Saturday, May 21, 2011

Another stupid summer

Summer begins in earnest today, not seasonally, but scholarly, all compressed heat & sweat & stench in the collective tower of ivory head, a hydra of students, staff, fire-breathing faculty (not entirely true, some are cool) & hangers-on various & annoying & that's all before the weather's mentioned.

Such humidity, such bright blight turning salt back on its excretory beast, the creature a walking tequila, just add lime, or the lemon of the inexorable, monolithic, omnipresent four/four drone with no backbeat, spirit beat back into unlife. Brains! Have one, wish had one from the great & powerful lion.

Melodramatic, a bit, bien sûr, for less is indeed more, less bodies means less headaches tonight until flesh & bone unfold twisting tongues, while I cool in a stupor of synapses swimming the jolly seas of crazy descendants, Kynge's Brewe, daguerreotyping, awful versifying & heaping bowls of Englished snark.

One way or the other, I hope my heart doesn't stop because, since ghosts don't exist, I wouldn't get to poltergeist anyone's house & how cool would that be.


Mary Ellen/Nunly said...

I would come back and haunt you after I die..throw a few things off your shelves, move the chair out just before you sit down, and other fun stuff, but I think I'm going to be busy in heaven. From what I hear, the sushi bar there is to die for.

Looks like I won't be raptured tonight, though. I'm Catholic so that automatically disqualifies me due to the "whore of Babylon clause". Can't catch a break.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Oh, so that's another reason I'll still be around tomorrow, M.E.Nunly?

I'm guessing Randal's not going either, so we'll still have him to kick around.

okjimm said...

//heaping bowls of Englished snark. //

oooooh ooooh Iza wantz some of dat.....

Chef Cthulhu said...

R'lyeh is great in summer - always dark and cool. The architecture kicks ass, too.

Nunly - the cool thing about being Catholic is you can loot all the crap the fundies leave behind and then go to confession. It's win-win, I tell ya.

Randal Graves said...

nunly, sushi? That's not heaven, that's hell. And being Babylon's whore is a bit better than being Babylon's Congressional page. Wait.

if, not unless the rapture doesn't pull anyone off the surface and instead mutates & I turn into Nixon.

okjimm, unless thou be a discipyle of Popery!

chef, why settle for a suntan when you can have the Innsmouth look?

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

Is the river on fire yet? That's when summer really begins.

Barbecue at Ray's -- all you can eat.



Tom Harper said...

"a walking tequila" -- Now that's something I'd like to see. I'll have to see it soon, since I expect to be whisked up to Heaven any minute now.

Beach Bum said...

Saw Jesus at the beach today, asked him about the Rapture and he said it was cancelled on account of such nice weather. Then he made bushels of corn chips from one bag and turned the ocean water into beer.

The party was blast and the Jesus dude can really play volleyball. By the way, Mary Magdalene is smoking hot in a bikini.

thatgirl said...

I love that song so much.

It was spooky to see the haze over the towering slabs of downtown.

Heaping bowls of Englished snark might sound bland to the uninitiated, but are most excellent for the physicke.

Randal Graves said...

tengrain, jeez grasshopper, patience. Give us time to illegally dump enough extra chemicals in to light the mafia body dumps & industrial runoff.

tom, I even broke out the red vino for the occasion & I find myself buzzing to tunes, but the good book's apparently right after all, "for you do not know when Cthulhu will come."

BB, how much toking have you done so far?

thatgirl, aside from rocking like a mofo, paste eaters!

Was hoping to convey that, because there was nary a cloud in the sky. It wasn't as deep as that brown August haze, but we're getting there.

And with such a medicinall, one need not follow the Muscovites and use the healynge bacteriall of the stomack.

Demeur said...

We out here Seattle way must be damned for sure. Overcast and raining off and on here. This is where Grunge began you know. And no Cobain didn't rise from the dead to join us left behind today either.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

BB, how much toking have you done so far?

Just for the halibut!

I typed that into youtube.

Demeur said...

if, way too high tech.

Out here we smoke salmon. The trick is getting into the pipe.

Mary Ellen/Nunly said...

If- I plan on kicking Randal around even if I have to come back from the dead to do it. He'll be having Pat Boone dreams for the rest of his life. Bwhahahahaha!

Chef- you made me laugh so hard with that comment that I almost fell off my chair...and it's a good thing I didn't because then I would have cussed a lot and had even more to confess this week.

Randal- My biggest concern about the heavenly menu is whether I will be able to get Devil's food cake 'cuz I'm not a big fan of Angel food cake. I hope I don't have to travel south every time I want chocolate cake. Sheesh.

susan said...

By the time I finished reading all the comments I forgot what the point of the post was. Then again..

Did I tell you the cruise ships dock next to our grocery store? It's been so foggy around here we noticed the captain of one newly parked holding a nautical map and asking one of the shopping cart retrievers for directions.

Randal Graves said...

demeur, that's because he's busy working Burger King to get some smack off Staley.

if, it's 6:33, man. Hmm, doesn't have the same ring to it.

nunly, don't get me started on that jazz. If you can't eat chocolate then you can't have any cake. Too bad for you. Have a bagel.

susan, do my posts ever really have a point? Can't blame Popeye, icebergs on the North Sea and if he goes down, I doubt James Cameron will be making a film about a doomed cargo ship. Unless it involves extraterrestrials. You guys have any of those up there?

S.W. Anderson said...

Summer is a time when you don't have to bundle up to go outside. Windshields don't need scraping. Walks and driveways don't need shoveling. Dogs don't get stuck to fire hydrants. Quitcherbitchin', my good man, and enjoy a hot dog incinerated outdoors and cool brew.

Re: the musical selection: Brings to mind a really bad headache I once had after several hours in the Big Apple followed by 45 minutes in the fumes-ridden Port Authority building, followed by a ride on the wheelie bus from hell through an hour's worth of kill-or-be-killed rush-hour traffic. And not an aspirin to be had. Thanks.

Randal Graves said...

Summer is a time when you're woken up at 3am by beanpole, backwards baseball-capped cracker wannabe gangsters thumping their bass through an open window and can't get back to sleep because you're swimming in a pool of sweat in lieu of black marketing a kidney to pay for the electric bill which might not be a bad idea so you don't feel you have to take a cold shower after you just took a cold shower two hours later and every time you're reminded of what season it is with each briny drop off the brow into the eye and each caravan of balding over-tattooed bandanas doing Easy Rider cosplay.

You got that from *that* song? Between that and your irrational hatred of winter, you might be too old even for your tapioca. :)

S.W. Anderson said...

Randal, I'm young enough to discern nonsense when it's proffered. You posit electricity for cooling in summer would cost you a vital organ, but presumably der elves from der forest keep your abode supplied with wood, coal, peat moss, compromised nuclear plant drippings or clapboard off the side of a neighbor's home for winter warmth, for free. I don't think so.

Turn on the air conditioner, wear earplugs to bed and let your body get acclimated to warm weather; you'll be fine.

thatgirl said...

Easy Rider cosplay's Tokyo is Geneva on the Lake.