Saturday, June 19, 2010

I would blog 500 miles

His job is more fun than my job.

And you would blog 500 more. 502, to be exact. Despite the monumental task lain before me upon this island gig, utter detachment from everything save footie was, and is, completely worth it. Blogging, even in the low-heat, haphazard slapdash style performed by yours truly, is hard work. I might even rather shift boxes of books. Fuck, that was tiring, almost as exhausting as blogging.

Anyway, a few of the things I've learned this past week away from you dapper flappers: I picked Mexico and Uruguay to emerge from Group A, the who-cares-not-us frogs crashing and burning and so far, so good. I am so S-M-R-T.

Greece was to be my drunken, off-the-wall "sleeper," a term used quite loosely as they would be fodder for either of the above teams, and so far, almost good. I remain so S-M-R-T, at least until the Greeks get bombed in the last match.

The Yanks have courage and pluck and truckload of first-half Clerks slack while the Limeys have permanently codified their position as the poster boys of the sum of the parts is greater than the whole. The next time Frank Lampard passes, he'll likely break out in a nasty rash. Awful, fucking awful eye burn, though not as fucking awful a disgrace as ♪ we all live in a yellow card machine ♫ or worse, Stevie Wonder. Since FIFA prizes nothing more than transparency, I'm sure we'll get an answer.

The second of the seven apocalyptic signs is here:

Germany missed a penalty shot.

No one had more touches in the opponent's box in their first group game than Spain's whopping 49, promptly losing 1-0 to the fucking Swiss. A shot of civil servant-priced booze to the internets soccer Nostradamus.

Know who didn't lose to an inferior opponent? Crazy Diego and His Merry Band of Dribblers. Fuck off, Spaniards, I'm rooting for a team that can finish. Manos, Hand of God!

Now, cut back on the posting this upcoming week or you're getting one of these.


David Barber said...

We'll hopefully do it the hard way. I've got to say though, this world Cup, up to now, has got to be one of the worst ever.

Fingers crossed...and evrything else. :-)

Liberality said...

World Cup? What's that, the communal drinking vessel? :) I kid, I kid...

Demeur said...

So it's back to work with you is it? Well then so you won't miss out we're sending vuvuzelas, thousands of them. Should help motivate when you carry those boxes of books. As in must get away from the noise. But then I forgot you listen to the outer limits of music.

okjimm said...

Ya...what David said. Most of the matches remind me of my former marriage.... NIL-NIL.

Randal Graves said...

david, you're just saying that because your side sucks. ;-)

Way too much cautionary play in the first group of games, but there are few teams that are actually trying to play attacking football. Or hell, at least counter w/o launching the goddamn ball every time.

liberality, it will be if I have to watch another match the calibre of England-Algeria!

demeur, just today but there was a story, can't remember where I saw it, the Guardian maybe, where some chick ruptured her throat in a vuvuzela contest. Heh.

okjimm, now that's not fair. Plenty of 1-0 grinders, too.

Christopher said...

The U.S. was robbed.

The referee should be tarred and feathered for his shitty call.

Tom Harper said...

I'd blog 500 miles for a vuvuzela.

S.W. Anderson said...

Let's take it easy on the Spaniards. I don't think we've gone out of our way to badmouth, insult, bomb or invade them, at least not in a very long time, so there's a chance there for cordial relation.s

Cormac Brown said...

Let's pelt that goal disallowing referee with vuvuzelas.

sunshine said...

La, la, la...
Nice to see you back babes. You've been missed.
Glad that you are enjoying the world cup. It's big here at our house as well.. :P


susan said...

I don't know much about futbol but you did mention one of the best bad movies of all time near the end there. "I am Torgo. I take care of the place while the Master is away."

Beach Bum said...

As yet another example of the highly cosmopolitan people I find myself living around I heard a couple snickering while watching ESPN over how they thought the sportscaster was stupid for continually calling the the soccer scenes playing on the screen behind him "football."

The only thing I found unusual about the whole thing was that I felt no urge whatsoever to either correct or groan at the ignorance.

Holte Ender said...

I think it is a great World Cup so far, am enjoying it immensely, should be a riveting week, and then the really juicy games begin.

Dr. Zaius said...

Is there a woman's soccer league? Do they wear bikinis?

Nunly said...

Heck, I just got back to I can take another vacation? Cool. :-)

Übermilf said...

"touches in the opponent's box" sounds more exciting than it is.

Randal Graves said...

christopher, the decision-making power of FIFA's arbiters has magically vanished over the last few days.

tom, just don't blow too hard or you'll rupture your throat.

SWA, are you saying that you deny our Super Magical Jesus Baby-given right to bomb whoever the hell we want? Traitor!

cormac, hearing those for eternity is a punishment worthy of Dante.

sunshine, being eye-talians, do you guys practice diving, too?

susan, such a fine flick, I wish I was watching it right now.

BB, a wee bit more accurate than our usage of the term.

holte, it's really picked up over the second series of games and the fact that so many of the groups are tight is good for us fans, not too many stars rested, hopefully.

dr. zaius, if there was, believe me, I'd know about it.

nunly, sure, in fact, take the rest of the summer off!

übermilf, not being able to use your hands means you simply must be more creative.