Friday, January 4, 2013

Mo' better blues



Of course I'm going to bring up that once upon a time we didn't suck. 

Exhibit A: lost 4 of their last 6, by counts of 39-27, 48-20, 35-14, and 47-7.

Exhibit B: lost their last three, two of them at home.

Exhibit A is the 2008 Cardinals, coming within a Roethlisberger bullseye or a The Fucking Harrison pick-sixer [reader's choice] of hoisting a shiny thing. Exhibit B is the the 2009 Saints before they hoisted a shiny thing. Momentum, like running to set up the pass, is as worthless as Joe Morgan's brain. Have more talent than the other chumps, don't turf the ball, and roll eight the hard way. 'tis a simple game.

The Fucking Bengals @ Planet Hooston: Cincinnati's won 7 of 8 whilst the Oilers Texans [damn, I miss Tecmo Super Bowl run n' shoot Warren Moon] have resembled the Browns of late, current, and early, but since that means Jack Frost Giant, pay attention, it comes down to a game of whom do you trust, Doolin' Dalton or the death-spiraling Matt Schaub? I'll take door number three, Monty. Hey, J.J. Watt! Texans 24-17.

Adrian Peterson @ Green Bay: Repeat after me, to the tune of Lollipop Guild  ♪ this is a quarterback's league ♫ and ponder that it's up to Ponder. If he had had one of his trademark 15-of-33 clusterfucks, Lovie Smith would still have a job. The truly transcendent aside, running backs are a dime a baker's dozen, Yo! Adrian's the former, but Christian's still gotta keep the apostasy on the back crucifix. Ain't gonna. Packers 31-24.

Night Moves @ The Fucking Ravens: Chuck Pagano giving leukemia the bird notwithstanding, a pox upon both these blights upon a sporting reality that never existed. Andrew Luck's good but, like his team, lucky, and as of this moment, not as impressive as Russell Wilson, see below. Lest ye think I come not to praise but bury Indy after dragging its corpse up and down the boulevard, six out of the last seven playoff teams that were outscored by 30 or more in the regular season won their first game, and the one that didn't was playing one of the other six, i.e. because why not march behind completely baseless trends involving laundry from decades ago. Furthermore, half of Baltimore's defense is torn and frayed, but because Harbaugh the Elder ought to be smart enough to ignore all this Yay! Quarterback shit and run Ray Rice 45 times against the sieve that gave up a century mark to Peyton Hillis, Ravens 27-17.

Seattle @ Washington: Russell Wilson. Caveat the first: none of these are adjusted for era. Thus, Dan Marino doesn't get the benefit of the 7,963 rule changes since yesterday to assist the offense and would still own his once-sick marks. Caveat the second: RGIII is a man among men, but tossing against the styrofoam of the NFC East isn't quite the iron gauntlet Our Man Flint had to deal with. That and a corner tandem that harkens back to a certain pair of Browns, the choice is sorta clear, even if their twee threads make me wish I was blind. Seahawks 23-16.

23 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Seattle in their Microsoft Dome is not Seattle on the road.
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Randal Graves said...

2010 Packers were also 3-5 on the road.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I will find some random fact and re-butt, shortly!
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Randal Graves said...

I anticipate your response by pointing out via incredibly small sample size that Washington is 0-2 lifetime in the playoffs vs. Seattle!

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Washington is 0-2 lifetime in the playoffs vs. Seattle!

At Seattle, he rejoindered.

This is the last time we played them:

Shock the Seagulls
~

Randal Graves said...

Thus proving the Seahawks win when it counts, especially against a coach who's 1-4 lifetime sans Elway, Carroll being a robust 2-3.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Who needs Elway when you've got RGIII?
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Beach Bum said...

Have to disagree with you on the Redskins-Seahawks.

My cloudy crystal ball says Redskins by two touchdowns.

Randal Graves said...

if, I know John Elway sir, I've watched him rip our hearts out time and time again, and RGIII is no John Elway. (not yet, at any rate).

BB, I sure hope not. Though the only team anyone should root for if their squad isn't in there is the Packers.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Elway vs. the Redskins

Hey, the Redskins were 3 point underdogs in that game, too!

/ random stat that was promised
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Randal Graves said...

Elway never beat Seattle in the playoffs either. Take that.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Though the only team anyone should root for if their squad isn't in there is the Packers.

I agree with you, R.G., as half the family is from Milwaukee.
~

Nunly said...

Your so sexy when you talk about soccer. ;-) wait...or is this tennis?

susan said...

Huh, I thought you'd written Halfback the Elder there and were off into another of your medieval epistles.

Demeur said...

Looks like your leaning towards Seattle. I hope you're right but it depends on if the fix is in. I recall a certain Worthlessberger non touch down that iced the Hawks. We'll see if Wilson can once again grab a carton of eggs and scramble.

Ah and how I miss the days of Jim Brown but then again that's ancient history. Probably before you were born.

okjimm said...

Packers scare me this year...never sure which team will show up. Time to do dangerous drugs and hide all the sharp items. If the goddam Pack loses to the fucking Vikings TWO weeks in a row...I will be really pissed.

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ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Screw you, nonnie.

Who you got, the Pack or Vikes?
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Randal Graves said...

if, the way I figure it, the Packers will never move (presumably, do not misunderestimate the greed of a billion-dollar industry), plus being a tie to the days of Portsmouth and Pottsville are a plus.

nunly, flattery will not get me into a church unless I'm there to take pictures.

susan, there's a short story in there, a Green Bay Halfback in Aethelred's Court.

demeur, let us never speak of that tristesse from the tragedian's ref.

Living in Clevelandia, I'm vaguely aware of this "Jim Brown."

okjimm, well there was the defense that was missing last year (and the dropsies, too).

IN RUSSIA, GAME PICK YOU!

Demeur said...

You're getting quite the Russian audience here. Tell them you're out of vodka and they'll go away.

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ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I blame nonnymous for RGIII re-injury.
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