Friday, March 13, 2009

Green monkeys should drink cod liver oil

Notorious John Law and documentary auteur of Nawlins boobdom, Bubs, is filling in for the indefatigably irrepressible icon of inscrutability, Splotchy, with the next installment of the Green Monkey Music Project.

What's the dealio?

Here's the dealio: each song you pick has to have something about it that makes you think "uh-oh, could I go to hell for listening to this?" It has to contain enough references to sex, drugs or violence that, even as you enjoy listening to it, you know it's not really good for might even be harming you in some way. I'm talking sleaze. Mind the blasphemy, though. Please.
"No blasphemy? Gee, isn't that going to be a bit tough for you?"

Tell me about it. But I was sure I could find cinq chansons concerning illicit fornication, illegal substance abuse and/or bloodcurdling physical brutality, perhaps with a liberal dose of associated fetishes. Of course, when many people think of fetishes, musically speaking, images of gothy, PVC and fishnet technodance goobers are conjured up and I fucking hate technodance ga ga, technodance goo goo. It's all I hear!

Oh, Nicki Jaine, you subtly naughty girl. Let us hop, skip and grin our way to ruthlessly toying with all those pretty faces.

Tie me tight, I'm yours tonight? Lordy, the S&M you can catch from a song about spiders.

Fine, be that way, ladies. You all can keep your snooty, talky, art house flicks, Randal prefers dirty movies.

Close the door, I'm busy! No, I'm not lobbing jizz, tempting an eternity of dog paddling in a lake of fire with hairy palms that I cannot see because I am blind --

-- I'm doing something wholesome, shooting up. Sheesh.

On second thought, to HELL, good sir, with your anti-blasphemy blasphemy.

Rage, rage against the dying of the porn! Maestro, tell us all about
dismemberment. It's the only way to exit!


Übermilf said...

After all my Bad Music Thursdays, you think I'm going to hell over a little blasphemy?

That's kid stuff compared to the Donny Osmond disco album.

Lisa said...

Do you let people touch your green monkey? I mean it is Friday, after all.

Randal Graves said...

übermilf, Donny Osmond disco? You might be more evil than I.

lisa, your comment has become tiresome. Now is the time on blog when we dance!

Übermilf said...

Well, the album title/lead track was called Disco Train, although I don't think it sounds terribly disco. Maybe that's what disco sounded like in Salt Lake City.

Splotchy said...

Man you are freaking quick with your mix selections!

Nicely done.

puddy said...

little known fact: if you listen to Uptown Girl backwards, its actually We Didn't Start The Fire. EVIL!!!!

Dean Wormer said...

Bah. In ten years they'll be playing all that stuff in supermarkets and elevators.

Randal Graves said...

übermilf, no, I will not click on that link, which is obviously a trick to force me to listen to disco.

splotchy, it's not like I'm doing the work I'm paid to do!

puddy, as I hate Billy Joel, I'm not clicking on that link either.

dean, if they started playing Slayer in supermarkets and elevators, I might become a hardcore laissez-faire capitalist.

Tom Harper said...

I wouldn't dare listen to any of that evil music with sex and drug references. Pop music has gone to hell in a handbasket.

I just bought two new CDs at the store. I haven't heard of either group, but I can just tell by their names that they'll make nice squeaky-clean decent music. "Ministry" and "Lamb of God" are the two groups. I'm looking forward to putting on those CDs and listening to some nice Christian music.

MRMacrum said...

I always feel naughty when I play my Guy Lombardo records. If I am in really randy mood, I "pull out" Lawrence Welk. That man is so hot.

Angie said...

Would you mind spinning the jams at my next get together?

Randal Graves said...

tom, God bless you, good Christian, for supporting the Lord's music.

(if that's the new Lamb of God, let me know how it is. I hear it's even more aggressive than their last platter)

mrmacrum, it's funny you should mention Lombardo and Lawrence, for the third L, Liberace, has a vinyl album sitting in our used records for sale bin as I type.

angie, well, I'm not sure our tastes overlap that much. I'd scare everyone away!

Chef Cthulhu said...

Great picks...I knew you'd put Slayer in there somewhere...

Dr. Zaius said...

I'll have an end piece without quite so much blasphemy, thank you.

Bubs said...

Brilliant and beautifully done, you blasphemous freak.

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