Thursday, August 2, 2012


I warned ya. Though the official anniversary isn't until September, officially. Yet, since I do indeed have nothing else & I'd much rather talk Trek than the toxic strains of both news feedery & personalized jibber-jabberwocky interesting to no one, I present the wonder years & her slow creep of understanding: the world is a beautiful box sadly overstuffed with fuckers hemorrhaging cataracts of yellow & black bile, so let us hike away to the pleasant melodies of tunes, teevee, & trashing troglodytes. Some old geeks swear by TOS; a worthy choice, but for us not-entirely-greys, it was Gene's second (third, if we're counting the aborted Phase II) stab at interstellar futurama that fit the playbill.

To counter every

Space Irish

Space Beethoven

or The Worst™ introduction of an alien race in the history of science fiction either televised or in print go on find something more wretched I challenge thee [ed. note: you'll notice that I left out Flying Troi and The Where Are Yous, you're welcome], dig this baker's dozen plus one. A few favorites, yes. The best, perhaps, perhaps not. Hate them? You've got a blog, use it.

The Measure of a Man. Is Data one of us or no? This could have been so fucking heavy handed. It wasn't, & wouldn't work with Kirk who'd take a swing at Maddox, missing due to an uncomfortably crooked girdle, unable to do anything but watch helplessly as Starfleet trekked the android away to disassembly.

Accept the superiority of The Picard & move on.

The Best of Both Worlds, parts I & II. Once upon a time, I was a geek with skill. Now I'm just a geek with slack. Anyway, during the summer twixt junior & senior year of high schoolin', I was enrolled in a three-week computer class at Ohio State (stick your The, as tired as this guy using SOMETHING IST KRIEG) where, when not getting figuratively slaughtered by kind Middle Eastern kids at footie [ed. note: a clever ploy at imposing Sharia law I'm onto you] & hanging out for hours inside Magnolia Thunderpussy dissecting the merits of A Farewell to Kings & Show No Mercy, we butchered at birth bits of Fortran.

That Cramps poster was spooky, but their tunes sure as hell weren't.

Whilst my roomie was off somewhere making out with the RA assigned to the chick half of our gang, us less handsome devils, including Pink Floyd (no one, no one, boomer or otherwise, was as obsessed with that band as much as this guy) & Lou Reed (cool dude, especially since he, unknowingly, introduced me to the vast overrated-nesse of his last great American whale. Belated thanks) & some of the young ladies who weren't totally repulsed by us, gathered in our RA's room to watch the season three cliffhanger. The return of the Borg, manly man Riker poker faced by a woman, & Locutus? Game, set, & match.

After coming down from a rousing chorus of holy fuck what the fuck just happened, we preceded to watch Major League & drink beer.

Sins of the Father. I never kill anyone at the supper table, either, Kurn. Season one Worf was merely a vehicle designed to alternate growls & overreactions. Now he's the coolest mofo around.

Sarek. The title character cried during a performance of Brahms' sextet in B-flat. So did I, but then I'm not a Vulcan. Nyah nyah nyah. Good on Angry Wesley's dig at Angry Geordi being the most hapless guy around the ladies this side of M-33.

Family. As everyone knows, Patrick Stewart owns. When he's paired with a supporting actor who can match his intensity, that's happy fun Halloween candy.


Redemption, parts I & II. A situation that required a more Klingon response. Not entirely sold on Sela's backstory, but fisticuffs, Romulan intrigue, righteous Klingon rage, the return of Gowron & Kurn, Data putting the command smackdown on a punkass Timothy Carhart? Let the good times roll.


A Matter of Honor. Speaking of Klingons, let's practice our growling. Saved Riker's bacon, & it'll save yours during that next staff meeting.


All Good Things... If Not Fade Away is the greatest series send-off ever, & it is, this is a close second (probably along with this I don't care about Newhart or The Wire, thus). Oodles of all-over-the-map, Q, & though emotion-chipped Data grates, this is how you do a finale.

Yesterday's Enterprise. Yeah, it's on every goddamn list, & for good reason. Time travel is incredibly easy to monkey wrench, but when you don't, & toss a hefty dollop of emotional sprinkles on top, delicious & nutritious.


Conspiracy. More X-Files than Kolchak ever was, just as ridiculous as the latter, though stumbling across the Horatio's remains so soon was pretty unsettling. Dig those alien FX, a Satanic, melted Fraggle goof-thing but lordy, that hideous death yelp. But [SPOILER ALERT] what a missed opportunity in never following up.


The Offspring. Data builds kid, The Man wants kid ['cause Data ain't human, pay attention], kid dies. Maudlin? Try moving, you heartless sack of rocks. Fuck off.

Chain of Command, parts I & II. I'm not gonna do the THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS schtick. Shit. Still, Ronny Cox does dueling superiority/inferiority complexes with gusto, & David Warner's suavely sadistic.

Q Who. Once upon a time, there was no spandexed Jeri Ryan, no B-movie Borg Queen, only the bleakness of technosingularity robotnik circuiterianism.

Elementary, Dear Data. Yeah, yeah, easy to potshot the very notion of the holodeck, but I like Data, I like Sherlock Holmes, & this is a fun 45 minutes. Plus, Pulaski's a curmudgeon & that always gets bonus points with yours truly.

Live long & prosper far off my lawn.


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Once upon a time, I was a geek with skill. Now I'm just a geek with slack.

Don't I know the feeling.

Life As I Know It Now said...

Well I grew up on the original Star Trek. By the time this series came around I was anti-television so I missed out completely but my mom and dad really liked this series. I myself dug Janeway, who was born in Bloomington Indiana no less :)

Prunella Vulgaris said...

aw yiss, geekery and tales of Ye Olde Days... most excellent.

Randal Graves said...

if, I'm just glad that once the inevitable damoclesing comes, I'm within walking distance of multiple fast food joints.

life, you should Netflix them, you teevee-hating mutant. How do you watch sports?

duchess, that's it? No KIRK OR PICARD AND YOUR MOM?

BDR said...

Who the fuck uses stupidass Star Trek allusions? Oh.

Als0 to0 - Iggy Pop was on DS9?

Beach Bum said...

Accept the superiority of The Picard & move on.

NEVER! Yeah Picard could quote Shakespeare in front of the court of inquiry about whether or not Data is a sentient being but Kirk would have bagged the hot female Starfleet JAG officer before hand, broke a dozen Starfleet rules and regulations including the Prime directive just for kicks, and still gotten a commendation as Spock looked on disgusted.

On a side note my favorite episode was a DS9 on involving Sisko and his gang going back to Kirk's Enterprise and getting caught up in the "Trouble with Tribbles."

Demeur said...

Damn it Jim! Forget Data, Spock, and Worf. Where's the new Dr. Who?

And who wants to waste time watching a farm club for the Yankees anyway?

Randal Graves said...

BDR, stupid nerds.

Oh yeah, and too bad they never cast him as the lunatic stage-stalking mirror universe Weyoun. War is funny!

BB, Kirk was the Bro of Starfleet captains.

Tom Harper said...

"We seek peaceful co-existence." Those words are even scarier than "I'm from the government and I'm here to help you."

susan said...

I was mostly locked up in the club scene in those days.. there I am, front row centre.

Life As I Know It Now said...

me watch sports, humph!

Okay, I watched the big tennis thingee, whatever it's called at Wimbledon, with my newest guy crush because he likes tennis--that was a while back and on the computer no less. :~D

Randal Graves said...

tom, I've always had an inkling that the political class is actually inhabited by outer space vermin.

susan, always figured you for a maniac before you became a gentle Canuck.

life, tennis? Boo! Watch football, both kinds! (I'm just mad I can't get all the footie I want on the computing box)