Tuesday, June 28, 2011

I'm not crazy, you're the one that's crazy

"Can you play Pepsi by Suicidal?"

The Wheelie Bus™ was five minutes early, thus proving, with verifiable proofs both mathematicall & sybillinicall, the efficacy of my vaunted Leave Five Minutes Early, Stupid campaign against the brutally slacker Vandal horde that demands I wait to imbibe the Kynge's Brewe or kills me dead, yet the strange was a two-pronged devil: first, & I'm not proud of this, I -- gasp -- I used my cellular telephone device on the bus. Sob. Put away your guillotines & iron maidens unless it's Seventh Son or earlier & let me explain my hypocrisy, I was the only one on the bus & I just had to get my request in to Radio Free Cleveland dammit take that fascists.

Oh, like a banker in the hooker-plated gutter, I feel so dirty. 

Second, despite a gap in space-time of a mere 18 1/2 minutes three hundred seconds, none -- I repeat, louder for those of you in the back -- of the regular public transportationista proletariat materialized, thus lending further credence to my pet theory of said riders being automatons housed in underground silos not unlike the subjects of Curtis LeMay's wet dreams, launching when the Wheelie Bus™ enters a programmed intersection of chronology & radius.

This is what I get for not having built a sleep sanctuary; all that horror, & spending my afternoon off discussing a whole slate of heretofore unknown phobias whilst penning a burlesque piece about a fucking bee.

Hello, Cleveland! & darkthroning through the tulips, yes, even under the bloody sun & a whole bunch of other stuff, no bowties, though: I love this tune.


Laura said...

You have a cell phone?????
I'm speechless! :P

I love that second tune too! Although, the boys had the speakers turned up full tilt and it just about blew me out of my chair when it started up.
Not a bad thing... I do need to get up off of my ass. :P


Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

I have never once used my wireless cellular phonic device on any form of public transport, oh, for shame. Does this mean that to keep up with you in Douchebaggery I need to learn how to turn it on?

Also, I understand you can use one to find the nearest public house? We must investigate this advanced alien technology.



Sent from my iPad

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Being rather new to these environs, compared to the locals, I had to google Wheelie Bus™.

A most impressive and heavy metal form of commuting, R.G.

Randal Graves said...

laura, a necessary evil I use about two minutes a month. See, rock and/or roll is an important part of breakfast!

tengrain, you being from Californistan, I'm the one with miles to go before I reach your exalted Douchebaggery level, sir, now, get back to your sexting, deviant.

if, don't fuck with public transportationistas.

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

I just watched Thunder's video, and I gotta say that's the most awesome commute ever. A tip of my chappeau to you, sir!



thatgirl said...

What's next? You carrying on discourse about what you're having for dinner on Ye Allmightee Speakerphone of Doom?

BDR said...

Lordy, I love Throwing Muses.

BDR said...

O! Too.

Randal Graves said...

tengrain, rust belt power, yo.

thatgirl, if that ever happens, you have my permission to cut me down with either the Scythian Axe or the Glaive of Mars.

BDR, they do err on the side of fantastic, do they not?

okjimm said...

I hate buses.... they serve no beer.

Dusty,Hells most vocal Bitch said...

God I love this blog. The comments are just about as entertaining as the posts! Smooches to the Host w/the most! ;)

Randal Graves said...

okjimm, Clevelandistan buses do!

dusty, hell, the commenters make the place, I just provide stools.

susan said...

I threw a muse once but it came back.

Demeur said...

At least you weren't texting some bimbo going 70 on the 490. I'll give you that much credit.