Friday, May 27, 2011

Polish that Polish

What was originally scheduled to run --

Glass concerto in gutter minor.

Oui, I've got some Sobieski & Chopin in my veins*, but none of the former's martial prowess** nor the latter's artistic talent, but the Polish I'm talking about is lower-case, a synonym of the single most important facet of any human being's life, particularly in this post-postmodern life: image.

Given that doppelgängers are, like leprechauns, extinct, I cannot reduce yesterday's uncharacteristic feline outburst to mere chicanery, nor can I chalk it up to drunken idiocy because the flask in my desk*** is empty. But, the top priority -- hold all my calls, hallucinatory secretary -- is the careful repair of this fugly mug.

Thus, your humble host, true:

[uncharacteristic video]

Sniff, I've been living a lie. Sob.

*not literally as even if I was a vampire, a plausibility given my aversion to sunlight, they've long turned to dust & only Christopher Lee came back to life after being reduced to the contents of a vial.
**speaking of undead blood drinkers, I can beat the original Castlevania sans triple shot cross though probably not when really blotto but it's always good to challenge oneself.
***the reader can judge whether I'm bullshitting or not on one or both counts.

-- & all that was needed was an uncharacteristic video, had a few juggling in the cranium, but then serendipity's doppelgänger, apparently not extinct, rose up & in lieu of breathing fire or lightning bolts or toxic fumes or a cone of cold, cleared its garbled throat to demagogue Seriously® about, even money odds, image.

Specifically, the image presented in tandem by myself & a certain ethnic coworker when playing the role of the institution's public face, committing the heinous felony, the crime against humanity of -- enjoying each other's company.

Douchebag micromanager. Not pictured: the other douchbag micromanagers.

Given the walking, talking shells that shamble about the place in their soulless professional -- parse that hideous word & all it contains & become an alcoholic crackhead freebaser -- mien, meeting & strategizing & shifting paradigmatic conceptuals when not penning condescending emails to higher ups who in turn email their own permutations of condescension especially to one not me, not to mention those even-less-esteemed-than-yours-truly & rightly so members of the Peonage that cell phone the day away amidst other rank garbage that shivs in the back comrades sharing a time block of duty, 'tis comical that the appearance of a happy Peonage giving lie to the always-an-issue staff morale is the threat to the omnipresent Sword of Austerity's toady, the rotund Sir Overstaff.

"Smiling, laughing? At work? If thou set precedent, pandemonium! "

Corporate culture: making petty assholes feel good about being petty assholes.
Everything else: everything else.

Well, better contact all those students, staff & faculty that specifically come to us because we know what the hell we're doing that we are now dour professionals. What's a good color for a power tie?


thatgirl said...

We should start wearing more yellow and purple. Colors of power and all.
Maybe then we'll be taken more seriously.

Randal Graves said...

And then we can drive our motorcycles on the sidewalk & park wherever the hell we want.

I've always wanted to project power like NATO.

thatgirl said...

This is why I hate working under women.

Muammar Gaddafi rocks the colors of power, and look what that's gotten him. Bad prose and a bombed out country.

Randal Graves said...

Of course, you're all so flighty & emotional.

Bombing, I understand, but bad prose? Even Stop fasting when you see the new moon & The suicide of the astronaut? Those are classics of the form.

thatgirl said...

Nothing like a little structural sexism to brighten up a misty day.

Randal Graves said...

What's wrong with being sexy?

Ladies and gentlemen, direct from hell, the library.

Anonymous said...

I dunno about the Leelee, but I know that when it comes to Show-Pan, I think "choppin" as in "choppin' wood" and therefore I think of Dino Junior and J Mascis.

Now I gotta go play Green Mind.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

"Smiling, laughing? At work? If thou set precedent, pandemonium! "

A fellow I used to work with long ago was fond of these two phrases:

If it was fun, they wouldn't call it work.

If you're laughing, you're not working.

Randal Graves said...

karl, Jan, sir, and Lo-pan is one of my favorite movie characters, though the real star was Egg Shen.

if, sounds like a micromanager with too much time on his hands. He'd fit right in!

okjimm said...

Everything else: everything else. ~

but that is something else again altogetherish

S.W. Anderson said...

Randal "enjoying each other's company" can cover a lot of territory. However, if the image you and your ethnic co-worker presented was at least more vertical than horizontal, the wretched powers that be would do better to concentrate on apple polishing, if not outright groveling, before the throne of H.R.H John the 1st (rhymes with worst), in hopes of securing dispensations against a future of Wal Mart greetery for themselves.

Randal Graves said...

okjimm, only on Fridays.

SWA, per coworker statute 37.25.116c, shuffling's vertical. Be nice if actual, verifiable douchebaggery was a concern to trolls, but in that respect, it's just like DC/Wall Street, so we're in good company.

susan said...

I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.

- John Cleese

Demeur said...

I hear micromanaging is in this year. Especially when those remaining of higher rank must justify their overlord status, belittle the peonage and hide their incompetence.

Beach Bum said...

Corporate culture: making petty assholes feel good about being petty assholes.
Everything else: everything else.


Can't wait for the revolution! I volunteer to be the man chopping off the heads.