Tuesday, May 31, 2011

War, and most everything else, is a racket & I hate tennis

Now that everyone's done having a collective orgasm over war, glorious war, can we get back to chowing down on leftover barbecue?*

Serve your country by slowing the gas guzzler down. Unless it's a politician & don't worry about an alibi, I've got it, 100 minutes of mowing myriad lawns drains that nervous sweat into a black tee wrung inside the freshly-cut perfume not as alluring as the apocryphal "they" say it is, always permeating the breeze with impunity far more than necessary save today since the column of garbage marching through the field of tree lawns has refused since Friday to relinquish its duty of standing guard against freshness, already rare in a desert heat strangling 5am strolls, struck down by the funereal salt brow drowning the brain, incapacitating us of a colder bent, those glass eaters suffering their annual bout of Solstice Syndrome, nuts for the sunburst. Save us Lake Erie, save us.

*in the interest of transparency, dinner was pizza, but I'm an -ist.


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

That's what you get for having a lawn.

okjimm said...

//Serve your country by slowing the gas guzzler down.//

too early in the day for a sensible thought. I couldn't slow down the beer guzzler last night.

Liberality said...

I too am hungover Jim. Eh, that wine is wicked stuff--two glasses and I'm toast.

Good after-memorial day to you too Randal! :)

Randal Graves said...

if, oh, it's decent exercise, & I could use some, just not when 'feels like' is 96°.

okjimm, shit, you're right, much too early. Apologies.

liberality, can't comment, must go to war with those leftovers!

Mary Ellen/Nunly said...

Dammit Randal...do the patriotic thing and hire an illegal Mexican to cut your lawn. What kind of American are you? ;-)

Anonymous said...

Heard a man tell of a green-painted asphalt yard. Some call it a "tennis court."

Tom Harper said...

Not so fast, I'm not finished with my wargasm yet.

S.W. Anderson said...

Wish I could send you some of the 13-degrees-below-average, with wind, weather we ended last week with. Chattering of teeth isn't supposed to be among the sounds of almost summer, IMO.

Wish you could send some of your unwanted heat this way. Somewhere, supposedly, it's just right.

Laura said...

My gawd it's hot!! I think I'll hop into my gas guzzling extended van (thank you very much) and crank the A/C. I won't go anywhere, just idle the engine. That's not harmful... is it???

Oh hang on a second ... the teenagers have got the (formally named "Mom Van" now called the "Man Van").. off to God knows where.
The poor Milf mobile... going around corners on two wheels. *sniff*

BBQ sounds really good right now.. :)


susan said...

I think they should use that green asphalt on the golf courses too and dig them a couple of potholes while they're at it. How about land mines in the rough? You may be on to something here.

Dusty,Hells most vocal Bitch said...

Look, I bought a friggin 4 cyl car..isn't that enough fer christs sake? I HATE 4 cyl cars, in fact I hate all cars that don't go 100 mph in a couple of seconds.

Since the back surgery couple of months ago, I haven't been able to drive that damn 4 cyl car anyway...so I guess bitching about it doesn't count right? ;p

Beach Bum said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Beach Bum said...

Now that everyone's done having a collective orgasm over war, glorious war...

Dammit man, we have Libya and now Yemen in the que for America to bring the gifts of democracy and free market capitalism. No time to get all lazy. Anyway, this is all just the warm up for the main event with China in twenty to thirty years.

Demeur said...

Graves you bastard you! You've managed to steal all the warm weather. But if it gets too hot there just know that ski season has been extended into June here.

So what has the evil Dr. Graves invented a weather machine and plans for taking over the world?

Randal Graves said...

nunly, you're right, I need to ratchet up my corporate side more.

karl of the österreich, a pox upon that sport!

tom, be sure to clean up when you're done, we never do.

SWA, sir, I'd be completely in favor of a trade. Can you throw in a hoagie and a Ryne Sandberg rookie card?

laura, no, no, don't be American, smoke your weed while sipping a Molson's at a Tim Horton's, dammit!

susan, landmines on golf courses? I'm in favor. Could double the size of the local park if that monstrosity's blown to smithereens. Plus, think of all those new hills and valleys for the whipper snappers to play in.

dusty, in your case, we'd understand if you decided to drive a tank. Just don't forget to load the .50 before you go grocery shopping.

BB, we better get our kids mentally ready for sweatshop work.

demeur, the big flaw in your theory is that if I was Dr. Dooming the weather, why would I steal the hot variety? I'm not s-m-r-t enough to 72-dimensional chess like the pretzeldent.