Heir Apparent

No, nothing to do with our next king, but some new, as-yet-unreleased, Opeth.

As an aside, I recommend
taking a day off, unplugging,
just mellowing out and pretend
political idiocy
and the daily variety
are each a fabricated thing.

Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran

"I'm outta here. Good luck, suckers, you're gonna need it."

"Good memoirs. Good, not great."

"Hello, Mr. Bush!"

What does George Herbert Walker Bush have to do with this post? Outside of the title, nothing. Anyway, The Invisible Woman ruthlessly tagged her entire blogroll with the 'memoir meme' currently stalking the electrons, and if you saw what picture she had accompanying her post, well, I'd be quite the fool to not post my own version. I'll be damned if I end up becoming a corpse at my youthful age because of misguided hubris.

The rules, suckers:
1. Write your own six word memoir.
2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like.
3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post.
4. Tag five more blogs with links.
5. And don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play!


















La vie intérieure est mon sanctuaire.

Everyone is tagged since half of my blogroll has probably done this or will be doing it or will have said 'fuck off, good sir or madame, I will not.' Thus, the whole of the law shall be, do what thou wilt.

"I'm a white male age eighteen to forty-nine fifty-nine, everyone listens to me!"

Instead of coming up with my own introduction to the predictions below, I humbly suggest you check out Anthony Cartouche's write-up for a much more detailed and interesting explanation. But for now, the lazy man version:

A local classic rock station has started announcing the inductees to their own 'rock hall' -- The Hall of Fame of the People, dammit! -- voted on by the hard-workin', middle-aged, blue-collar listeners of Northeast Ohio, all with the chance to win a Wii, which is what all hard-workin', middle-aged, blue-collar listeners want. Gotta do something while jamming to The Wall, no?

The inductees so far:
1. Led Zeppelin
2. The Beatles
3. Pink Floyd
4. The Rolling Stones
5. Eric Clapton

My predictions:
6. AC/DC
7. The Who
8. Boston
9. Van Halen
10. ZZ Top

Breaking the Law?

Security camera footage of Republican operatives looting the U.S. Treasury.

Crossing over isn't just for Texas.

A staggering 16,000-plus Republicans in Cuyahoga County switched parties when they voted in last week's primary.

That includes 931 in Rocky River, 1,027 in Westlake and 1,142 in Strongsville. More than a third of the Republicans in Solon and Bay Village switched. Pepper Pike had the most dramatic change: just under half of its Republicans became Democrats. And some of those who changed - it's difficult to say how many - could be in trouble with the law.

At least one member of the Cuyahoga County Board of Elections wants to investigate some Republicans who may have crossed party lines only to influence which Democrat would face John McCain in November.

Anyone who crossed lines was supposed to sign a pledge card vowing allegiance to their new party. In Cuyahoga County, dozens and dozens of Republicans scribbled addendums onto their pledges as new Democrats.

So, is it indeed illegal?

Lying on the pledge is a felony, punishable by six to 12 months in jail and a $2,500 fine.

Election watchers said they don't know any cases that have been prosecuted in Ohio. And it's unlikely the Republican crossovers influenced the outcome since Clinton handily defeated Obama, said Edward Foley, an election-law professor at Ohio State University.

But he said Ohioans need to learn the rules governing their voting - and poll workers need to enforce them.

In a nutshell, here how it's supposed to work: Ohio voters are allowed to switch party affiliations on the day of a primary election but only if they sign a pledge vowing to support their new party - and mean it.

If a majority of poll workers at a precinct doubt a voter's sincerity, they can challenge the voter even if the voter signed the pledge.

In the days following the election, The Plain Dealer interviewed more than two dozen voters - most of them Republicans who crossed over to Democrats last week.

None - including five who acknowledged lying about supporting the Democrats - were challenged. And several said poll workers never asked them to sign a pledge, but gave them a Democratic ticket.

Fine, technically it's illegal if you don't follow through on the pledge, but then again, I'm not big on loyalty oaths. What this strikes me as most is one more flaw in our limiting, two-party system. Among the legion of Limbaugh Automatons I'm sure a few switched out of truly wishing to do so. Yes, the number of such creatures is probably small, but are we then to lock someone into voting for the subsequent nominee? I can't read minds, can you?

According to the Plain Dealer, there are 249,742 registered Democrats in Cuyahoga county, 84,713 Republicans and 729,542 independents. That's over two-thirds not affiliated with one of the two major political parties.

Is crossing over a devious practice? Probably. But our system is devious, and until we get a new one -- I put the over/under on that at ten centuries assuming the cockroaches haven't usurped our rule by then -- we're pretty much stuck with this solution: Obama/Hillary/partisan followers/DNC/everyone else, start attacking the real enemy with a continuous gusto, the guy who'll continue to support the legalization of immoral behavior such as this. Remember, he's beefy, thus tough to beat.

Who do you want answering the phone at 3 a.m.?

Hillary?

Obama?

Matlock?

Dean Vernon Wormer!

Hell hath no fury like a meme scorned

Screaming up from the bloodstained abyss, conceived in a cavern of burning sulfur, the floor strewn with failed alchemical experiments and the bones of the sinful dead, comes another one of those diabolical memes whose only purpose is to strike with pain and terror at our pitiful mortal realm, this time thrown with demonic accuracy by Marjorie, who's not even in the same ballpark as evil (that I know of), but I needed to riff on something for this introductory paragraph and you did mention black metal in your post, even if just in passing. Anyway, the rules:

List 7 random things about yourself that people may not know.

Link the person who sent this to you, and leave a comment on their blog so that their readers can visit yours.

Post the rules on your blog.

Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, linking their blog. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Seven more completely uninteresting facts about yours truly:

1. Old Van Halen may have been my official entry into the exciting world of crushing power chords, but my first experience with anything remotely rocking was probably Tenderly, performed by Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem, on my vinyl copy of The Muppet Show when I was a wee lad way back in the late 70s.

2. I love Cadbury eggs and Totino's pizza rolls, but not at the same time.

3. I do not love liver.

Is it that obvious I'm straining for stuff?

4. When I was a slightly older wee lad, I wanted to be an F-14 pilot, and I spent all kinds of time building scale models of said aircraft plus Nimitz-class carriers, A-6 Intruders, even some old school A-5 Vigilantes and F-8 Crusaders and even older school WW2 stuff. Who knew that kid would grow up to be an angry lefty jackass. Must've been the fumes from the Testors glue.

5. Once upon a time, in a galaxy classroom far, far away, we students were directed to create dioramas -- given what I ended up making, it must've been a history class -- and, using Legos, fashioned a 'working' guillotine. A stack of blocks with grooves in them provided the perfect structure for a masking-taped cardboard blade, a radar dish was the perfect catch for a bunch of decapitated Lego heads and a red magic marker was the blood. It was *sniff* beautiful. Vive la France ! Vive la révolution !

6. Summer is my least favorite season.

7. For multiple reasons, my all-time favorite piece of music is the allegretto from Beethoven's seventh symphony.

Those condemned to an eternity of taggery: Candace, Dean Wormer, Dr. Zaius, dguzman, Angie, Snave and b. Standard caveats apply: do it now, do it later, do it never, it's a semi-free country, mes amis!

Little Rascal

"Hiiiiiii, crabby."

Federal Bureau of Intransigence

"I know my impression of the President isn't all that good, but I've been practicing, really I have!"

You've got to hand it to the man. Robert Mueller is certainly on a roll.

First we had the "sorry we spied on your ass" routine.

And now, this:

At the heart of President Bush's plea to give telecommunications companies legal immunity is the contention that these companies were merely being patriotic corporate citizens when they facilitated the warrantless wiretapping of Americans.

FBI Director Robert Mueller undercut that argument Wednesday, telling Congress that the 'good faith' argument should have nothing to do with whether or not they are let off the hook in dozens of pending court cases.

"I would focus more on the downsides, substantial downsides, of not providing retroactive immunity as being the principal rational of the legislation, providing immunity," Mueller told the Senate Judiciary Committee.

What really bothers me though, especially after the above statement which, in no subtle terms, dictates that WE MIGHT ALL FUCKING DIE -- we haven't yet, as far as I can tell, unless I'm hallucinating, but I don't remember taking any illegal substances today -- is the following grotesque display of blasphemy against St. Bauer:

"Do you waterboard Timothy McVeigh?" [Senator Sheldon] Whitehouse asked.

Mueller demurred, saying he would "prefer not to answer hypotheticals," although he acknowledged under further questioning that such a ticking time-bomb scenario could happen today.

"I would not know how I would respond," Mueller said.

I'm sure others would prefer not to answer hypotheticals, as well.

Oh well.

Hello Sons of the Revolution

Unlike those purveyors of grocery store porn, I actually listened to the new Black Crowes album before commenting on it here. I wouldn't call this a full-fledged review, more of a collection of initial impressions. At first listen, it sounds good; a rich, organic yet not overwhelming vibe, a marriage of Amorica -- still their finest hour, methinks -- and Three Snakes and One Charm, with a smidgen of Zeppelinesque tight-but-loose tossed in the mixture for good measure.

From the slow blues march of Walk Believer Walk to the undulating cosmic rave-up of Wee Who See the Deep (with some groovy and rockin' guitar interplay between Rich Robinson and new guy Luther Dickinson) to the ballad Oh, Josephine (think of a slightly more hopeful Girl From A Pawnshop), Warpaint showcases all of the band's influences and strengths, with a lyrical theme of a possible future, of arrival at something better, threading throughout the album's eleven tracks. A few songs aren't as immediately strong as the rest -- true of any album -- but that's why one must let a new disc simmer in the emotional and aesthetic crock pot for awhile before coming to anything resembling a conclusion.

Warpaint carries a warm, natural feel, a pretty goddamn good release by an experienced band who've benefited from an infusion of new blood. I don't know if it'll win over any converts to the cause, but who cares. They've got their thing and we've got ours, and I think we can all move forward without stabbing each other in the gut with rusty kitchen knives.

This is what happens when you fail your saving throw.

Yeah, I'm probably about the 7,348,225th geek with a blog to point this out, but Dungeons and Dragons co-creator E. Gary Gygax left this mortal coil today. Oh, how many hours we passed playing this damn thing during the pre-internets Dark Ages of the early 1980s.

See kids, when you appear on a Matt Groening television program, you end up a corpse, without fail. Beware.

The Life and Times of The Maverick®

"I can't bear to watch."
"The Ohio returns? The general isn't until November, Senator."
"No, another introduction by Hagee."

Meet Zombie George Allen, our new GM

"I know my son is an idiot. But it's not my fault, I was never home!"

We don't need no stinkin' picks, apparently. So, our first, second and third are gone, in addition to talented, yet often injured, cornerback Leigh Bodden, and in exchange we've netted Brady Quinn, Corey Williams and talented, yet often large, defensive lineman Shaun Rogers. At the present moment, an upgrade because one has shown promise, and the other two have shown it on the field. Well, when Mr. Rogers -- ha! -- is motivated. Please won't you be, my nose tackle. Hi, nose tackle.

Of course, DA is still the big question mark. 29 touchdowns, yay, 19 interceptions -- a few bunched in two heartbreaking, give-it-away losses -- nay. But adding the speedy Donté Stallworth will help. See, dguzman, no creaky Zach Thomas around these parts. Maybe your Cowboys can sign him to help in coverage. I think Amani Toomer is still open. Yeah, that was a low blow, but hey, mon amie, that's what you get for rooting for Pure Evil®!

Night music

Maurizio Pollini playing nocturne no. 8 in D-flat.

Given whom he shacked up with and where he lived most of his adult life and subsequently died, I suppose we could say bonne anniversaire Monsieur Chopin. I have no clue how to say it in Polish, but that matters not. Chopin spoke through the universal language, and beautifully.

Now if you'll excuse me, it's time to get the hell out of Dodge work, spin some of the man's discs, completely forget that politics and the real world even exist, and write.

Contempt? Inherent.

Surprise, surprise, surprise.

U.S. Attorney General Michael Mukasey Friday said he will not ask a federal grand jury to investigate whether two top Bush administration officials should be prosecuted for contempt of Congress.

Didn't he read the Democrats' sternly-worded letters?

"The department has determined that the noncompliance by Mr. Bolten and Ms. Miers with the Judiciary Committee subpoenas did not constitute a crime," Mukasey wrote in a letter to Pelosi.

"Therefore the department will not bring the congressional contempt citations before a grand jury or take any other action to prosecute Mr. Bolten or Ms. Miers."

"I'll take your sternly-worded letter and raise!" Ooh, well played, Mike!

The White House argues that forcing the aides to testify would violate the Constitution's separation of powers.

Working brains argue that utilizing inherent contempt would proudly display a spiny disdain for, you know, law-breaking, unconstitutionality and all-around assholery.

A spokesman for House Republican Leader John Boehner issued a statement Thursday calling Pelosi's request a "partisan political stunt" and "complete waste of time."

Boehner then cried a little. So did I when I realized nothing was going to happen. Well, there's that civil suit, and I'm sure that'll be wrapped up right quick and not end up dragging on like molasses in the dead of an Antarctic winter until getting tossed out on some legalese by a Republican-appointed judge, thereby allowing the politicization of the Department of the Justice to continue unabated.

I guess January 20, 2009 can't get here fast enough, huh.

Unless McCain wins. Oops.