Friday, December 23, 2011

Jelly-of-the-month club, or, Christmas bonus post

The last Peonage darkthroning of the year. Sniff.

Eat, eat, you're nothing but skin & bones.

I hope the latter isn't in reference to the former.


The discerning bunga-bunga enthusiast's treat.

Wonder why they've closed up shop.



'tis beautiful when the Chinese & Italian mafias come together.

Down with ageism.

Hwsig's not here, man.

Chortle, chuckle, wheez.

Misery. Does that make us company?

Seatbelt-related deaths are on the increase.

I try, every day.

Double rubble,

the Browns do fumble,

bigwig progress,

trees are in trouble.


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Did you bring me gum gum, dum dum?

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Oh, and speaking of the trees...

S.W. Anderson said...

Randal, did you get all kindhearted and lay out the squirrel banquet? Good for you. Some day, some way, you kindness will be returned. I just hope your digestive tract is up to the challenge presented by squirrel food. ;)

Have a very merry and a new year filled with satisfying darkthroning adventures. Oh, and since it's so important to you, I hope you get some snow.

Beach Bum said...

Yeah, that squirrel would be all bone and gristle if stewed in a pot.

okjimm said...

OK.... i gotz a xmas joke for ya....

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly
gates. 'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each
possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The man from England fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.
He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The man from Scotland reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Irish man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally
pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what
do those symbolize?'

The Irishman replied, 'These are Carols.'

Demeur said...

Clevelandia now with ample parking for all!

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Golf clap for okjimm's joke.

MRMacrum said...

I was promised a bonus, but all I get it seems are pictures of beautiful downtown Cleveland. If I had come from Buffalo, I might be inclined to consider this bonus a plus.

Jim H. said...

That one cookie says "Stereo". Seriously. Great name for a knockoff confection.

And the 'WTF' applies more to the parking sign than anything else.

Best to you and the Duchess and the brood. May their ears proudly bleed American red with all the lovely new metal music playing at Spinal Tap 11 for the holidays.

Eagerly awaiting a new year of fresh darkthroning,
Jim H.

Jim H. said...

Oh yeah. That was pretty funny okjimm.

Here's mine. Eating dinner with the fam. Mom breaks out the heirloom glassware. It's got "H" engraved on the sign. Wise-ass brother says why do you only break these out for Xmas. Without missing a beat I say: "Because it's Jesus's middle initial." There's a pause, then Rev. Father H. splutters ice tea all over his turkey plate and general familial hilarity ensues. Bro concedes the night: "I don't care who you are, that's pretty funny right there." Doing his best Larry the Cable Guy.

Life As I Know It Now said...

I got a joke too!

One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a reindeer walked in the door, bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, and accepted the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer's hoof.
As he handed the reindeer some coins in change, he said "You know, I think you're the first reindeer I've ever seen in here."
The reindeer looked hard at the hoofful of change and said "Hmmmpf. Let me tell you something, buddy. At these fuckin' prices, I'm the last reindeer you'll see in here."

susan said...

Okay, I'll join in too since you've been so generous in finding things to make us laugh this year.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.

Demeur said...

Okay late entry but...
Now: When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves didn't produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the rum. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Randal Graves said...

I'm going to open a comedy club in that rubble, book all of you, and I bet we last at least 3 or 4 days before we run out of money.

Tom Harper said...

Thank God for the Jelly of the Month Club, the gift that keeps on giving.