Whatever it is, I'm against it

"What's today, my fine fellow?"
"Today, why, Christmas Customer Service Training day!"

IT isn't enough, IT is never enough, goshdarnIT, to be powerpointillist assessed by our social betters through two, yes, two, separately different yet equally facilitating 120-minute empowering opportunities strategically placed at the culmination of the 24-hour employment cycle.

Let's walk it back a moment: how can one possibly assess the ultimate incentivized goal of exceptionally excellent resource quality gifted through the paradigm of assessing self-assessment sans preliminary pre-assessment?

Mind, boggle no more.

Lo, behold & hark! (ed. note: the following battery of percentage choices accompanied each pre-self-assessment statement but for the sake of blog cleanliness [right there next to Cthulhuliness], you only get one, though with a second, I bet I could repurpose my Demonstrate good times come on from 35% to 36%, thus vitalizing a whole other deliverable of rightsized reader appreciation. Thank the Old Ones that I work in the public, not private, sector or my healthy disdain for not-by-choice a-man's-gotta-eat face-to-face human-management interaction might have resulted in these cheap sneakers being lost post-downsize in a pile of shell casings ash. I'm a pyromaniac, not a fighter.)

1 - I hardly ever demonstrate - less than 5% of the time
2 - Demonstrate 6% - 20% of the time
3 - Demonstrate 21% - 35% of the time
4 - Demonstrate 36% - 55% of the time
5 - Demonstrate 56% - 70% of the time
6 - Demonstrate 71% - 85 % the time
7 - Demonstrate 86% - 95% of the time
8 - Almost always demonstrate - 95% - 100% of the time

I consistently show positive non-verbal communication such as make eye contact, smile, show open stance, do not treat customers as an interruption.

I thank the customer at the end of every interaction.

I remain calm under pressure and during difficult situations.

I restate to clarify situation(s) (e.g., Mr. Customer, are you saying that the payment for this fee isn't showing as credited?).

I manage difficult situations with ease (e.g., angry customers).

I project professionalism through appropriate presentation (dress, hair) and neat/clean work area.

I treat co-workers with the same (if not better) courtesy and professionalism as external customers.

I have excellent phone skills (answer within 3 rings, identify self and area, smile, pleasant tone, etc.).

I build rapport through excellent communication skills and timely follow up (e.g., tailor style to situation, overcome barriers, follow up within 48 hours, etc.). 

Sounds like we work in a high-class brothel. We don't, but if we ever add such a supplementary revenue stream to our operations in light of the austerity movement within state & federal government, you'll be the first to know.

Comments, questions?

Thank you now I feel like Ozzy I love you all.