Saturday, May 28, 2011

So this is what it's like to be single & a geek, or, Saturday night's alright for fighting personal demons & wizards


Of course I avoided acting the part of Lawnmower Man -- three more chances & lack of blood n' guts (just add haruspicy) was thumbs-up worthy -- sat instead in deep meditation [ed. note: a lie] before Heinekening the Champions League final [ed. note: Barcelona is pretty good] at which point the sometimes-better-half & lunatic offspring shuffled off to the in-laws, though whether I wasn't requested due to my vast interest in the game (heads), that I'm last season's accessory (tails, but black's always in style) or an unforeseen reason (side, like that old Twilight Zone ep) is too complex a question for a blog post especially this slacker affair not that I would have left the comfort of the carpet unless it was imitating a 70s disaster flick -- the inferno, not the frog army or runaway jetliner kind -- & all I know is that I've had the place to myself for far longer than I can consciously recall, no I didn't Karaoke sans machine & outer layers because I can't afford therapy for our cats.

So, a life of quiet desperation the thrill-a-minute circus sideshow two-headed-fetus-in-a-jar of Evel Knievel & Lance Murdock that I experience every day:

Glossed a copy of the Necronomicon cleverly disguised.

Laid on the floor staring at the ceiling --

-- paused long enough to shoot the wall.

Screamed at myself to shamble out of pretend sleep & spend time more fruitfully by recklessly driving through an orange barrel maze that I swear was there don't care they didn't appear on screen to crash in DVD land. Au moins no one died.

No one besides good taste.

Dammit, I still have to cut the grass & work on my material 'cause this is all but a repeat of yesterday, warped along with fish-headed monkeys & alligator-skinned bearded ladies in funhouse mirrors, though if I'm feeling generous & I'm not sure just yet if I am especially to myself, all this uninspired internets is the ostensible price for "inspired" writing which probably isn't as writer's block currently isn't & that's as rare as Halley's comet visiting the Large Magellanic Cloud so roll ballpoint, roll because tomorrow's forecast is dry. I know those omens, there's an insomnia coming. Fucking second wind.


Lisa said...

Your Saturday night looks superior to mine. Coupon sorting and Big Bang Theory reruns. With beer.

Demeur said...

If all else fails there's always clipping the cats' nails, cleaning out the litter box or making creative things from belly button lint.

As for writing I'm sure Wikipedia is always looking for more (citations needed).

Freida Bee said...

Or, you could watch porn.

Randal Graves said...

lisa, alcoholic beverages are a wash, I think I got the rerun edge via Daria, but you saved beaucoup loot. Call it a draw. This would make an unappealing game show.

demeur, litter boxes were in fact cleaned, plus there was some vacuuming, but such domesticity ruins the illusion.

"Many said this rules." [who?] An internets Where's Waldo.

FB, I'm waiting for it to appear for free on the internets.

susan said...

No consuming of chocolate and pickeled onions while sitting in a bubble bath? Perhaps something to look forward to for next time.

Beach Bum said...

The deeply disturbing thing about my Saturday nights is that I dimly remember actually going out and having fun at the beach, a bar, or just a movie at the theater.

Now around 9:00pm most Saturday nights I just want to settle in with a beer and DVD, I just don't have the energy anymore. Middle age sucks.

Randal Graves said...

susan, only had pickled eggs in the fridge & as anyone knows, that's more of an after-bubble bath snack.

BB, trying to work on finding extra energy for a more effective campaign of getoffmylawnism, but at my current 37, or 27 or 17, Saturdays haven't really mutated over time (aside from more booze & less hair), a side-effect of being antisocial.

TheCunningRunt said...

No good deed goes unpunished, including (and especially ) mowing the lawn. Beware of tick-on-the-dick syndrome.

Oh, and that ceiling shot was priceless. I'm gonna have to steal that idea.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Holy crap, is it Sunday already?

Don't sell yourself short, Randal, I've only posted twice in the last 8 days.

You are putting me to shame with your work ethic!

Randal Graves said...

TCR, how about sticking with your fancy shmancy electrifying slices of nature & life & leave the crap for us hacks.

if, hmm, I have been posting more than normal. Oh, laziness, I've missed you.

Laura said...

I'm trying to remember what I did last night....... hmmmm.

I believe I was still sighing with relief that my drunken son made it home from "Prom" in one piece.
I think that I watched something on PBS too....
Then I went to bed and fell asleep at 9:30pm.

How's all that for excitment?!


thatgirl said...

yay for Daria, days off, and non-writer's block.

The prospect of Randal karaoke is awesomely terrible indeed. No metal claw or air guitaring in the living room either?

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

You could have played virtual tennis on the WII with some teenage nymphette with a high backhand and low morals. Oh, wait.



Randal Graves said...

laura, you mean you didn't provide him with guards and a Popemobile? That's what you get for falling asleep early to the drone of the teevee, which I've never done.

thatgirl, perhaps a bit of half-assed headbanging, but unless there's an Autopsy or Pestilence track on the machine, it's best I not pollute with non-key warbling.

tengrain, wait, indeed. Unlike you Californistanians, us midwesterners have moral fibre. Plus I'm only decent at Wii bowling.

Anonymous said...

Elton John and Uriah Heep?

S.W. Anderson said...

Your consideration for the cats is commendable.

BTW, if you're fortunate enough to get a second wind, try not to break it. ;)

Randal Graves said...

karl of the österreich, on tour at a venue near you!

SWA, cats are usually much nicer than people & why would I not want to honor the Tap?

Ricky Shambles said...

"the wall" right. Glad you finally got a shot of the alien with the giant dong, even if it's only hips down.