Friday, June 29, 2007

The Do-Nothing party

Started with no picks, ended with no picks. Apparently, we were deeply infatuated with #24 which was held by Phoenix - but used to be ours, once upon a time, wistful sigh - who eventually chose Spanish (damn terrorist enablers!) guard Rudy Fernandez and promptly sent his rights to Portland in exchange for some of the Blazers' loot. I hate you, Jiri Welsch.

As for the teams that could conceivably challenge our shiny crown in 2008, Detroit added some depth, one offensive guy, one defensive. Still quite talented, it all comes down to psychology with this gang of lunatics. Don't stop that sweet, sweet sound of whining!

Chicago picked Mini-Wallace, which is fine for the long term once Ben takes his Amazing Afro into retirement, but they sure could use another scorer. So, thanks, Pax.

Miami is still Dwayne Wade, a creaky (but svelte!) Shaq and a bunch of aging and/or one-dimensional pieces-parts. How the fuck did they win the title in 2006? Fucking Dallas chokers.

Toronto had no picks. Status quo, for now.

New Jersey added a nice player in Sean Williams, but since he likes smokin' weed, doin' coke, drinkin' beers among other deeds that piss off John Law, I guess they'll need to keep an eye on him. Good thing they have Jason Kidd.

Washington picked Nick Young, which means if the Wizards remain healthy, they'll run even more and be fun as hell to watch. All praise to Beelzebub that they have a wafer-thin frontcourt and no center whatsoever. Though Etan Thomas seems to have a conscience, so, go Etan. Fun as hell. What a stupid phrase. One possible incarnation of said place would be getting reamed in the ass by Cheney as a continuous loop of Toby Keith was pumped in for ambience while strapped down in a dark, mouldy chamber in Guantanamo or some subterranean, Buglarian gulag so secret that only Dick knows its precise location because when he's finished doing the quaint work of the Lord, all the construction workers and guards are summarily butchered and turned into a soupy goo that he drowns his victims in, only to bring those poor souls back to life the next day to suffer anew an even more heinous torture which decorum prevents us from ever mentioning, now accompanied by the song stylings of John Ashcroft. That's not fun at all! Make it stop!

Anyway, everyone else is shit, but the Knicks are always interesting in a trainwreck sort of way, thanks to Isaiah, the Joe Morgan of the NBA. Please, Joe, be a manager someday. That would be so fucking hilarious. As for the Knicks, they traded one knucklehead for another; albeit, a younger and more productive one, offensively at least. Channing Frye is an intriguing rotation player for Portland and they'll probably dump Stevie Franchise (unintentionally comedic at first - I think - look at what this nickname has come to represent. Pure comedy gold!). Man, if they don't screw it up, Portland has a solid chance to be San Antonio, post-San Antonio. Talented character guys led by a damn good coach. And assuming some of the bench players and dudes stashed in Europe pan out, a really deep team, too.

The Mysterious, Otherworldly Realm of Perpetual Rumor, Aborted Trades and Shady Backroom Deals is just around the corner but, as of now, we remain one of the favorites in that most junior of conferences. Could be worse. Ted Stepien could be signing the checks.

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