USA wins group blah blah blah* defending champ Italy out pass Cannavaro a walker yawn yawn yawn. What you all should be praising the soccer gods, and their sage acolyte, the inscrutable wizard Diego, for is the lowly Hondurans lulling those anathemas to attacking beauty, the fucking Swiss, out of the tournament. Good riddance.
Did you watch Spain vs. Chile? Of course you did. That's what we want.
Minus the vaguely Anschlussian homage of the final ten minutes and that awful fucking dive I'm looking at you Fernando Torres and that awful fucking yellow & red for (maybe, maybe) the most inadvertent of contact I'm looking at you Julian Rodriguez Santiago. Sheesh.
Though a shot of referee-priced booze for Limey Howard Webb demanding in that gruff Brit schoolmaster way the Slovaks cease and desist with such impudent fakery. Comical.
As for the shining path ahead, don't get cocky. Ghana can't score, but they don't concede either and, assuming we slip past, are we certainly superior to South Korea or, more likely, the Uruguayans? Still, a semifinal appearance is not out of the realm of extreme possibility, and only Bob Bradley on acid would have accepted that crazy fuckery when qualifying started so many moons ago.
*honestly, I let out a rebel yell that scared the hell out of our cats when Donovan scored
FIVE FUCKING MINUTES P.S. YOU STUPID FUCKS WHY CAN'T YOU EVER NOT CONCEDE A FUCKING GOAL IN THE FIRST TEN FUCKING MINUTES? MORONS! 0-1.
TEN FUCKING MINUTES P.S. We'll make Boateng into Cruyff. We have the power. I'm angry Jerry. Angry and tired.
EIGHTEEN FUCKING MINUTES P.S. Dear patrons, each time you come into the library, I have to run away from the television and towards the desk to help you when I don't really want to. You understand, now fuck off.
THIRTY FUCKING MINUTES P.S. Auf wiedersehen Clark, may you be deafened by vuvuzelas for all eternity.
FUCKING HALFTIME P.S. Ugly as a really ugly thing. If someone would've told me we'd play that disorganized yet only be down a goal, I'd shake his hand and stroll off 'a smilin'.
FORTY-NINE FUCKING MINUTES P.S. Playing with urgency in the second half after lack of lustrous everything, didn't see that coming.
SIXTY FUCKING MINUTES P.S. Sure wish we had the ref from Spain-Chile. Yellow cards aplenty!
SIXTY-THREE FUCKING MINUTES P.S. In the immortal words of Flava Flav, yeeeaaaah boyyyyy. 1-1.
EIGHTY FUCKING MINUTES P.S. Editor's note: elbowing is now permitted.
FUCKING FULLTIME P.S. One bourbon, one scotch and one beer.
NINETY-THIRD FUCKING MINUTE P.S. THIS ISN'T THE BEGINNING OF THE GAME YOU FUCKS JESUS MOTHERFUCKING CHRIST ON A STICK DIPPED IN HYDROCHLORIC ACID. 1-2.
HALFTIME OF FUCKING ET P.S. So, when do we tie it up, 119th, 120th or stoppage time?
108th FUCKING MINUTE P.S. Ghana, stop it. Hope you're happy with this bush league shit, Sepp.
110th FUCKING MINUTE P.S. "Yes, very happy, now I shall rub my hands together most Blofeldian."
116th FUCKING MINUTE P.S. Blah.
120th FUCKING MINUTE P.S. Blah. Yes, I'm wasting time.
FULLTIME OF FUCKING ET P.S. Go Uruguay.