Sideshow Bob

Looks like he isn't going anywhere. I'd like to have him back, but the fact that this might end up being the highlight of our offseason is nonetheless depressing. Unless Mr. Ten Year Guaranteed Contract can do something like stealing the rights to Juan Carlos Navarro from the Wizards - oh, if only His Sweatshopness was still running that team - the best chance we have to win a championship is to keep proven role players like Varejao and hope that if we're lucky enough to make another Finals appearance, the divine intervention of the Flying Spaghetti Monster afflicts our opponent with a swarm of debilitating injuries. But unless another GM miraculously has a brain cramp and decides to take one or more of the bloated contracts off our roster, we're stuck in that best-case scenario. Then LeBron will be a free agent, say fuck it, and leave yet another Cleveland sports franchise to wallow in misery and heartbreak. One gets used to it after time. Just like how one gets used to the Dems haplessly flailing away in their eternal struggle for a spine.

UPDATE!
Oh man, how could I have forgotten about this? Nothing throws terror into the heart of darkness like the equivalent of a wagging finger. I apologize for my erroneous worldview.