Commander Cody gets boomed.
The Fucking Bengals @ Houston AKA the Johnathan Joseph Revenge Game: ♪ misty AFC Central Memories ♫ Sniff, & who else misses Jerry Glanville? Jack Pardee was a professional, you know, one of those who leaves tickets not for Elvis but his tax accountant, & thus was never going to funhouse mirror Wicky Wacky postgame. Since the Planet Hoostons smack mouths on O & D, if Schuab was still swabbing ye scurvy skinflints, they might have been Indy-lubbers in the end #srsly. But Andy Dalton, unless the internets lied to me, is also rookie-ish, too [ed. digression: I recall a rookie leading us to the postseason once upon an aeon ago], en plus, the Bungles are 0-7 against playoff teams [ed. note: in the interest of not being a politician, 5 of the 7 losses were* by a touchdown or less, a sixth by eight, but does regression mean, oh, 11-5 post-Quetzalcoatl? Nein: check the future sked, homeslice]. 0-8 after Saturday night's fighting, all right. Texans 20-17.
*proliferation of italics due to frustration at the continued blah surrounding a certain squad that, like athlete's foot, broken hearts, or ring around the collar, refuses to vamoose. I don't have athlete's foot or ring around the collar.
Detroit @ New Orleans: Pretty please, Night of the Living Tecmo Bowl, though I'm not a completely greedy beast, I'll settle for one of these. Saints 45-31.
Atlanta @ The Fucking Giants: Motown Meltdowns don't just help the I(vory backscratched) in the MIC, but America's Worst Sporting Town, too. Wouldst thou not rather face inconsistency instead of historic greatness? Falcons 28-20.
The Fucking Steelers @ The Fucking Broncos: & next week, we suffer The Fucking Ravens & The Fucking Patriots? 'tis The Fucking Conspiracy, 'tis, what Blud-Soak'd Popery! what Straungenesse vexes mine sportynge soule! but after back-to-back solid drafts on the angry side of the ball (Phil Taylor, Jabaal Sheard, Joe Haden though try covering downfield once in awhile, & T. J. Ward), the Browns -- what, oh yeah, this game. I couldn't care less about how much or how little Jesusery or Dawkinsism or Cthulhuiana Tebow does or doesn't spew & you shouldn't either. If he won your team games, he could engage in megachurch cosplay & you wouldn't grumble one iota. En ce moment, as a quarterback, he sucks. Maybe someday he'll slash, maybe not. Now, injuries notwithstanding, The Fucking Steelers 23-9.