Friday, May 7, 2010

How do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways

One way would be introducing a tire iron to the skull of my increasingly annoying grease monkey asshole neighbor. Sigh. Stupid jail time.


Sherry Peyton said...

As an ex-lawyer, I can only advise not to pick up that tire iron. Now that you have announced before the entire world your desire, I'm thinking that you are really screwed if you do. It would be Murder I if you succeeded, and well, likely to get you the max of any lesser if you don't kill the dude. Have a nice day, my happy friend.

Beach Bum said...

Feel your pain, many of my whining posts about suburbia originate in part because of the neighbor across the street from me.

The guy has had something against me from the time we moved in and it has only gone downhill since then. The only comfort I have found in this situation is that he has similar issues with other neighbors except that I appear to be number one on his shit list.

sunshine said...

Oh gawd!
Someone turned my speakers on full blast and I hit the music! Scared the crap outta me! :P

I say kill the neighbour!


Randal Graves said...

sherry, I speak only in hypotheticals, of course. Until I'm elected pretzeldent, then I can do whatever the hell I want.

BB, oh yeah, I remember your tale about that lunatic. Didn't he have a car or two up on cinder blocks?

sunshine, hope something good was playing! And will you be a character witness if I do?

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

Consider yourself lucky, you bastard. I have a houseful of lawyers next door who get all hopped up on the booze and then fight until the wee hours of the morning about obscure legal points. Loud and boring.

As Californiastan goes into warmer weather, their windows will be open all night and I get to hear it all again.

Shakespeare got it exactly right: First, we kill all the lawyers...


Ps - Eat at Ray's!

Tom Harper said...

I was feeling a little groggy until I clicked on the YouTube. Now I'm wide awake.

Übermilf said...

My poor pussycat! My absence from the internet is wreaking havoc on your nervous system!

You're normally so loving and accepting of your fellow man.

S.W. Anderson said...

Randal, a tire iron to the head lacks subtlety and panache. Instead, rent a truck and hire a couple of strong back-weak mind types. When your neighbor is away, have his stuff moved out of his house to somewhere past the edge of town.

Repeated applications might be necessary, but eventually he's likely to take the hint. ;)

Demeur said...

Sheesh! I go away for a few days and everything goes to hell.
Maybe we could just round up all these clowns and send them to Texastan. They'll fit right in there.

MRMacrum said...

It's always something. If not a neighbor pushing buttons, its a cat puking on the pillow, or some bored department of motor vehicles swabbee telling you that you have waited in line at the wrong window for the last 40 minutes. You want the line at the other other end of the counter.

I think a tire iron should be liberally introduced to quite a few heads. Nevermind my neighbor.

sunshine said...

If I remember correctly, it's a Commandment!
Thou shalt kill thy neighbour. :P

Randal Graves said...

tengrain, drunken lawyers? Yikes, you certainly do have it worse than I. Just desserts for your flower power, hippie!

tom, a little old school Napalm clears the sinuses.

übermilf, you're back, and I still hate my fellow man, so explain that one, smartypants.

SWA, a great idea but he's always home. ;-)

demeur, there's bound to be some brush that needs cutting, some Xanax that needs popping.

mrmacrum, I like the cut of your jib. As for vehicular mindslaughter, can't a decent amount of things be done via the internets these days? The idea of waiting in line at one of those mini-Guantanamos is a frightening notion.

sunshine, I think I read that in the Wicked Bible.