Sexual Disorientation Storytime*

"The time has come," The Bard of the Brush said,
"To talk of many things:












Not of shoes and ships, nor of sealing wax,
Certainly not of cabbages and kings,
(maybe that last one is okay, heh heh)
But of a man in love with Freedom,
A man called The Libertine."

"Let's not wait a bit," The Bard cried,
"Before I have my say
Of a lonely, Christian man
Assaulted by Teh Gay.
With pistols of pink they did come,
And our holy soul lost his way."

"But one fateful morning, still wounded,
Our hero had an epiphany.
'O Lord, how you've blessed your servant!
For who loves Freedom more than me?'
(except the President, of course)
He looked upon Big Easy with joy;
Hookers as far as the eye could see!"

"He was a child in a dream,
Stuffed with the sweetest of sweet, sweet candy.
In time he met a dame, a lady fine
Who made him quite so randy.
Wendy, just like his ball-and-chain;
He was now her Diaper Dandy."

"Rumor quickly spread
Like a raging fire in the loins.
Another was soon jealous like the thief
Of one with too many coins.
'The wind isn't the only thing that blows,' he said,
Your money I must purloin!'"

"'I, too, can play this game,'
The soldier of Freedom did quip.
But another hated America
(probably a member of the Democrat party)
So he never got to the tip.
Now, a fallen warrior
To the Clenis' brinkmanship."

"Oh, 'Murkans," said the cut-and-running Bard,
"We can't ever cut-and-run!
They want to kill your children,
Leaving nothing but none.
They hate us for our Freedoms,
But - shhhh - it's okay to forget about this one.
(and that other one - and Rudy - and Newt - and Rush, heh, heh.")

*with apologies to Lewis Carroll.