can tell you that! First Saddam hits us on 9/11, then his arch-ally, the Invisible Caliphate of Osama, gives us the Manchurian Messiah to tear us apart from within, and now they want to take our video games away!

Good job with the free pub, Sony. And if anyone was/is/would be offended, go jump -- and I think I'm turning into Pat Buchanan as I type this -- in a lake and swim over to Bill Donohue's house. Religions that share manufactured rage together stay together. Except when they're killing each other with suicide bombers and illegal invasions and occupations, but why be nitpicky.

Hold on to your panties, ladies and gents, it's The Official World Series Prediction® of this blog!

Tampa Bay vs. Philadelphia: fuck if I know. The Rays have a deeper starting rotation, Hamels is the best of either staff, both squads have solid bullpens, intangible A, intangible 32, vitamin B12. I'm banking on Ryan Howard not sucking vast amounts of posterior for a third consecutive series. Plus there's that whole 'I personally know a Phillies Phanatic and I fear for my ears' thing. Phillies in 7.

Now stimulate me, baby!

Um, no, not you, Ben. Her.

"Oh, sweetest Randal, it's so cold and overcast outside. Let's stay in where it's warm and cozy. You can read me poetry and then we'll make it hot like an overheating computer processing too many requests in between lazy complainers bitching --"

Sometimes I hate being at work.


susan said...

We were playing LBP in beta mode and it's great so although there was some disappointment in the delay it's cool to see Sony showing cultural sensitivity. Interesting to note the game was delivered first to the middle east (where the money is) and a number of US fans are not pleased to learn they're at the lower end of the distribution list. They should get used to the idea.

Übermilf said...

You think you're safe in your house?

Liberality said...

Randall, your poetry is divine. Don't ever think otherwise.

Sal Kilmister said...

I wish I could go back to high school and make "Idea good. Grrr. Poems gay. Grrr." my senior quote.

Who is that model, and why isn't she running for office?

Tom Harper said...

That sure is true, that religions that hate together, stay together. Bill Donoghue and the Protestant Biblehumpers make a great team.

Just think if the Pat Robertsons and the bin Ladens could get together. They're so similar; all they do is call their god a different name.

La Belette Rouge said...

Having watched way too much MSNBC as of late---I am starting to think that Pat Buchanan is like Howard Stern. I just don't believe that he believes everything he says. I just cannot believe it.

And, I hope you take your cue from Sony and delay any posts that might contain offensive music(i.e. Heavy metal).;-)

Randal Graves said...

susan, don't get me started on the US getting screwed. We never got the prequel to Castlevania: Symphony of the Night until a PSP port earlier this year. Wankers.

übermilf, if I'm spending my precious time getting funky, I won't care if I'm safe or not. You know, until the bullets start 'a flyin'.

liberality, your check is in the mail.

sal, beats the overuse of 'what a long, strange trip it's been.' I think I saw that about 752 times.

Why, that's my wife, of course, who certainly doesn't have the time for silly political circuses!

tom, I bet they hold some secret Bilderberg type deal every year. "So, Osama, my man, how's the fundamentalism going?"

"Oh, we're making great inroads. What about your campaign of homosexuality causing hurricanes? Garçon, another glass."

LBR, watching too much MSNBC causes malaria. Be careful.

Just for that remark, a further delay on the shoe post. And maybe some more metal youtubes. ;-)

DivaJood said...

Okay, I am going straight to the baseball conundrum: Phillies because they beat the Dodgers, who I hate.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

Poetry's cool. There's just too much bad shit around. But fuckit I could read THE WASTELAND or anything by RANDAL JARRELL or LEAVES OF GRASS over and over and over again, buddy. I just won't read trash.

MRMacrum said...

Rectify huh? Odd choice of words there Randal. I suppose I will call it good now though. You head was in the right place anyway. Oh did I say head? I meant heart. Sorry.

I fear nothing from the City of Brotherly Love. I predict Tampa in 6. From worst to first. Dontcha just love Cinderella stories?

And how bout them Pats? Just as I am settlin in for one of their patented mediocre seasons, Denver comes along without their team and my boys end up having a Monday Night Practice with the Red Shirt squad.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

It's a parlour trick to pick a side in 7 and you know that!

I think that Shields is the best starter of the bunch and I agree with you about Howard because he'll tear TB's righties apart and Kazmir's elbow is very shaky. Both teams have good players at most positions, although PHI hitting stands out and TB fielding does. Two best all-round infields in BB. Ryan decent edge over Carlos. Utley big edge over Iwamura. Rollins big edge over Bartlett. Longo big edge over whichever of platoon. Navarro big edge over whichever of platoon. Outfields are very similar. Slight edge on depth and fielding to TB.


I agree with you PHI in 7.

Randal Graves said...

diva, everyone on the Phillie bandwagon, plenty of cold cuts and cheep Murkan beer to go around.

kelso, the worlds got the shits
think it's in the pits
I'll leave the dissection
of our consternation
to you fine folks at Hell
'cause I've got nothin' to tell

mrmacrum, damn you Freud. I wouldn't mind seeing the Rays win except for the fact that once again, an expansion team would get a title before our Indians.

You've got the red-hot Rams next week. Betcha Cassel throws eight picks.

kelso, I'm just hoping it goes 7 so we get some compelling baseball! What have been the last four series? 4-0, 4-0, 4-1, 4-0, ugh.

Howard's OPS is something around 200 points higher vs. righties and I'm just gambling that he'll snap out of it. The Rays have sick speed, but you're right about the both having stellar infields.

Just gimme some good, compelling baseball. No 4-0 demolishing.

DivaJood said...

Phillies in 5.

Dean Wormer said...

I had to read Coleridge in college. Let me tell you he wasn an albatross around my neck.

I'm personally partial to Donne.


afeatheradrift said...

I don't care for baseball, so I'll leave all that speculation alone. Your crazy and reading your blog just makes me dizzy. My husband would no doubt relate to the sweet lady at the end of the post. Go to work and stop playing on the company dime. LOL.

okjimm said...


'Water, water, everywhere,
Nor any drop to drink.'

See! That is why we have beer!
I'll take Tampa in the 12th round, TKO!

I'm wit Da Dean on Donne.....

Such wilt thou be to me, who must,
Like th' other foot, obliquely run;
Thy firmness makes my circle just,
And makes me end where I begun.

Dean Wormer said...

Marke but this flea, and marke in this,
How little that which thou deny'st me is;
Me it suck'd first, and now sucks thee,
And in this flea our two bloods mingled bee;
Confesse it, this cannot be said
A sinne, or shame, or losse of maidenhead,

Yet this enjoyes before it wooe,
And pamper'd swells with one blood made of two,
And this, alas, is more than wee would doe.

I tried that line on a girl in college and it didn't work.

Somehow saying fooling around with me was kind of like getting bitten by a flea didn't quite put her in the right mood.

Go figure.

Utah Savage said...

Unless you can deliver Sinsinnati and the rest of your obviously real Murkin state a pox on all your fucking teams yea into eternity. And you call that a job? You and whatshername there in the French panties all sweaty and steaming up your monicle are working? Is that what you tell your wife?

FranIAm said...

Farewell farewell, but this I tell, to the thou wedding guest.

Whatever- albatross is on my neck and fucking stinks, the dead bastard.

okjimm said...

ooooh, Wrong Donne, Dean!

'Love, all alike, no season knows, nor clime,
Nor hours, days, months, which are the rags of time. '

worked better for me.

Dean Wormer said...

Ah, well Donne, okjimm!

Serves me right for assuming any poetry by somebody that was part of the Romantic Era was guaranteed to charm the pants off co-eds.

Turns out the specific poetry mattered.

I guess words mean something. Grumble, grumble.

MRMacrum said...

Dean Wormer - I found out quick a couple of Qualudes, some Mad Dog 20/20, and Moody Blues on the ole 8-track the sure fire way to find coed panties on my floor in the morning.

Agi said...

Tampa Bay vs. Philadelphia...bleh. I would have watched LA vs. Boston, but I couldn't care less about this World Series.

Randal Graves said...

diva, I'm hoping!

dean, groan. I mean, really.

afeatheradrift, I'm not all that crazy, I just play one on the internets. The lady is certainly lovely. I think I'll not do any work today, too!

dean and okjimm, Donne is fine and dandy, but if you really want to charm the ladies, you've got to bust out the Wilmot:

Love a woman? You're an ass.
'Tis a most insipid passion
To choose out for your happiness
The idlest part of God's creation.

Let the porter and the groom,
Things designed for dirty slaves,
Drudge in fair Aurelia's womb
To get supplies for age and graves.

Farewell, woman! I intend
Henceforth every night to sit
With my lewd, well-natured friend,
Drinking to engender wit.

Then give me health, wealth, mirth, and wine,
And if busy Love intrenches,
There's a sweet, soft page of mine
Does the trick worth forty wenches.

utah, as long as bring home the loot, she won't care. Well, not really, but I'd never tell. Muah.

fran, don't throw it away, once the economy tanks further, that's good eatin'!

mrmacrum, I wonder if that method still works. I should engage in some field research. After I go buy an 8-track machine.

agi, you commie pinko. I suppose you hate apple pie as well.

Dusty said...

If BJ Upton continues his streak..Da Rays will win the World Serious. ;)

Randal Graves said...

Sorry, did you say something? I was ogling the scantily-clad lady.

Spartacus said...

Randal...did you forget to take your meds again? However, I have to say, you always impress me with the way you remember important birthdays. How about Yeats' birthday?

Randal Graves said...

I wish I had some meds to take! Shit, I think I did. That's in June, no?