Tuesday, September 14, 2010

C'mon down, you're on the Price Is Variable According To The Whims Of Our Corporate Overlords!*

"Up for bid, the 2012 presidency, closest without going over. Ralph?"
"5 million, Drew, and by the way the Democrats and Repub --"
"Yeah, yeah, that's nice. Sarah?"
"Gosh, 800 million."
"What's the top bid again?"
"The top bid is 800 million."
"I'd like to bid, um, 800 million and one!"

*I haven't done one of these in months, and I don't know why because they're tailor-made for lazy bastards like yours truly, so thanks to Ethan for unintended, belated inspiration via the goofiest pretzeldential shot I've seen in eons. What, you thought I was going to postmortem the Clowns? Sure, & then I'm going to watch replays of The Drive & The Fumble, walk on hot coals, break into & subsequently romp through a federal bioweapons lab, inject air bubbles into my circulatory system, at last high diving into a vat of hydrochloric acid, the scythe of embolism striking whilst airborne.

P.S. I just got called sir. Saturn, a pox on thee.


Lisa said...

I read bioweapons lab as blowjob lab.

I think I should either get glasses or stop thinking about science.

Anonymous said...

US Army General Peter Ugilist, commander of Ft Detrick, has put the Frederick, MD Police Dept on full alert. They fear someone is planning to break into the grounds.

Randal Graves said...

lisa, are you saying this entire post is about cunnilingus?

charles, I'm only going there so I can get directions on how to get away from there.

Liberality said...

I hate it when I am ma'am. It's a sign of respect though and I could be called much worse I guess so I should just get over it.

Tom Harper said...

I've gotta caption: "Damn, I can't find my F$#!%#! cigarettes anywhere and I'm having a nic fit. They better be on that damn podium, 'cause that's the last place I haven't looked!"

Ethan said...

Ahhhh, hahahaha, nicely done, Randal.

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

This post is not worthy of you. It is worthy of me.



Demeur said...

Sorry Randal little did I know that the Seapigs would make mincemeat out of San Fran. I won't rub it in... Not!

susan said...

Your caption won so now I don't have to think of one.. or is he mistaking the podium for a urinal?

I tend to think only the police and military use 'sirs and maams'

Beach Bum said...

At least the Colts and the Cowboys lost so I am happy. It would have been better if Peyton's skull had been crushed but I'll take what I can get.

Randal Graves said...

liberality, I remember being here as a student worker and now the 'old enough to be their parents' bit has struck. What's your suggestion in a versatile walker?

tom, hmm, do you think nicotine fits could be behind past pretzeldential lunacy?

ethan, thanks, but man, slim pickings in the Yahoo slideshow this week.

tengrain, it's *that* bad?

demeur, only Pete Carroll and Pete Carroll's mom figured they'd win. I still say it's a fluke, just as it was a fluke that Derek Anderson didn't throw a pick.

susan, those beers pre-presser'll go right through you.

BB, could this at last be the Texans year? Shit, watch Schaub replay last year and Foster turn out to be RB version of Kurt Warner as a fucking expansion team wins the bowl while the Browns fail yet again fucking hell.

Susan Tiner said...

You are a funny guy. I liked your comment on Lisa's blog about breathing through your nose when looking at porn.

800,000,001 :-).