Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Highway bribery

It's never the material that's difficult; I enjoy Lamartine and Chauteaubriand and Stendhal and Hugo and the rest of those froggy cats outside of class --

"In English translation."

-- don't tell them that -- yes, so getting to read and discuss -- and even take exams on -- such things is alright with me. It's the writing of the answers in grammatically correct French while using verbs beyond avoir and être over and over in the same lousy tenses ad vomitium within a limited amount of time that is the death by a thousand guillotines -- and we didn't even get cake. Good thing it isn't a grammar class. Even better than it's not one in France taught by a commie pinko French prof who blithely assumes each and every Yank is a red, white and blue tattooed cheerleader of the so-called free market military/industrial/entertainment complex that's bent on nothing less than world domination via the fatal plague of monoculture and a few judiciously-placed munitions. Vous êtes un américain stupide!

Anyone wish to do my oral presentation later on this semester? I can't pay you in cash, of course, but how about some crappy verse, a prize certainly worth getting up in front of people you don't know while speaking in a completely unfamiliar language for an agonizing twenty minutes on an author you might not have ever read, no?

Alright, here's ten bucks.

14 comments:

Liberality said...

That is hard enough to do in English, never mind the sexy French language, so good luck with all of THAT. Yeah, I'm thinking that ten bucks is not gonna cover it dude.

Bull said...

Blow your own prof if you need to do oral to get through the semester...

anita said...

randal, having problems with your plus-que-parfait? you need to get yourself a Bescherelle ... tout de suite !!

Randal Graves said...

liberality, hey, gas prices went down. Ten bucks is big money!

bull, fine, fifteen bucks and a six-pack of fine American brew.

anita, yeah, I've always wanted a French mistress. Oh, that's a book. I already have a bunch of those.

Dean Wormer said...

Didn't Hugo write that book with Igor in it?

He was also lousy at making up names. "Jean Valjean" is a name displaying a total lack of creativity. Having a first name that rhymes with a last name as been done to death.

Mary Ellen said...

I wish I could help you...it's a little easier to speak Italian, anyone can do it.

Maybe if you just start out by saying, "Pardon my French"...and then go from there.

Randal Graves said...

dean, well we are talking about Hugo, a third rate hack. And a frog. Whaddya expect.

nunly, that's exactly what I-talian sounds like to me!

I was thinking of coming in drunk. Sure, I'll get an F, but it'd be a really funny F.

anita said...

Randal, I did a special blog post for you ... check it out!

Beach Bum said...

Glad I just attended community college. All I had to worry about were washed up, frustrated professors that failed to get tenure at a real college.

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

Pas "Vous êtes un américain stupide!" - essayez "vous êtes un Américain." C'est suffit.

Non Je Ne Regrette Rien said...

or you could just be like me and masticate those lovely french verbs like tough rawhide, spit them back in the frenchy faces ... but wink and look cute while you do it ... it disarms them and they can't help but smile and accept.

Randal Graves said...

anita, I already did!

BB, but wouldn't that failure take the form of hatred and thrown whiskey bottles at you students?

tengrain, Mon dieu ! Vous ne devriez jamais blasphémer la mémoire de Reagan ! Communiste !

JNRR, I'd have to borrow some of your wink and cute then.

Madam Z said...

Lo siento. Yo no lo comprendo.

Dr. Zaius said...

I would be glad to help! I will deliver the entire lecture in Klingon.