Saturday, June 12, 2010

Bend It Like Bender

Thanks to my love, nay, calling, of helping to shape the hearts and minds of today's young people into aerodynamic objects worthy of being dropped off a cliff, I've got oodles of congés payés that I never use.

Lo, verily HR speaketh & demandeth I must useth it or loseth it.

Thus, after today's swanky footsie, internets invisibility for the majority of the next couple of weeks as I plop my posterior on my semi-comfortable couch in order to watch the beautiful game while participating in the ugly one, i.e., boxing up our crap for the Great Migration of 2010.

Be well, all. Except you, Brazil.

Halftime P.S. I miss the first 20 or so minutes on the way to work, and of course the Koreans don't want no freaks, up 1-0, making my Greek "sleeper" more of eleven shambling somnambulists.

Fulltime P.S. Defensive breakdown, it's always the same. I'm havin' a nervous breakdown, drive Athens insane.

Halftime P.P.S. What we learned: Argentina ain't too shabby (should be up 2-0, 3-0), Nigeria is game (nice dive before half, dude) and Maradona owns/is renting a suit that makes him look like a shaggy Paulie from the Rocky flicks.

Fulltime P.P.S. Hey ESPN, if I wanted impressionism, I'd head to Giverny, dig up Monet's bones and reanimate them. Speaking of reanimation, Diego might want to try the local muti on his team's feet. Finish!

Halftime P.P.P.S. We can't pass (sometimes), we can't defend (sometimes), but it's 1-1. Go on, blame the ball, you fucks! HAHAHAHAHA!

Fulltime P.P.P.S. Concerning Mr. Tim Fucking Howard, Robbie, you are no doubt Green with envy. Groan all you want, we'll take the point. We'd also like a creative midfield type, send your CV to the USMNT c/o the U.S. Soccer Federation, Chicago, Illinois 60616.


David Barber said...

Just got my computer back. Good luck with your packing. Where are you going? Will be in touch later. Muahhahahaha!!

Randal Graves said...

Same crap town, but away from the drunken parking lot and my awful cracker neighbor. Four hours until the beatdown begins, Churchill!

susan said...

I hope your down time is as unproductive as necessary. Keep safe and keep on laughing.

Übermilf said...

I don't know what the hell you're talking about.

I like the giant dung beetle picture from the downstairs post. It's the perfect metaphor for this blog.

La Belette Rouge said...

I so want you to go to Giverny and reanimate Monet. That would be awesome. Come on, Dr. FrankenRandal. I know you can do it.

I did watch the Shikera(sp?) heavy show last night that was a celebration of this unmerikan sport. That is as far as I can go. Last night during a perfectly delightful Peruvian dinner I had to hear about the change up in the Pac10 and where Boise is going. Isn't that enough football for one weekend.

Demeur said...

Doth this mean we won't have the Graves to slap around for a couple of weeks? But what will us 99ers do with our time? Soon to be relegated to rabbit ears and library net.

Randal Graves said...

susan, I hope it's magnificently productive because then I can enjoy the subsequent peace & quiet. But, best laid plans, yabba dabba doo.

übermilf, not my fault you aren't s-m-r-t.

LBR, but what if, instead of wishing to paint lilies, he tries to eat my brain? Better bring a shotgun just in case.

You left out Nebraska going to the Big 10+1, which I suppose makes us the new Big 12, unless we add Notre Dame, the Big 13. Jason Voorhees can be the league mascot.

demeur, now don't be posting pictures of naked ladies. Save those for when I get back.

Übermilf said...

What's "smrt" mean? I don't get it. I'm confused. My head hurts now.

They have impressionism paintings in our art institute. you should come to chicago so I can hug you.

Übermilf said...

What's "smrt" mean? I don't get it. I'm confused. My head hurts now.

They have impressionism paintings in our art institute. you should come to chicago so I can hug you.

sunshine said...

Seriously, how long have you been waiting to use that title??

The boys are watching the States vs England game right now.

Me? I froze my ass off down at the soccer pitch this morning for 3 hours. In the wind, cold and rain. Right now, I'm giving soccer the finger.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and produce some soft porn to show everyone while you are busy moving. Of course I'll remove it before you get back to look at it.

Ciao for Niao..

Tom Harper said...

Have fun boxing up your crap. Sounds like you'll be going to a better place. Ahem -- maybe I should rephrase that previous sentence.

David Barber said...

What a f*****g gift! Taxi for Green!

Randal Graves said...

übermilf, a classic Simpsons reference. Don't tell me you wasted your youth watching Masterpiece Theatre.

A hug? You're on drugs, aren't you.

sunshine, you would do that, wouldn't you. I hope the next game is even colder. Hmph!

tom, it's possible that I might die while away. Make sure no one loots my stuff.


TomCat said...

Hang in there Randal. Don't become infected with sanity in the moving process.

Übermilf said...

You know what I should've done? Started blogging again as soon as you stopped. And then people would've thought we were the same person. Did they ever see us in the same place at the same time???

David Barber said...

You lucky b******s! :-)

Randal Graves said...

tomcat, no worries, I'm too dumb to become too normal.

übermilf, I think your boobs and my lack of boobs would give it away.

david, you guys have a crappy goalkeeper, we have a crappy defense. It all balances out in the end. ;-)

Lisa said...

May your move be uneventful.

Why are you picking on Brazil? I mean, I have my reasons, but you? What gives?

okjimm said...

1-1 !!!!!! Ha!!! Take that England!!!

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

Make sure you bring your papers if you are migrating. They will run your kind out of the country.



Beach Bum said...

Moving sucks, but I would love to get away from these peckerheads I'm around myself. Looking forward to your return.

Ricky Shambles said...

You know that soccer is, like Obama, the downfall of America. Just in case you did't hear Glenn Beck for the last week.

S.W. Anderson said...

See comments for your previous post, where in a moment of apparent disorientation (how could that happen on your blog, hmmm?) I left a couple of well-oriented thoughts.

Or, just go back to whatever you were doing. :)

boc said...

When I saw that suit I thought: Al Capone with shaggy hair!


Freida Bee, MD said...

See, I understand you like no other. HR is making you use your vacation days. What sort of slacker are you? Take it from me, except for the disappearing from the blogoshere. I actually returned with a post and a comment, not just a comment. Muchos lovas- del una cunta in absentia.

Dr. Zaius said...

I have been watching a lot Futurama lately. New season soon!