Thursday, December 19, 2013

Handsome B. Wonderful's Fortieth Annual List of the Top Ten Rock Albums of the Year


Weird year, man. Got more shit to say than ever punches fucking tired of circle jerks in the temple of your dreams. Philosophy is naught but destroying eardrums in my own private forest, tossin' scrawls in the can. Poor man's withdrawal, son, 'cause the hard stuff's too much scratch. The rest is crap 'cept Hanneman.

1. Darkthrone, The Underground Resistance.
Fuckin' metal, man.

2. Alice in Chains, The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here.
Fuckin' reflection, man.

3. Uncle Acid & the deadbeats, Mind Control.
Fuckin' cults, man.

4. Cathedral, The Last Spire.
Fuckin' Hammer, man.

5. Monster Magnet, Last Patrol.
Fuckin' testosterone, man.

6. Cultes Des Ghoules, Henbane.
Fuckin' Satan, man.

7. Rome, Hate Us and See if We Mind.
Fuckin' angst, man.

8. Ranger, Knights of Darkness.
Fuckin' speed, man.

9. SubRosa, More Constant Than the Gods.
Fuckin' doom, man.

10. Bones, Sons of Sleaze.
Fuckin' Helpless, man.

11. Iron Dogs, Free and Wild.
Fuckin' 1982, man.

12. Tribulation, The Formulas of Death.
Fuckin' spooky, man.

13. Fuckin' everyone else, man. The days get later, I get lazier. Bloody Hammers, Spiritual Relics. Ihsahn, Das Seelenbrechen. Windhand, Soma. Hail of Bullets, III: The Rommel Chronicles. Autopsy, The Headless Ritual. Moss, Horrible Nights. Throwing Muses, Purgatory/Paradise. Magic Circle, Magic Circle. Orchid, The Mouths of Madness. Jucifer, За Волгой для нас земли нет. Inquisition, Obscure Verses for the Multiverse.


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...


okjimm said...

stuff... thought youse was dead...


have a song....

Life As I Know It Now said...

Man, banging your head is hurting it Randal. Better stop that ;~P

BDR said...

Alice in Chains. Heh, excellent trolling.

Randal Graves said...

if, don't need nothin' but a good time.

okjimm, you dirty bastard.

life, since there's nothing up there worth hurting, no worries.

BDR, was going to pick Captain Beefheart, but that would have been too obvious.

Prunella Vulgaris said...

Dude, I miss your purple prosey album reviews, but this made me laugh.

Also, BDR, we love the Alice in these parts, even if the new record didn't excite me nearly as much as it did Randal.

susan said...

Following the tradition begun earlier by okjimm let me add this one to your collection.

Jim H. said...

Jeebus X. Chrysanthemum. Take a fucking day off from the interwebs to get some goddam xmas shopping done and look who pokes his head out his Clevelandic hidey-hole! Will we have three more weeks of Hell?

I'm pretty sure we don't share a single tune on our respective play lists. But, respect. I look forward to expanding my listen.

Best for the Hellidays!

Beach Bum said...

What, nothing involving the Duck Dynasty boys?

susan said...

ps: think you might like this - plus, it's a cool website you may or may not know about.

okjimm said...

oh oh oh...Susan! great idea....Caroling at Randal's!

Demeur said...

Sorry I'm planning on being freeze dried and placed in a Glad bag. I should remain fresh and tasty for decades.

Tom Harper said...

Interesting list. As always, I'm stunned by how many metal bands I've never heard of.

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